driven

i can't really describe how i feel at the moment.
emotions mixed up.
i am sad, i'm feeling numb.
but again i have to do something and for that i have to move.

sometimes it just makes me feel better being alone.
thinking of things i've done and then, reflect.
and sometimes i just would realize how complicated my life is.
rooting from the questioning of self going far more than i could imagine.

i know i have great companies.
good friends and loving family.
but being appreciated by them
is merely acquainting me to whom i've been.
and creating an impact to who i want to be.

and then i'll think again.
is it really a question of who i am or what my life is about?
in that, the word purpose came in.

as being a believer and having the faith of a Christian,
i am supposed to battle life with His words, with His deeds, through Him.

but then i am weak.
and now i'm left with nothing but a bunch of sadness.
i wanted to cry but i won't.
i am in need of something like unknown.
it's deep.

and then i pray.