driven

i am breathing pain for a long time. it's becoming harder and harder as time goes. i know there's a lot of blessing God has been continously giving me for every second of my life. and i am very grateful for that. but i don't want to fake how i feel sometimes cause there's a lot of issues that is really taking a toll on me lately. and what hurts even more is when i try to hide it even if it wnats to explode bigtime. so it has to be expressed. shouted out.

point 1: i don't want an enemy. who wants one anyway? that's bullshit. i just can't understand why people love hurting others or stand it that long being so damn f*ckshit.

point 2: why some have to leave you hanging dead? without a word. without a clue even. give me reasons and i'll leave this crap immediately.

point 3: why are there whose so proud of themselves when they really got nothing to give or even share? why are there who discriminate? who judge? feeling so good laughing at other people's lesser fortune or abnormalities?

live your life people. this is everybody's world. and you don't know what stories are there behind the people you call what you call.

understand. is it that hard?

care and love. is it that impossible?

i'm not perfect. in fact i am poor, dirty and ugly inside out. but that doesn't keep me from living my life. although its becoming creepy at times whenever i get mad or go insane, it's me. that's how i am feeling, and so the best thing to do is deal with it. and whatever way i have dealing it, as long as i don't step on anyone's shoe, well that's just fine right? cause at the end whatever consequences my actions would make, it will all be coming back at me. and i would just have to accept it. will it cause me pain or joy? i don't know. but i'm sure i deserve whatever it is that fate serves me. cause in the first place it is me who pick from the options. no blamings. maybe regrets if it doesn't turn out good or celebrations if it becomes victorious, but it's just temporary. and whatever it is that i feel for a praticular moment, i believe God has plans. maybe it's just right on time. nevertheless i will continue this journey. God has blessed me with this life. and i don't want to waste it. whatever people say, only He knows me, my pain, my struggles, the path i am taking - i feel the road i am into right now is rough and full of unnecessary shitnitz but time will come by His grace, i am hoping and praying, that someone will take every piece of shit and crap off me.

i know it is not just me losing himself. let's just pray that the struggles we have be gone and positivities take its place right on time.