driven

My Monday Heart

The morning seems the usual but not myself. I am kind of feeling the hang over from last night's emotional outbreak. It is not too much, but there is certainly something that broke.

It was already late as I got up. Rushing myself for breakfast and preparations etceteras.
My sister who stayed with me weekdays with her kids had quickly put my meal at my lunchbox, which i enjoyed, 'cause ever since who knows when i never experienced that much thought.

I knew I am going to be late. But I tried to stay as cool as possible to protect myself from sweating too much, which is not good if I will enter the office on monday looking exhausted.

Heavy traffic. As usual, it is monday madness. As the vehicle towards the train station slowly move forward I still feel very sleepy, so I closed my eyes wishing it will make me relax a little, but my thoughts and my heart is as loud as a car horning behind the vehicle i'm riding, and it's irritating.

I ran towards the platform as soon as I pass the turnstile of Katipunan station hoping to make the earliest possible time to reach the office. But as I get there it seems like the train has just passed so I have to wait for another few minutes.

Waiting, in any sense, is as natural for me as breathing.

As i waited i was thinking of last night's happening. Thank God for a friend who has accompanied me the late sunday afternoon to hear mass and spend the night for a talk on how everything's going. I didn't share much cause i know she already felt how i was feeling and it will make her bore to death if I still talk about it. It was usual of me talking to her that topic again and again and again that I don't have to bring it up because even before i speak, she knows what I am thinking. But instead of resolving what seem to be an issue I decided
to lighten up the topic and bring the spotlight to a much happier talk. That moment i chose happiness. But not til i went home.

Everyone asleep as I lie at my bed. I can't get over the ache, it is more than my want to be happy, or at least just my need to sleep. I prayed. I cried. I imagined I am sleeping.

Then i'm on the platfrom again, i realized my mind just flew in somewhere.
and i turned to see who's on my side.Tthere she was. What seemed to be a dream suddenly
came here with me. I recognize her, I saw her twice and remember even share a trip once going at the very station we're in. This is the fourth time I've seen her and get this close. Suddenly this stranger mean something to me. I glanced at her but she don't seem to care, she look straight to where the train will be coming out. And as soon as the train arrives I followed her as she pass the door, but in a moment she's gone, covered with the crowd.
I tried to look behind as i went out the train hoping to have a glimpse of her pretty face.
For a while my heart whisper something it never say before. I heard the smoother voice of my heart rather than the loud aching it cries the night before.

The struggles seem to take it rest for that moment or just as i thought, a new will arise.

posted by juliusmarzan @ 8:37 AM