escapist
09162006
too many thoughts keep running my head this past few weeks. too much ramblings. i even stayed distressed out of nothing, you know, i should be doing my volume four for three weeks yet i just froze every time i'm in front of my computer which then most of the time i end up doing other stuff instead. there's no progress at all.
well what basically is inside me. i feel
emotionally disturbed. to the point that i'm going psycho rolling my bed last night. hah! i felt stupid after realizing what i just did that time.
anyway the procrastination/escape week include watching great movies. to avoid the unnecessary feelings. yeah.
i laugh and cry with jennifer aniston(still my fave actress..she's sexy) and vince vaughn's
"the break up", even though i am not intimately involved with someone else before, i like to say that there are certain relationships that should be kept in some ways, like just being friends instead of having a commitment, to stay that good interaction and in the end much better relationship.
and then i am awestruck with meryl strip's
"the devil wears prada", wuhoo andrea (anne h.) looks pretty in new york streets. i like emily. i don't want to meet a dragonlady or dragonman when i apprentice for architecture unless i'd really learn a lot.
whatelse?! yeah i also got a chance to watch
"highschool musical". i always caught myself singing 'breaking free', which is one of their songs in the movie. i like the siblings opposite gabriella and troy. haha their fun to watch. very high school....
'soaring, flying, there's no star in heaven that we can't reach... if we're tryin' then we're breaking free....' hehe
anyway one of the movie that really touched me is
"click" yeah the comedy thing of adam sandler. aside from the comic antics of adam, the movie is so good it teaches value. the importance of time. the balancing of work and family. too much focused on career causing too stressed out mind and body. yeah and whatelse interest me but the lead guy being an architect. so there's some sort of connection which most architects i guess could relate into. it welcomes the viewer to some of the hardship and negative side of arhitect's life. like us student's experiencing right now, we need social life but we just don't have time, we want to sleep, but only in our dreams!!!! haha you know finishing all those projects and plates and models made you want to put that caffeine in your system. haha. but then you didn't know you're losing your family and friends because you don't have time for them, because you don't want them around while doing some drafts or sketches. i remember one of our prof telling us that overtime is just a norm in the office, maybe even as we go to sleep there's still the image of what we are building, the concept and the ideas running and evolving. i really felt teary eyed when adam sandler's role got old and he skipped he's father's death because of that universal remote control which can make everything fast forward. you know that father and son thing going.
and then the last thing i watched that week was
"mozart and the whale" which is a story of two autistic, a guy(played by josh hartnett, a math savant) and a girl(an art and music savant), they battle the world with their difference, despite they're psycho illness they felt they're good together and so they became lovers. the good part was that you can see how could a two autistic, knowing they're condition, would actually relate to one another and live together. the conflict arises because everytime they argue it always lead to the guy wanting to be normal but the girl wants them to purely accept what they are and live with their situation.
one line that strikes me was told by the girl to his guy while fighting because his autistic girl just didn't behave normally during a visit of that autistic guy's boss( which actually hires him because he's good in math and not considering the condition)...... she said
" ... you know what, there's only one difference between us, you wanna be normal, and you crave for it "
any person can just relate to it. we want to be someone we are not. we are living because we want to achieve something to be that someone we want to be. but along the way we are forgetting important things. our true selves. who we are, what we've become because of people who cares for us because of who we simply are. over envisioning of one's self sometimes lead to pretensions. the unacceptance of our true identity. it's just so hard especially to those people who is seen and judged by others but feel so different inside in reality. scared of letting others know who we truly are. and i honestly felt it most of the time. feels like someone's in control. but you just can't do anything but go with the flow and do the right thing.
over and over
I haven't talked to
Him that much seriously over this past few days. My
prayer life had even gone worse. I have to say I am covered with guilt as to what I am doing, thinking or what have been each and every day
I should not be wanting.
The entrapment of this whole
identity I've been trying to let out, just keeps getting harder every time. I try to
focus on something much more important, more valuable as to what this emotions been unlocking. I don't want to sound so mysterious or so pathetic whatsoever... but I'm worrying on how a person, unsure if he's going to do
over and over again of some things he is guilty of, would actually be able to get over all of this whatever-you-may-call-it.
There are certain things in our life we just can't runaway from. There are
moments that have passed and just wanders in your head. You can't
get rid of. You are
ashamed of. There are
people affecting your decisions. There are situations you can't get away and just accept as it is. Factors of factors affecting who you are, what you believe, what is in you.
the
guilt. the
sin. the
life.
*after I wrote this entry I was walking in our campus to eat time for my vacant slot then I have a chance to pass the UST chapel, I don't know why, but there's something that pushes me to go inside. It was so quiet. I am hesitant to say the things that bugs me. But then I remember our God won't leave us, no matter what. I just prayed. Tell everything. I'm not sure what will happen after. I didn't even swear I will change. I just say things that have been kept inside me. It feels better, better than worse. I don't know if this questioning is unending but I know He's planning something. I believe He wants me to be happy. That being happy won't mean today nor tomorrow. Maybe someday, the
perfect time.
thanksgiving
these are some of the pics from our thanksgiving party of our highschool class (iv-pasteur matthean 2002) ...
well actually the idea of having this dinner started when a highschool friend email us via our yahoogroup which asks us how are we now?! then it turned out to be a
kamustahan thread and had gone for a month and .... so this dinner had been planned.
it was a fun night... soooper.... haha i remember i was laughin hard the whole time.... it's nice to see the people you know four or five years ago you share the same classroom with and now they're all starting out to climb their ladder of success... yesss... some have works...some graduates...some doing thesis ( it's me)... some in law school... simply put...we just have our own journey towards this competitive world...we have grown... and it's this night that by enjoying each other's company, we are thanking God and everyone else who had made us what we are now.... and what we'll be for the coming years...
eat bulaga
haha i don't know why i procrastinate too much... maybe i just need some rest...kaya eto nagsurf ako... anyway i have clicked the website of one of my fave variety show..haha hindi 'to jologs...maluffet pa rin ang tito, vic and joey...harrharr.... visit niyo 'to --->
http://www.eatbulaga.tvhehe intro pa lang maluffet na... la lang astig si julia...hehe wuhoo....ankulet ng dabarkads...
the architect song
this is the second song forwarded to me via email.. i can't remember the first song basta both were funny...hehe here's one of the songs:
THE ARCHITECT SONG
At first I was afraid, I was petrified
thinking I could not design what you had specified
But then I spent too many years redrawing what you just built wrong
and I grew strong
and I learned how to get along
And now you're back
with more floor space
I just walked in to find you here
with that QS look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid plan
I should have made you pay that fee
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me
Oh go now go,
delete that door
move the wall around now
you don't wanna pay for it anymore
Were you the one who tried to break me with your RFIs
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no not I
I will survive....
more to go
it was one of the
toughest week i had. i don't know why our college (
UST Architecture) had invented making a thesis on an individual work... why not make it in group or even partners.... anyway maybe that's how they train future real architects... doin the task on his own... well yeah with the help of all the resources he could get... but still the
effort is indescribableso i'm not even halfway of my thesis... still had to do two or three more volumes ( which makes it even harder and complicated...
chapters do sound better) of the
book. then
schemes and drawings follow... eto na ang patayan... the book being the basis of our drawings.... the researches, standards and all the needs for our drawings are there... dito na rin papasok ang pinaka magagastos na araw... from
plotting, to rendering then printing... ( imagine a single sheet cost 700 ba? just for a print and you'll have about 10-20 boards... excluding model pa yun...which i heard could go about 40 thousand... ah and all the necessary presentation materials.. haha) so di kalang papatayin... pahihirapin ka pa... all this in an academic year... ilalabas mo talaga ang lahat lahat from what you've learned on your first to fifth year... ergh... so why did i choose architecture in the first place?!haha i dunno... yun yung pinaka una sa listahan ng mga courses sa uste... hihihi
anyway after all this.. i dunno... if i pass i'd be more than happy lalo na if i graduate...hooh imagine from almost cutting my finger during the first two weeks of our first years to a blood sweating thesis on our fifth year...that's an achievement man...that's something more than being on top of mount everest...hehe... but still not the end of it all... we still have to
apprentice for two years to experience our world, dealing with real matters and stuff... then review for a
board exam then hopefully pass... then still have to practice for years until you get the necessary experience...which is impossible because architecture is forever changing...evolving and innovating..haha... so by the time you'll get to the top of the ladder...you'll be about to have your grandson/grand daughter...hehehe pero i know a few architects na at a young age made it there ah...hmmm...
anyway masiyado pang malayo ang aking lalakbayain sa pagiging arkitekto...ayt?! have to focus on my studies and my thesis for now..... and of course
serve God and his people to have that
strength overflowing...yeah... have to have that
inner power...that
driving force... kaya nga
driven di ba?!
