for a distant friend
hi jes! hope you find this blog. as i promised this are our pics. hope we can visit ilocos soon. super tagal na naming di nakapagbakasiyon diyan. and we really miss
lola, the
house, the
environment and of course the
people. ayoko na ng usok ng manila. haha. miss you guys.
sana this summer o kaya sa baksiyon we could go there na. good luck sa studies. God Bless bro!!!
katams
haha...grabe na tong ginagawa kong katamaran. exag na... kailangan ko ng mag-aral..
my nanay bought me some goto at 4am... so sweet... and i'm enjoying it right now while clicking and blogging...
so? until then... hope to finish my volumes two and three before next week...why? kasi pasahan na next week...hahahahaha...kabaliw!
come and go
i was about to read my study for today but unfortunately my mind is hollering for something that needs to be taken out of its shell...
shout out to the people who struck on me in their own unexpected ways...who came and go... and suddenly been popped out of somewhere and go again...
mess
to you who i am so pathetically in love with or should i say emotionally and deeply into back then. sorry for all the things i've done. i wasn't supposed to do it not until i am tempted. my friends even brag me for doing things i shouldn't have, immoral i say. but it's my decision still that set them to be part of that mess. but then thank you, for opening my eyes and heart of something much more mature. i wanted to explain. i wanted to see you. but all of that would just be an illusion that forever come and go.
sunday sini was eager to go to mass every sunday not just to be part of the eucharist but also to see you. haha such ashame telling this, but that is what this thing all about, shouting things that can't be trapped for eternity in my head..haarr... actually i wasn't observing you not until you grasp my sight and exchanged it for an unusual look. if only my emotions could talk it'll be so loud. you are so mysterious i don't even know what's this thing is all about but suddenly you go. yeah i do not see you on sundays on that time. maybe you're helping me to put away the confusions you felt the time you've looked into my eyes. very frequent now i see you and i see that you're now with someone. not the lonely you i've been seeing for months. i can see you're happy with what you have. for that, you go.
terminalone of my fave things to do while commuting is just look at the people and places around me. how do they move, what do they do in that certain place, how busy people are. and they are just blank faces who enters a bus or an fx, who walks the street and fight for their survival. but you came and just like everyone else, go. but everytime we crossroads there's something in your look that makes me smile. i'm just worried cause you don't seem to have company or always look like the world's in your shoulder... haha exag.....i don't know. anyway the last time we met was like weeks ago. i don't know why you keep looking at your back where i sat that night. and when we got to the terminal you always had that food on your hand which makes me think this person loves eating fasfood... haha... but then no seat is left for you. inside i could sense you're looking at me. and the time that jeepney drove away i looked at you and your eyes just bulged in like it wanted to tell something.. or just seeking for an answer from your black identity. and then i go.
chorusi don't know if you're playing with me or what. you seem to have that sarcastic smile in that sunday choir and you always stop to where i mostly go after mass. well just stop messin' around. i don't know if you have intentions, it's good if you tell it straight to my face. haha. just sing your heart out. yeah since that's where you're good at. i just don't know what's the purpose of stopping on that landscaped fishery baside while i am in front and waiting for my mom, and then you just look at the fishes, weird. then off you go.
"love makes people insane, doing crazy things you never imagine in a million years you see yourself do. But unexpectedly you're doing it, just to get the love of someone who don't love you back" -
from the movie wicker park
gotcha
A pleasant morning indeed although I woke up raining hard outside. Before starting my day for a series of reading on my thesis topic I opened our
In His steps journal for a nourishment and guide for this day. I almost forgot it's sunday. I've been sad (I could not say depressed cause i don't want to sound very affected or deeply wounded or what so ever) for almost three days and been concentrating on what can I do to improve my thesis. I just want to share the second reading for today:
Ephesians 4:30-5:2And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were sealed for the day of redemption. All bitterness, lury, anger, shouting, and reviling must be removed from you, along with all malice. (And) be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ. So be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and handed himself over for us as a sacrificial offering to God for a fragrant aroma.
It is right that as my friend has commented here that in my weakness I could feel His highest power. I am with Him all through these tough days although it will be a long road and I know I am not that worthy for his most gracious love, He's there and I'm feeling it.
To all the people who give a tap and helped, who texted, who shared my grief and for those who simply prayed. Thanks!
God Bless!
emotional today
i can't really describe
how i feel at the moment.
emotions mixed up.
i am sad, i'm feeling numb.
but again i have to do something and for that i have to move.
sometimes it just makes me
feel better being alone.
thinking of things i've done and then, reflect.
and sometimes i just would realize how complicated my life is.
rooting from the questioning of self going far more than i could imagine.
i know i have
great companies.
good friends and loving family.
but being appreciated by them
is merely acquainting me to whom i've been.
and creating an impact to who i want to be.
and then i'll think again.
is it really a question of who i am or what my life is about?
in that, the word
purpose came in.
as being a believer and having the
faith of a Christian,i am supposed to battle life with His words, with His deeds, through Him.
but then i am weak.
and now i'm left with nothing but a bunch of sadness.
i wanted to cry but i won't.
i am in need of something like unknown.
it's deep.
and then i pray.
coffee
" ian, starbucks tayo!"
"saan?"
" bluwave.... north.... rob... gateway... anywhere!"
"sure...basta may kape...kahit sa tabi...."
this is a common dialogue between me and my cousin whenever we have a chance to meet especially last summer when i got nothing else to do but think of just anything... like having a cup of coffee or taking a cold frap...
" wah si ian? hindi naman pula dumadaloy na dugo diyan eh... dugo niyan kape!"
i always hear this to my fellow YFC whenever we'd have overnights and morning just broke in to tell i had to sip a caffein... addict?!... no... it is just the tinge that got into me, and suddenly i'm alive.... from a family who rarely welcomes a day without cofee to being an arki student who sleeps with an hour or two or even zero minute at all... it is indeed becoming a lifestyle... a culture... something you can't just easily take off... although most of the times my nerves just can't seem to be passive... just a tap and you'll make me nuts... haha exag but sometimes true... like lately i have been with a friend, and another friend gone by without me noticing him approaching... he pulled my bag and i was like...oh f%^&*...
" shocks ninerbiyos ako...."
i can still feel my heart pumping for several minutes... i don't know if that what makes my being coffee addict brings... but whatever effects it may cause... it just make me want to say more.. coffeee please...
pamangkin
this photo was taken i think last march 2006 end of the week... i dunno... but all i want to say is that these pamangkins of mine are really looking lovely at this shot. hehe. i miss them. they've move after my sis got her house. they are my cute little angels... hehe
looking forward
sobrang nakaka-antok... andaming gagawin pero di ko masimulan...
bakit nga ba driven ang title ng blog na 'to? uhhmmmm... let me think... whoa my brain isn't working... haha
anyway i'm excited na sa get together ng mga highschool friends ko hehe... yes the whole pasteur section will be there <> hehe and my professor's planning a trip to Sagada... wuhoo how exciting...
okey yun na muna... kaya nga pala ko nandito sa library para mag-research...ergh... stupid...
*need some lovin' ...
Excerpts
I was browsing on my organizer a while ago because I am to find a contact of a friend until i got to the notes part where I have read some of the phrases I have noted from different sources I run through then touched me in some way. Here are some:
on my 042406 journal
"It's not love to be static like the desert, nor is it love to roam the world like the wind. And it's not love to see everything from a distance ... love is the force that transforms and improves the soul of the world ... and had its passions and wars. It is we who nourish the soul of the world, and the world we live in will be either better or worse, depending on whether we become better or worse. And that's where the power of love comes in. Because when we love, we always strive to become better than we are. " - Paulo Coelho "The Alchemist"
on my 051606 journal
" keep a clear eye toward life's end. Do not forget your purpose and destiny as God's creature. What you are in His sight is what you are and nothing more. Remember that when you leave this earth, you can take with you nothing that you have received - fading symbols of honor, trappings of power - but only what you have given ; a full heart enriched by honest service, love, sacrifice and courage." - Francis of Assisi
So there. Just let these words penetrate you, hehe ... and then back to work ...
"the arts reflect the past, enrich the present and imagine the future"
- national endowment for the arts, US
i was really hooked up with my thesis lately, a music center for the Philippines. i have realized so much about our culture especially in terms of our art and our people who lack appreciation on it.
i just want to quote a line from the movie Rent it is a scene where a documentarist
was filming a peasant on the street while being mobbed by a police... " hey artist! you got a dollar?!..." in such a sarcastic way..
well it doesn't mean artists are poor but people are so damn worldly that they do not know what art is... not even appreciate the sense in a beauty... and so artist are being put aside..
i have gone to mt.makiling in laguna this july and i was pleased with what i saw... and heard. aside from the scenic view of laguna de bay i have met a bunch of talented highschool students residing on a mountain top just to study in special school for the arts. this students are good at their skills. they crave for the art <> but it's sad to know that over the Philippines there are only a few who realized the higher power of art.
why am i writing about this stuff anyway? just because i am moved. have you heard of pinikpikan band? joey ayala? grace nono? maybe yes, maybe no. But certainly most Filipinos are unfamiliar to them... me?...not until i have heard their music. It's something we as Filipinos can be proud of and listening to their music just gives you an idea of how rich our culture is, how wide our traditions have reached and how people like them value the preservation and conservation of our ethnicity.
yet.. Pinoys do have a place in their hearts for the international music or the commercial art... but what it is in our culture that we should learn?! our history, the very indigenous pinoy that drafts our culture, the people who is concerned with our nature, with our tribes (traditional people and ethnic groups), with our nation, with our Bathala.
i am an architect-to-be and as cotributor to the landscape of our nation it is my duty to promote our culture, to be an artist with scientific foundation and to be a scientist with artistic substance.
worry free
It's been a rainy morning. And as I woke up I remember I have a lot of things to do. Yeah a very busy morning indeed. But then upon opening my email I have received a beautiful forwarded message from a friend. Not just a friend but someone who really inspire people in our community. As the meaasge goes:
Ten Guidelines From GodEffective Immediately,please be aware that there are changes YOU needto make in YOUR life. These changes need to be completed in order that I may fulfill My promises to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness inthis life. I apologize for any inconvenience,but after all that I am doing, this seems verylittle to ask of you. Please, followthese 10 guidelines
1. QUIT WORRYING:Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sitand worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every littlething that comes your way?
2. PUT IT ON THE LIST:Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turnit over to Me. And although My to-do-listis long, I am after all... God. I can take care of anything you put into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you nevereven realize.
3. TRUST ME: Once you've given your burdens to Me,quit trying to take them back. Trust in Me. Have the faith that I will take care ofall your needs, your problems and your trials.Problems with the kids? Put them on My list. Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems with your emotional
roller coaster?For My sake, put it on My list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.
4. LEAVE IT ALONE: Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think I can handle it from here." Why do you thinkyou are feeling stronger now? It's simple.You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strengthand cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back,you will be right back where you started?Leave them with Me and forget aboutthem. Just let Me do my job.
5. TALK TO ME: I want you to forget a lot of things.Forget what was making you crazy.Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's onething I pray you never forget. Please, don'tforget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU! I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you havinga conversation with Me. I want to be yourdearest friend.
6. HAVE FAITH:I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith inMe that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me;you wouldn't want the view from My eyes.I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me.Although I have a muc h bigger task than you,it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?
7. SHARE:You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy withthose who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any insuch a long time. Share your tears with thosewho have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.
8. BE PATIENT:I managed to fix it so in just one lifetimeyou could have so many diverse experiences.You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades,travel to so many places, meet thousandsof people, and experience so much. How canyou be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe inonly six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.
9. BE KIND:Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same wayyou do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for My sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please, know I love each of your differences.
10. LOVE YOURSELF: As much as I love you, how can you notlove yourself? You were created by me forone reason only -- to be loved, and to lovein return. I am a God of Love. Love Me.Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me.Don't ever forget......
Now I am starting my day without worrying even if I know I have the biggest task ever on earth cause God is there, just ask and trust.
Blessed
Love like JesusI was on a chapterhead's overnight last saturday and sunday. It was one of the most nourishing event i had ever attended during the entire years of serving in our Parish community. It was indeed, one of Christ's way of showing how blessed am I all through my entire life. Yes, that very moment I have experienced His higher power. He moved me and everyone else in that session.
"Bringing glad tidings to the poor"One of our ministry mission is to touch the hearts of young people through Christ. I myself admit as a leader that i lack knowledge about the bible and His teachings which is written there. It is a shame that at 17, two years ago before I joined Youth for Christ, I have never known Christ so deeply. Now, in three months time I'll be 20, I have realized how much I need his words. I feel very lucky for the young people who have been so blessed and able to listen to what God want to impart upon them. As I have told my fellow YFC that as early as their age they should be thankful and be able to share the love God has let them experience. And one of the way to share His love is by touching the lives of our fellow youth in the 'poor areas'. They do need God in their life much more as we do.
Remembering one of the talk in the overnight, which is 'Rebuilding Our Nation', that the empowered youth is so privileged because they are chosen by God to share their wisdom to those who need it especially in our country. Thanks to Gawad Kalinga, that is one of our ministry's projects which not only build houses for the poor but provide a living and Christian foundation to that depressed areas. This is one of the great acts in which we are able to share God's blessings.
When I was in that event, I have reflected about the people in our community-based area as I was touched by one of the speaker's words:
" love the most unlovable in your area", which is the same thing as to what my cluster head always tell us. It is not easy to do it unless we are doing it as a task and not as sharing God's eternal love. Yes! I believe that, for I am put in this
situation not because i have to do this things functionally but by providing people especially the poor a life that is of God and for God, as I also have. As the above statement said "love like Jesus".
