His Love Story (part 1: ready...set...love!)
It was later that night when he felt the agony of pain rushing his nerves. He didn't want to become obvious until someone just came by and surrender a helping hand. He was not sure of what he is feeling but that someone made him a bit comfortable. As he lay his head to that someone's shoulder, he felt much relaxed but the pain still drift that emotion.
As time pass by he finds happiness to that someone. He wasn't sure again. His doubt has become seriously taking over. He didn't want that feeling to get in him. He wanted that friendship to last longer. It was hard for him to get through all this again. For in a long time he has been fighting that same emotion years ago before he met that someone, and has been fighting over and over again until he cries for longing and it's gone. He wanted to get tired. But he is loving, he always unintentionally falling, falling and there's always none to catch him.
His heart is empty in a long time. His wound is covered with bandage. And that bandage has been replaced many times but the wound still not healed. That wound, in some moments, just gets through him and he can feel the pain. The pain he wanted to be forever lost in his system. He wishes to just simply throw it out. But it's not that easy. And again, he is fighting. He want his feelings to pass just like a wind and it will be forever gone. And so he decided to become busy of things that is more important. But what is more important than love? What is more important than having that hope of feeling special?
He is not searching for love. In fact he loves loving, just loving people. He hates hatred. And he hates the fact that people hate him. For again, he just want to feel loved and be loved. And he is, God has loved him. God never left his side, eventhough he forgets to talk to Him - intentionally or not, He would just let his heart speak out. He simply listens. God don't want him to feel lonely, for he is a loving son. But he is so unworthy, he is sinful. But what is good about him, he remained faithful - despite the pain, the anguish, and the wound unhealed. He is hopeful of things coming and of his dreams he wanted to pursue. A dreamer, although weak, never had the heart to surrender. That dream pushes him, with the help of his inspirations, faith that is never-ending and a hope that is burning with the desire for it to become reality.
Now he just want to leave his emotions behind to that someone. For he knows it is wrong to like that someone, moreover mistakenly be in love. He pray that when time come that he'll meet again this people he wrongly fall in love with, they will understand him - that he is sorry for he doesn't take his heart controlled and that he is more sorry for himself being able to love, like or get infatuated to them. Although he wants to let things out, although he want his other side to be freed, he is afraid of people that would judge him. He is afraid of the surroundings that would eventually, if he gets into the wrong way, make himself all the way on his journey be a failure. He is afraid of surrendering his fears. But he challenge himself to face this fears.
They say that love lost , wherever or whatever way you put it, will always be and still is - love. It will be forever be in your system, although it fades there's still a pinch that'll be left and it will become your memories - cherished or not. For today, he has uncherished memories. But his book is not yet closed for stories that will soon unfold. He is still young and he knows the world has more for him to offer. Although he always anticipates and always have himself excited over things, he want himself controlled but freed someway. He didn't want to lose that hope, faith and love he always has. For he knows that someone out there, God has prepared someone special for him. Someone that will accept his everything. Someone that would make him feel the way he wanted to be feeling. Someone that even in his weakness would make him feel strong. And someone that he longs to embrace and share his ups and downs with. Someone that will show his real him everyday, no pretentions, no doubts. Just someone who would make him happy and simply fall in love.
Labels: lovestory
fifteen people to tell
I got this from Alvin.The Rules:1. Write something about 15 different people.2. You can NOT say who they are.3. If someone asks you which one is about them, you can NOT tell.
1.
I love you. I’ll promise to help soon. Just keep the faith. We can get through this. God so love people like you. *hugs*
2. We’ve known each other years ago and am so blessed we’ve become friends. Lately
I wanted to talk to you for a reason that you made me feel a certain “certain”. I have been liking the way we talk. The way you showed me you’re being so nice, for making me happy even in my ordinary day, as if there’s an extraordinary day?! and i
thank you for that.Also I would want to say
sorry for pretending to be feeling what a friend should JUST feel. What a man should not feel. I myself don’t understand how to deal with this. I do hope I pray much harder. I don’t know how you would react if I’d say you this pero in anyways I know I’m still wrong. Well don’t mind me. Just continue touching young hearts for God and simply inspire people as what you are already doing.
3. Thank you for just being so open, for the
trust. And thank you also for listening to me kung wala akong masabihan ng prob. Minsan nagagalit tayo sa kabaliwan ng isa’t isa pero look who’s there at the end ... tayo rin naman di ba?! Alam ko we both go through certain hardships pero kaya natin to?! Tama cuz?! Next level na’to. Let’s face the odds. Itigil na ang kadramahan. Galingan nga pala natin this year.
Go chapter!
4. Saan ang next gala?! Congrats sa’tin. Yuhoo. Hope we could fulfill our
dreams. I know you can do your plans kahit na anlalabo pa ng mga pinaguusapan nating mga pangarap. Ahaha. Kain ulit tayo ng marami. Food trip as always, pero ikaw lang naman tumataba, ako kaya?! Hope you have time to go to church and pray to God. he’s always there, ready to listen. At yung lablyf? Sus! Ano ba paks nila kung no syota since birth ka pa… ahahaha. Joke.
5. Uuuy in love?! Hindi ako sanay na makita kang kinikilig. Minsan nga nagseselos na’ko sa kakawento mo tungkol sa kaniya. Joke. Haha, pero honestly I’m really
happy for you, friend. You deserve to be happy. Sobrang naging masaya ko nung latest bonding moment natin. Sana mangyari ulit yun. Out of town naman? Haha goodluck naman sa skeds… God bless pala sa exam.
6. I’m happy to see you so happy. Alam ko dami mo work pero alam ko rin naman na you enjoy everything in your life especially with your special someone. And thanks for making me feel I am part of your family kapag nakiki-epal kami sa house niyo. I always pray for our friendship and your family as well.
Best bud pa rin kita. Nga pala minsan kapag naglilinis ako ng gamit and nakikita ko yung mga letters mo sa’kin nata-touch pa rin ako, as in. Pareho tayong baliw. Haha.
7. Thanks for being my little bro. haha. Lam ko minsan naasar ka sa kadramahan ko pero you still manage to listen. haha. You’ve been through a lot in life and I’m so proud you grew up that well kahit ganun. Just keep up your
faith and love His people. Continue praising him and just be His servant. Kaya mo yan. Marami ka pang mararanasan in life and in serving. Pero alam mo naman kung gaano ka kalakas sa Kniya di ba?! At sa amin. Kuya Ian will be here for you palagi. God Bless.
8. From li’l bro to big bro. Thanks for teaching me how to be a good kuya to everyone. For just sharing important stories from you that
made us grow and truly believe that God is our strength. Thanks for being a good leader, lam mo namang sinundan ko lang service mo, anyways alam ko andami mo rin pinagdadaanan ngayon pero ayun as we all say hindi naman ibibigay sa’yo ni Lord ang mga bagay na mahihirap kung hindi mo kakayanin di ba? Kaya you can do it. Kaw pa.
9. Alam mo ba kapag naaalala kita hindi ko nakakalimutan icheck yung blog ko at i-update. Haha. Thanks for the advices. Astig mo. Siguro super close na kayo talaga ni Lord?! Yikee. God Bless. Just be His
instrument of hope and love for others. Hmm. Wag ka ng mananakit ng pisikal… hahaha. Namimiss ko tuloy tumawa ng sobra hanggang sumakit na yung panga ko. Haha.
10. Thanks for helping me get through my probs especially nung down kami. You’re one of my biggest source of inspiration. I idolize your being so nice to everyone. I appreciate your being so sympathetic. I always pray na maging maayos ka palagi.
Sobrang salamat, you just don’t know how much you helped me and my family. Basta. Astig. God Bless!
11. Huwag mo namang
hintayin yung pinsan ko pa ang unang magtapat at manligaw sa’yo. Pa-hard to get ka pa?! ang arte arte mo. Haha. Peace. Salamat sa pag-share ng story mo. Now I know you better. You’re a good leader. Continue serving God. astig!
12. Ang kulit niyong magkakapatid. Paro kahit na super daldal mo. Thanks pa rin siyempre sa friendship. Galingan natin ‘tong binigay na
privilege to serve and love. Malayo pa mararating mo. Haha. Go Go Go!
13. Thanks for making us ampon ampon kapag nagba-bonding kaming bros and sis. Haha. I always pray na maging maayos yung lagay niyo especially your family. God Bless.
14. Miss na kita. Miss ko na kayo. Yung kakulitan natin. Yung sobrang pagtawa ng malakas at walang humpay. I pray for your thesis. Basta lagi lang kami andito. Ayun text text lang.
Waah I miss everything especially our bonding moments kasama ang barkada - mula sa pagkain, hanggang sa paggala, hanggang sa hagardness sa pagresearch and all. Apir sa lahat-lahat! God Bless.
15. Just be happy. Understand yourself. Malaki ka na, you know what’s right from wrong. Face your fears. Lakas naman ng back-up mo di ba?! Kung masiyado ka pang nalilito huwag mong madaliin. Andami mo pang pwedeng gawin, wag ka mag-isip na lang palagi. Huwag mo isipin masiyado na you’re unworthy of some things. Enjoy Life, gaya ng ginagawa mo dati. Let the child live in your heart, huwag mo yan pakawalan kahit na tumanda ka na. Just keep the faith. And
Let God.Labels: 15
love trip
050307
I went out with my high school barkada last thursday (may03) at the block. The original plan was to go out of town but since we only got a day and knowing some of us just escaped school, work and home it was not really that good timing for everyone. But it turned out to be a fun-filled bonding - eating, walking and chatting while grabbing a drink and enjoying new stories from each other.
Changes, I know this will happen sometime after we graduated high school and most especially after graduating college. Eventhough we don’t forget to text and call each other whenever we find time to, it’s really different to see them and us being reunited for a year or so, plus the fact that we really miss each other. I know it’s not that long time but you can’t tell how much each and everyone had experienced through out that span of time. Imagine who would’ve thought one of us is getting a year in a relationship, one is denying she’s in love and one just had that untypical
story of life and love. This we wouldn’t have thought back when we we’re in our tender teens, back when we’re just laughing out loud the whole non-sense thing, back when we just care about ourselves and be with our barkada.
I’m just so happy that for a moment I’ve forgotten how I get so trapped with my emotions, with things that are felt so deep I want to dig up and throw away.
------------------------------------------------------------------ **
050407
“ Madalas hanap tayo ng hanap sa taong magmamahal sa’tin o sa taong mamahalin natin, pero hindi natin alam kapag andiyan na pinakakawalan lang naman natin …”Pagmamahal. Isang bagay na sobrang makakarelate lahat ng tao except sa mga taong-bato. Isang bagay na sa sobrang pagkatindi kayang gawing baliw and isang normal na nilalang. Siguro may mga taong kikiligin, merong maaasar, merong magiging emosiyonal, meron namang patay malisya at meron din namang matatawa lang kung ito ang pag-uusapan. Lahat kasi tayo may kaniya kaniyang pinagdaanan o pinagdadaanan ukol sa pag-ibig at mula dito huhugot tayo ng emosiyon sa kung ano ang palagay natin sa pag-ibig.
Syet. Ang jologs. Haha. Pero ang totoo apektado tayo lahat. Tama ba?
Hmmm. Madalas na pinag-uusapan kung ang topic ay l-o-v-e : hala hala. Expert ba’ko dito? o gusto ko lang patawanin sarili ko?! Haha. Eeeew.
(‘’.) anong bago? Chismax? Balita?
(^^.) wala
(‘’.) di nga?
(^^.) Eeeeh. Basta. Wala.
(‘’.) eeeeeehh. In love?
(^^.) Ngeks. Jologs.
(‘’.) Sino?
(^^.) Ano kasi… hiya ako eh.
(‘’.) Ahahaha. Si ------ ba?
(^^.) Waaaah. How did you know?
(‘’.) Wala lang feel ko lang
(^^.) Eh kasi sobrang tinamaan lang talaga ko. Sobra kasi siyang ( … achuchuchu ever…)
(‘’.) Haha. Talaga? oh eh ano na plans mo? Alam niya?
(^^.) Hindi. Natatakot ako. Tsaka gusto ko muna
makasiguro sa feelings ko.
(‘’.) Ganun? Pero alam mo … ( … cheverlu cheverness … )
(*-*) Mahal bo si ------ ?
(=.=) Hmmm. Parang.
(*-*) Parang Marikina? Haha. Yun totoo?
(=.=) Oo
(*-*) Bakit di mo ligawan?
(=.=) Eh
baka di niya ko type eh
(*-*) Talaga. Bakit naman?
(=.=) Eh kasi….(achuchuchu achuchuchu…) yun.
(*-*) Hindi naman siguro. Bakit di mo subukan?
(+,+) Kamusta na kayo? Ikaw?
(-.-) Ayos lang. ayos naman.
(+,+) May bago na ba?
(-.-) Wala pa eh. Can’t get over.
(+,+) Until now? Bakit?
(-.-) I just can’t… achuchuchu achuchuchu…
(+,+) Aaaahhhh… well maybe all you need was to really
move on and let time.…
( … ekekekek…. )
Epal di ba? Ansarap na minsan ilalabas mo kung ano yung nasa loob ng puso mo. Dahil dito madalas yung mga binibitiwan nating salita ang astig dahil din sa mga
realizations habang kinikwento natin yung part na yun ng buhay natin. Sobrang magugulat ka nalang ang lupit na pala ng sinasabi mo. Para kang si doctor love o kaya naman yung isa sa mga tumatawag sa radio para humingi ng advice. Pero once your alone and lonely again. Eto nanaman si puso kumikirot, nagtatanong, nawiwindang.
Minsan iniisip ko, yung happiness ba nahahanap natin sa pag-ibig lang sa partner mo? Kelangan ba talagang ma-feel ng isang tao na lonely siya, bago pa siya magpakamatay o
mawindang sa kahihintay ng right one for them?
Hindi ba pwedeng masuklian na lang lahat ng pagmamahal na pwede mong ibigay sa isang tao kahit di ka niya talaga mahal? parang nagbayad ka lang sa resto ng food kasi nabusog ka at dahil natuwa ka
keep the change na lang walang sukli. Hindi ba pwedeng lahat na lang may partner para cute? Parang super twins –cute. Haha. Wala ng sense.
May pahabol pa … talaga bang kelangan ng sacrifice sa isang relationship para may mangyaring something na makakapagbuo ulit ng love? Gaya na lang ng pagpahid ng sipon ng partner mo kapag lumobo ito sa harap ng maraming tao … uuuy
sige nga prove her that you love her. Punasan mo nga yung pumutok na lumobong sipon using your favorite hanky. Eeeew. Ahaha.
Kapag walang
hug and kiss sa isang relationship, para san pa’t magsiyota kayo? Haha.
Kelangan ba talaga ng love para may growth? Eh panu yung mga maliliit pero di pa naiinlove, joke… haha. Hanggang kailan kayo maghihintayan kung nafi-feel niyo naman na mahal niyo ang isa’t isa ? kapag pareho na kayong may asawa… ouch?!
Kapag sinabi mo ba sa taong mahal mo siya, pero di ka naman niya mahal – may chance pa ba na ipagtimpla ka pa niya ng juice at papuntahin ka pa niya sa bahay nila? Tsktsk. Knowing na super sarap pa niya magtimpla ng favorite mong
alatiris mixed with chesa juice topped with chopped chico. With
okra cake pa yun na ni bake pa niya sa uling whole-heartedly para sa’yo may kasama pang talong on the side - yun nga lang wala talaga siyang feelings sa’yo kahit na sobrang nararamdaman mo na love ka niya at nandun yung care. Huwaw! All time big time.
Bakit may mga
epal na tulad ko na nagsusulat ng tungkol sa ganito?! Ahahaha. Ang magreact di magkakalove-life sa loob ng isang siglo. Joke. Ahaha.
Labels: love trip
enough
may 02 2007
I have gone mall hopping today with my cousin. This has been my escape when I have problems and thinks of something I should not be thinking in the first place. This has been our favorite thing when we have time to bond and share some stories. First mall stop– RobEast: we do a lot of checking and canvassing on players and techie stuff, just bought a cd and then the rest was pure window shopping. The next stop Sta.Lucia: same with rob just drop by to see some stuffs and you-know-what … what are you all thinking? haha. I have to tell you, this are all unplanned - plain phonecall, and pooof there you go.
Then we decided we should bond more and eat, gone mad finding place to eat until we agreed to push ourselves to Gateway. Haha. More food, much diff aura, more hot guys and gals like us … hahaha… Of course where else we should be but to the cheapest way to eat – food express. We eat heavy meal until we realize its getting late and I have a meeting to attend to. Feels like no tomorrow we took a cup of ultimate coffee at coffee beanery and chat for a while before I forget we still have to get our hair cut. While on our way back home we had talk for a while – relationships, worries and stuff that matters to us which seems not so what-to-worry-about for some. I have shared what I feel, how I feel and what bothers me this past few days. It’s not that I’m acting drama king again but you know, there’s just things you need to say to release emotions and hopefully let go.
I have read a story on one of Bo Sanchez’s books which is “How To Be Really Really Happy?” in a point in my life where I need answer the most. Such a good timing for a man who just dropped by a bookstore to look for some good books and finds himself opening this little book reading this very story. This is the story of Mr. Lonely drives home. When one day he’s eating in a resto and suddenly he realized he’s surrounded by a romantic scenery and seems like everyone around has their partner and shows love and affection to one another, while he a single man accompanied by his book about accounting and business stuff. Oh how sweet. Haha. He just felt what he didn’t like to feel – loneliness. And so he drives home, so fast he recognized himself just sitting in his bedroom, alone. He just prayed so hard, he cried and just felt God. He don’t want to feel lonely. He really prayed whole-heartedly for it. And just as he thought he wants someone to care for him, to love him, he doesn’t have to find that. Because what he’s seeking for, is there all this time around – GOD. He has just affirmed of how God loves him so much and reminded him each and every time that He is more than enough. God is enough.
A wrong act. A successful escape. A story read in a book. A cup of coffee.
A haircut. All is gone. All is left said. Over and enough.
Closing Cycles
By Paulo Coelho
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished. Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?
You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.
But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
Labels: enough
insomnia
hindi ako makatulog. kanina pa'ko tapos manuod ng Heroes pero hindi pa rin ako tulog. alam ko maglilimang oras na'ko naka-upo. shet. modernong panahon nga naman. nakikipagtitigan sa computer ng limang oras, naghihintay sa mga ina-upload, nagse-surf sa net, sasalihan lahat ng connection, susulatan lahat ng blog. ipagkalat daw ba sa mundo istorya ko. haha. eh noon kaya si lolo at lola kapag di makatulog nagfe-friendster din kaya. haha. malamang wala pa noon di ba?! si tito at tatay nagdo-dota. haha parang engerts lang. haha. astig noh. kung nuon kapag di makatulog nagbabasa ng libro o kaya nagninilay nilay sa kwarto kinig radyo eh ngayon kinig i-pod, nuod you-tube, at kung anu anong chu chu ever (ayon nga kay maricris, pbb 2, chuchu ever...) haha
ayon... hmmm... kanina pa'ko nag-iisip. hala hala hala. sana matuloy ang bonding namin nila berks sa thurs at ang pasteur outing next week, wuhoo exciting. malilimutan ko nanaman problema ko. epal. haha.
may mga gumugulo sa isipan ko this past few weeks habang may mga narerealize akong mga bagay lalong lumalalim ang aking pag-iisip. hala hala hala.
"All I need is just a little more time to be sure of what I feel... Is it all in my mind cause it seems so hard to believe, that you're all I need... " - all i need by jack wagner
