driven

His Love Story (part 1: ready...set...love!)

It was later that night when he felt the agony of pain rushing his nerves. He didn't want to become obvious until someone just came by and surrender a helping hand. He was not sure of what he is feeling but that someone made him a bit comfortable. As he lay his head to that someone's shoulder, he felt much relaxed but the pain still drift that emotion.

As time pass by he finds happiness to that someone. He wasn't sure again. His doubt has become seriously taking over. He didn't want that feeling to get in him. He wanted that friendship to last longer. It was hard for him to get through all this again. For in a long time he has been fighting that same emotion years ago before he met that someone, and has been fighting over and over again until he cries for longing and it's gone. He wanted to get tired. But he is loving, he always unintentionally falling, falling and there's always none to catch him.

His heart is empty in a long time. His wound is covered with bandage. And that bandage has been replaced many times but the wound still not healed. That wound, in some moments, just gets through him and he can feel the pain. The pain he wanted to be forever lost in his system. He wishes to just simply throw it out. But it's not that easy. And again, he is fighting. He want his feelings to pass just like a wind and it will be forever gone. And so he decided to become busy of things that is more important. But what is more important than love? What is more important than having that hope of feeling special?

He is not searching for love. In fact he loves loving, just loving people. He hates hatred. And he hates the fact that people hate him. For again, he just want to feel loved and be loved. And he is, God has loved him. God never left his side, eventhough he forgets to talk to Him - intentionally or not, He would just let his heart speak out. He simply listens. God don't want him to feel lonely, for he is a loving son. But he is so unworthy, he is sinful. But what is good about him, he remained faithful - despite the pain, the anguish, and the wound unhealed. He is hopeful of things coming and of his dreams he wanted to pursue. A dreamer, although weak, never had the heart to surrender. That dream pushes him, with the help of his inspirations, faith that is never-ending and a hope that is burning with the desire for it to become reality.

Now he just want to leave his emotions behind to that someone. For he knows it is wrong to like that someone, moreover mistakenly be in love. He pray that when time come that he'll meet again this people he wrongly fall in love with, they will understand him - that he is sorry for he doesn't take his heart controlled and that he is more sorry for himself being able to love, like or get infatuated to them. Although he wants to let things out, although he want his other side to be freed, he is afraid of people that would judge him. He is afraid of the surroundings that would eventually, if he gets into the wrong way, make himself all the way on his journey be a failure. He is afraid of surrendering his fears. But he challenge himself to face this fears.

They say that love lost , wherever or whatever way you put it, will always be and still is - love. It will be forever be in your system, although it fades there's still a pinch that'll be left and it will become your memories - cherished or not. For today, he has uncherished memories. But his book is not yet closed for stories that will soon unfold. He is still young and he knows the world has more for him to offer. Although he always anticipates and always have himself excited over things, he want himself controlled but freed someway. He didn't want to lose that hope, faith and love he always has. For he knows that someone out there, God has prepared someone special for him. Someone that will accept his everything. Someone that would make him feel the way he wanted to be feeling. Someone that even in his weakness would make him feel strong. And someone that he longs to embrace and share his ups and downs with. Someone that will show his real him everyday, no pretentions, no doubts. Just someone who would make him happy and simply fall in love.

Labels: lovestory

posted by juliusmarzan @ 1:01 PM