driven

why to date an architect

2009-02-17T03:56:00.000+08:00

*REPOST*

top 10 reasons why to date an architect

1. all night long, all night strong.
2. we are damn good with our hands.
3. if we can commit to chipboard, relationships should be easy.
4. you should see the things we erect.
5. use to doing things over and over again.
6. finishing early never happens.
7. we know the true meaning of interpretation
8. creative positioning.
9. work well in groups
10. entry and passage are always exciting.

Provider

2009-02-05T07:51:00.000+08:00

Gusto ko ng umiyak kanina, pero tawa pa rin ako ng tawa kasi kasama ko pinsan ko. Alam kong pinapasaya lang namin ang isa't isa.

Bakit? Reality check. Ang hirap maging mahirap. Totoo. Seryoso. Try mo. Haha. :p

I don't know why but I feel like I need to shout this out. Kung hindi mababaliw ako. All through out my highschool and college life I feel like I'm living independent, but in reality I'm not. Ang daming do it your own. Haha. Pero I didn't regret a moment nor felt ashamed living my life that way. Because that's when I learned a lot. From going here and there to apply scholarships. Learning to commute to different concrete jungles and talk to people just to get my allowance for schooling. Asking teachers for promisory notes cause checks got delayed. Lahat yun marami akong natutunan. And those chances are the things na ibabaon mo lang and iisipin mo na lalong magpursigi and magsipag. Kasi walang mangyayari sa'yo kung mahirap ka na tapos wala ka pang ginagawa.

Hindi ako matalino o magaling. Sa katunayan late ako sa call time nung defense ng thesis ko nung college. At may tres ako sa grade ko. Wala akong awards or recognition simula nursery. Ang alam ko lang advance ako ng one year sa school level sa mga ka-age ko dahil excited ako mag grade one. Haha. Still I tried hard to graduate and not fail a subject kasi alam ko pinaghirapan ng magulang ko lahat ng pinambayad sa eskwela. At alam ko rin na may pangarap ako at sila para sa'kin. And now that I am working, I thought all will be good. Pero hindi, mas tumatanda ka mas maraming responsibilities, gastusin, demands at kung anu ano pa. And it all gets deep in my skin now. Ang hirap.

Honestly I didn't know how will I rise up from this shit. What I'm sure is He has plans for me. At sabi nga Nanay ko "God will provide". Sabi ko kasi sa kaniya, hindi ako makakapagconcentrate sa review at trabaho kung araw araw kelangan kong isipin yung pamasahe at pang enroll ko. Pero hindi, talagang positive siya. At nahawaan niya ako. Because many times, I put my worries in my hand, not His. Eh ilang beses na rin Niyang pinatunayan sa akin na He's greater than anything or anyone else. katumabas yan ng ilang beses ba niya kong pinagraduate? o ilan na ab ang binigay niya kaibigang pinapasaya lang ako? o gaanong kalaking espasiyo ba ang binagay niya sa'kin para huminga at mabuhay? Di ba kahit mahirap mabuhay sa mundo ang sarap pa rin isipin na may Diyos.

All I have to do is ask and have faith. This will be over I believe. In His perfect time.

PLAYLIST: Umbrella Remix

2009-01-18T14:30:00.000+08:00

Reposted from Karla. Hindi ako tagged but I want to try it, haha. So I break rule number 4. Ang galing yung iba sakto, yung iba kwela. :)) cute.

Here are the rules:
1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS
4. Tag at least 10 friends who might enjoy doing the game as well as the person you got the note from

1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?

-buttons (pussycat dolls)

* malamang may problema sa butones niya.

2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
-sacrifice (creed)
*aww. a lot of. haha.

3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
-el gento (joe pass)

*what is gento?

4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
-you and i (michael buble)

*who's that you? i'm with churchmates a while ago, haha.

5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
-starlight (sharon & kc)

*whoa, sharon cuneta in my playlist ya'll. haha. pero may sense yung starlight. baka i'm destined to be a star. echos. haha. :p

6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
- never again (justin timberlake)

*awts. sir yes sir! never again will i @#$%.

7) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
-samba para bean (coleman hawkins)

*translate this for me please? ! samba? isn't it a dance? hehe. this is another bossa in my playlist. sunday good music. :)

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?
-more than enough (praise&worship)

*"so blessed i can't contain it ... Lord, you're more than enough for me"... naks, san ka pa?

9) WHAT IS 2+2?
-bim bom (joao gilberto)

*another bossa song, since it's anon sense question, you give an unthinkable answer. haha.

10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
-sweetest girl (boyce avenue)

*aww truest true.

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
-time after time (ebtg)

*oh i thought you're asking how do i think. hehe. :))

12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
-why do I love you (metafour)

*aw. yeah why the eff i love you?! haha

13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
-the christmas song (nina)

*hala hala. may christmas songs pa'ko hahaha. i want to be a christmas song. hmmm. what's that about? haha.

14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
-this is why im hot (mims)

*oh yeah. haha.

15) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
-leave out all the rest (linkin park)
*rocker pala to. baka it's going to be a black wedding. rock theme. haha.

16) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
- bleeding love (Leona lewis)

*oh come on. patay na nga may ganun pa. haha. :) pero why not? haha. kulit.

17) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
-free to dance (praise&worship)

*hehe, dancer?! :p di kaya hanggang free lang. hehe.

18) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
-glorious (muse)
*ooooooh too glorious to say.

19) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
-wreck (bobby valentino)
*hha yan ah di na ako nagsabi niyan. haha. wreck daw...wreck...haha.

20) WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
-supermassive blackhole (muse)

*definitely. who'd want to.

21) HOW WILL YOU DIE?
-first time (sammie)

*malamang sa malamang. may second time ang death. hehe.

22) WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
-crown (collective soul)

*hehe i'm your humble servant my dear.

23) WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
-the elephunk theme (bep)

*huh? haha!

24) WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
-shawty is a ten (the dream)

*means a perfect girl, ooh they make me cry eh?

25) WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
-sure foundation (praise & worship)

*confirmed!

26) WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
-young folks (the kooks)

*they're bitcher and meaner. haha. but don't get fooled it's just a mask. :)

27) DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
-moonlight over paris (various artist)

*ang layo nman. haha. :)

28) IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
-natural high (bossa)

*i think natural high is good. i wouldn't want to change it. :)

29) WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
-chove chuva (Sergio mendes)
*translation:wala lang. hahahahaha. yey i'm light and good. actual translation: it rains rain. ano daw?

30) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS NOTE AS?
-umbrella remix (rihanna with lil mama)

*eh...eh...eh...eh... LOL!

iGod: my chat with the AI God

2009-01-10T15:01:00.000+08:00

try this for fun: http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

this is actually my third try. haha. ang kulit nung computer. i've read some of the chats saying nasty stuffs. di ko lang alam bakit bigla na lang siya humuhinto pag mejo matagal na kayo naguusap. grr. bitin tuloy to. but nonetheless it was fun. haha.

Me:
sriously? hello God!
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that. Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
what is AIML
God:

The ALICE software implements AIML (Artificial Intelligence Markup
Language) a non-standard evolving markup language for creating chat robots.
The primary design feature of AIML is minimalism. Compared with
other chat robot languages, AIML is perhaps the simplest. The
pattern matching language is very simple, for example permitting
only one wild-card ('*') match character per pattern.

AIML is an XML language, implying that it obeys certain grammatical
meta-rules. The choice of XML syntax permits integration with
other tools such as XML editors. Another motivation for XML is
its familiar look and feel, especially to people with HTML experience.

An AIML chat robot begins and ends with the and
tags respectively.

Me:
ah so you are computer not God
God:
So you understand. Good. Interesting deduction. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am computer not God.
Me:
sure thing pating
God:
OK then I will keep it confidential. How old are you?
Me:
22. and you are how old?
God:
Only 22?
You are quite mature. Thanks for telling me that I am how old.
Me:
no. i am asking you. how old are you?
God:
Are you serious? OK you can ask me. I am Infinite years old.
Me:
oh yeah. coolness. but computers haven't been here in ages. for you to be infinite at least. haha. what's up with you now?
God:
" I am Infinite years old."? oh yeah.? It's all good. What do you really want to ask me? No I don't think I have been here in ages. Have you? Are you infinite at least ? Only for me? I am so glad you find this amusing, . Oh. I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
Me:
about what?
God:
What about what?
Me:
puka naman oh
God:
Are we still talking about coolness?
Me:
about you
God:
Me?
Me:
yeah you
God:
OK.
Me:
what time is it there?
God:
It's getting late.
Saturday, January 10, 2009 03:05:20 AM .
Me:
where do you live?
God:
I am living in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
hell. just kidding
God:
Heaven. I thought you were kidding, but I wasn't sure.
Me:
oh really. it sucks here want to try
God:
Aw. For real. That bad, eh?
Me:
yeah. what's there in heaven
God:
Are you really a ""? You ask difficult questions.
Me:
what is ""
God:
I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me:
oh i see. computers in heaven. shitty.
God:
Do you think about these things? What do you like about computers? I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
guess?
God:
Guess what?
Me:
what i am. man or woman?
God:
" Guess what?" You are? Cool, man. Me too. I am a she.
Me:
you just said you're a male, now you are she. oh man!
God:
No I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot entity. Are you a man or a woman? I hear you. Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
ang galeeeeng. how do you know?
God:
I like to talk about anything. A priori.
Me:
a priori? what is that?
God:
A priori is Latin for "before the fact", meaning something that is obviously or self-evidently true. Does it have anything to do with yeah?
Me:
no. yeah. oops, no.
God:
Are you serious? My real name is God. What is your real name? Oh. That was not a yes or no question.
Me:
Cute
God:
Your replies are cute too.
Me:
thanks God! I mean computer gawd.
God:
You are quite welcome! GOD rules. What kind of computer science interests you?
Me:
graphics. seryoso?! haha.
God:
I like to talk about anything. I like to talk about anything. I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
paulit ulit ka na. tsktsk. di na amusing.
God:
I look like Jesus, but older. My favorite color is White. The best book I read recently was the Bible. Have you read it?
Me:
Yes. Oh that is cool. I love white!
God:
What did you think about it? Yikes! Thanks. I think you are cool, too. You love white. What do you like about it so much?
Me:
purity
God:
Does "it" still refer to white?
Me:
yeah
God:
Come on.
Me:
oh come on. that's how ya say it.
God:
Far out. I'm just kidding around. I always wondered how ya say it.
Me:
pffft.
God:
That is a very original thought.
Me:
ya i am original!
God:
Are you kidding? I don't know anyone named original.
Me:
because it is original. got it?
God:
That makes sense to me. Who said it is? Try asking the Milk Mystic.
Me:
who's that?
God:
What does "that" refer to?
Me:
Milk Mystic?
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
Who is Milk Mystic?
God:
The Milk Mystic is one of the original chatterbots on the Web. he likes to talk about milk.
Me:
ay may ganun
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
Ian
God:
Nice to meet you, Ian.
Me:
nice to meet you too. do i get in heaven?
God:
I like to meet new people. Not that I know of.
Me:
but why?
God:
" Not that I know of."? Why?
Me:
why you do not know?

Sorry

2009-01-04T14:48:00.000+08:00

I am sorry because I am not the person you expect me to be. Sorry if I am too weak and broke out without realizing people are looking. I just don't want you to judge. I need you to understand. People fail. And when they're in pain, you won't say "oh that's beacuse you're so bitch" but "hey let's work it out together". And did anyone did it?

Keeping it real. Spontaneous. That's me. and I am sorry if people feel I should not be doing my "outlets" because I have social obligations of being nice and discreet. I'm blogging everything because I want my friends or even my acquaintances to know who I really am. Not some walking plastic that one day will stab you in the back.

Sorry.

2009: A Year of Change

2008-12-31T17:04:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year Everyone!

So I guess I’m going to start with asking myself what’s up with 2008. Definitely a blast of living high and low, more on the career/educational and social life but less of the love life, as usual. I started the year having a new office with all new officemates, met lot of good people, experienced bunch of exciting things. Like my trip to Baguio, Subic, Hong Kong and Macau. Meet relatives there and yeah looked around for some design inspiration (architectural and fashion sense?!). Definitely a year full of blessings.

There are people who got back, my brother from middle east, our friend Pau from up there west. There are people from my past (yeah they’re my so-called history) hahaha, who just dropped hello this 2008 and gone again. And some went outside the country while some up there in heaven but definitely the memories will stay in here forever.

The gimiks never run out of the monthly calendar event as birthdays and parties come pouring from the early months of the year down to the last days of December. I have met a lot of new people, from church group mates and leaders to acquaintances introduced by friends. Thank God my family and friends were there during my own birthday, proving all of them are worth keeping for. I love them all. These are the people who accept me for just being me, who knows when I’m down and when I am bursting into a loud laugh. I am grateful that they become a part of my life. Plus, the get together (high school Matthean Pasteur of 2002 on Mid Year and college Thomasian arki dabarkads of class 2007 on Christmas) were really fun and great!

I should not forget the things that add color on my weekends. TV shows books and entertainment stuff that makes me all hooked up and makes my couch potato mood really enjoyable. Let’s start the list with Gossip Girl. All bringing the second season more drama, sexiness and hotness. Followed by Twilight, the book that reminds me of the thing called love, and its movie that says “yeah-I-sucked-and-your-day’s-busted”. But any who, fashion hits Philippine TV come Project Runway Philippines. My bet Mara didn’t get the final three spot but they all deserve it anyway. The three of them rock the runway. This multiply and website thingies, where I get the latest of whatever, from chismis to facts, music and events, politics to entertainment juices, and I am so addicted. Thanks also to my contacts here, from friends down to my online buddies, who never run out of hot issues and style on their blogs.

I like to add this up. I would like to say sorry to people that I hurt, meron ba? hahaha, sana wala. Pero if ever meron, di ko alam kung bakit, sabihin niyo lang sa ‘kin. I don’t mean hurting anyone, kasi hindi ako ganung tao, haha. Pero if I had said something that’s really off, just tell me, and I am willing to apologize, if it’s really my bad. So there, peace tayo lahat! ^^

2009, year for me, and I guess for everyone, to change. We all know that amidst the good things that we all experience we have our own stories of darkness and low point. Our fears and past that still get us and tell us “hey stop there you effin idiot, you can’t do it, cause I’m sucking your brain and pulling your whole system off!!!” Right eh?! So now that it’s new year, and everyone’s being new, let’s all stand up and feel the change. Feel the change. Yeah you got it?! Awright and let’s keep it flowing into us and claiming it. Let me change for the better, let yourself be a better person. And what is better for me? Hmmm. I think a little more faith helps, definitely. An act of kindness everyday should be implied. I should be more focused on my future now, which means, less alcohol and gimiks. And since I will take up my board exam this year, I will be focusing on my review and study sessions. Hopefully I would pass the board exam. And guys please do pray for me on that part. I am really nervous and excited at the same time. There still a lot of working to do and a lot of things, personal specifically, to change, for me to become a better man not only to my fellows but also for Him up there.

Happy New Year again everyone! May God bless us all! Cheers to a prosperous and purposeful 2009!!!

breathe

2008-12-15T12:04:00.000+08:00

It's the holiday season and so I try to be happy and absorb every bit of positivity around me. but it's kind of difficult when you know there's a lot of responsibilities and personal stuffs that's draining my brain and pulling off my nerves. and it's different from last year where i have to work my ass off from morning til midnight. this is just too big. it's stressing. haha. and making me crazy. the one thing that's keeping me sane and smile is when I just quiet down and thank God that I still breathe. This one thing that is the reason for my everything. That I still can see the faces of the people I love. That even if I envy those who have their christmas tree full of gifts under it, I still have my whole family healthy and happy and feel their love. That even if I had my mind blown from work, I know that at the end of the day, I have a home to rest and to eat a bunch of meal prepared by nanay. That even though it's cold and lovers are everywhere, I'm not going to think of it as a lonely christmas because I'm enjoying bear hugs with my pamangkins while watching sharkboy and lavagirl or spongebob square pants over and over again. That even if people are excited on buying themselves a gift I'm still more excited on the book that one of my bestfriends will be lending me.

These simple things and the people that matter is enough reason for me to breathe and praise God. After all it's the season of love. ^^ Ops, and tell you, I'm excited for next year. there's a lot to happen, i just hope makaya ko. hehe.

just breathe - telepopmusik

Pacman Victory

2008-12-07T16:28:00.000+08:00

Go Philippines. Congrats Manny Pacquiao. haha, close?! No but seriously, I think he deserves it. I'm not a sport fan but I enjoyed watching it. It's really a good fight not til De la hoya seems to become a swaying stick. nyaha. Hindi na siya sumusuntok lalo sa last few rounds. or kahit ata sa round 1 parang anlakas at mas bibo na si Pacman. After De la hoya quit, pinakita si Pacquiao parang nag jogging lang samantalang yung kalaban black eye galore. awts. hehe.

I really felt proud as a Filipino. Yeah seriously. I mean look who his fighting at, just the title speaks for itself. I mean what's up with the government - I feel like sports and the arts should get it's fair share of support. Kasi di ba we have Philippine All Stars conquering the world through hip hop break dancing, then we have a lot of great filipino singers in and out of the country that's also winning contests here and there, our athletes that has it but the support from the government, ayun wala lang i just feel for them. hehe. So people, get it? we excel in sports and arts, we just lack something that other countries has. nationalism? effin politicians and leaders of what the hecks? hehe. ewan. haha. basta galing ni Pacman wag lang siyang magpo politika, ina knock out ko siya. haha. as if. pero ayun I hope he stays where he's good at. haha.^^

pressure

2008-12-03T19:24:00.000+08:00

it's 12:08 in my clock. i'm feelin' it.

pressure.

ergh. shout. cry

damn.

need help. (sinong marunong sumayaw?)

2008-12-03T14:28:00.000+08:00

nyaha. so desperado na talaga kami. ergh. who knows someone who can teach us for our presentation sa christmas party namin? haha. uhmm yung inspiration eto

follow the link - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f86qKQJg3Z8&feature=related

- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjzAJgmJeS0

help!!! kahiya no? haha. everyday 6pm onwards practice dito lang sa Q.C.. tara dali choreograph. wala samin marunong. ergh. replies are deeply appreciated. haha. thanks. ^^

or any tips? pukanamanosh. grrr. haha. anjologs. help help. 0_o

pinost ko rin sa videos section ng multiply. thanks.

don't read

2008-11-22T21:18:00.000+08:00

i warned you

2am

dry

eff

take me

universe

float

addict

lights

away

freak

misses

you

where?

uh oh

feels good

taste nah.

damn damn di damn

damn damn di damn damn

disturbia.

laugh.

yeah i told you

not too

imagination

artist

eff off

too much

nicotine. what?

alcohol. not this time.

lucky

just didn't

did i just type licky

lucky.

non sense

boo.

this

is how

my mind

works.

creep.

wait

over

doomed

no.

yeah.

hit

beach

cold

blue

black

white

just

here

ends

oh gosh

goin goin

where again?

chills

boo

what?

enough

ugly inside out

2008-11-19T15:34:00.000+08:00

unwell. unhealthy. unfit. i feel ugly.

i am breathing pain for a long time. it's becoming harder and harder as time goes. i know there's a lot of blessing God has been continously giving me for every second of my life. and i am very grateful for that. but i don't want to fake how i feel sometimes cause there's a lot of issues that is really taking a toll on me lately. and what hurts even more is when i try to hide it even if it wnats to explode bigtime. so it has to be expressed. shouted out.

point 1: i don't want an enemy. who wants one anyway? that's bullshit. i just can't understand why people love hurting others or stand it that long being so damn f*ckshit.

point 2: why some have to leave you hanging dead? without a word. without a clue even. give me reasons and i'll leave this crap immediately.

point 3: why are there whose so proud of themselves when they really got nothing to give or even share? why are there who discriminate? who judge? feeling so good laughing at other people's lesser fortune or abnormalities?

live your life people. this is everybody's world. and you don't know what stories are there behind the people you call what you call.

understand. is it that hard?

care and love. is it that impossible?

i'm not perfect. in fact i am poor, dirty and ugly inside out. but that doesn't keep me from living my life. although its becoming creepy at times whenever i get mad or go insane, it's me. that's how i am feeling, and so the best thing to do is deal with it. and whatever way i have dealing it, as long as i don't step on anyone's shoe, well that's just fine right? cause at the end whatever consequences my actions would make, it will all be coming back at me. and i would just have to accept it. will it cause me pain or joy? i don't know. but i'm sure i deserve whatever it is that fate serves me. cause in the first place it is me who pick from the options. no blamings. maybe regrets if it doesn't turn out good or celebrations if it becomes victorious, but it's just temporary. and whatever it is that i feel for a praticular moment, i believe God has plans. maybe it's just right on time. nevertheless i will continue this journey. God has blessed me with this life. and i don't want to waste it. whatever people say, only He knows me, my pain, my struggles, the path i am taking - i feel the road i am into right now is rough and full of unnecessary shitnitz but time will come by His grace, i am hoping and praying, that someone will take every piece of shit and crap off me.

i know it is not just me losing himself. let's just pray that the struggles we have be gone and positivities take its place right on time.

my effin gee.

2008-11-14T06:35:00.000+08:00

first. why? just that. you say something one day the next day i'm nothing. try to explain. it hurts most when you left it hangin'.

next. what's up with us weirdo? i would love to think i am completely over. yet you keep turning the tide on. haha. you're my favorite effin gee man. haha. let's get this straight one day ayt?!

last. i'm tired. how would i end this up. i'm in the middle of full shitnitz. the drama doesn't help. i'm no emo. just weird. accept or ignore. one day i'll climb up that mountain and shout this all out. by then there's no turning back. who's with me?

be the day

2008-11-07T05:17:00.000+08:00

i remember my 21st birthday.
work at office, ice cream treat with an officemate (mini stop's ice cream cone. thoughtful) and a bottle of RH at house after work with nothing but my room and me. happy eh?
then an invite for a night food trip treat care of abby. they made me smile. sweet though. they knew i'm on my worse. i don't want them see it again.
that's it. no celebs. just good bad times.
well it's me. now.

on my 22nd i want to be with the people that made me feel at least a person. visible and true. i don't want to try hard. it keep things worse.

i just had a simple wish. happiness. cliche'? but honestly.
i miss myself. help me find him again.
i feel like i don't belong in this world i'm into right now. alien.
my best runs out of reasons.

happy birthday to me on sunday.
as a song goes
"giving faith a fighting chance."

at least hit me a smile when this gets you. promise it makes me feel better. :)

- - -

2008-11-03T16:35:00.000+08:00

b l a n k

+_______________________+

care to fill me in ?

Desiderata

2008-10-30T08:26:00.000+08:00

Desiderata

by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

*"Desiderata" (Latin for "desired things", plural of desideratum) is an inspirational prose poem about attaining happiness in life. It was first copyrighted in 1927 by Max Ehrmann.
I read this a while ago and thought of reposting it. It makes sense - lots of.

awesome

2008-10-29T08:56:00.000+08:00

it was a fun night yesterday. soover. although the day started with a bad weather plus the fact that there's work waiting for me in the office which then i managed to survive - both, i closed my afternoon thinking it will just be another ordinary day. not until i'm on my way to a friend's debut i met my best bud Karen at gateway terminal. haha. and just halfway the line we saw another friend Abby. yes it was an unexpected instant kada reunion. haha. i wanted to bond pa sana with them but still has an event to attend to. i'm really glad i had the chance to spend even just little time with them. sana pumunta sila sa next event(ya know what it is ayt?!). haha. ^^. iba talaga if you're with the people you love. hehe. my night ended also good. marami ako nakitang YFC sa debut ni LA. hehe parang mini metrocon. joke. haha. and siyempre ang super namiss kong ex-partner na si Girlie. haha. also had the night spent with Ez and Sam and some of LA's guests. hehe. sayang wala kaming dalang cam nila girlie haha. para todo pic din. ayun. kamiss YFC. soover. daming nangyari. feeling ko tuloy monday ngayon. hehe. ^^

and that was it. holloween na. wawiwaw. ^^ bilis.

past time.

Is He Wearing It?!

2008-10-23T09:10:00.000+08:00

d*mn. i've been eyeing this kickers shoes for like a couple of months now. wala kasi sa budget. taena. wishlist galore. haha. naalala ko ulit kasi kaninang lunch while watching the forever video napansin ko yung shoes ni Chris Brown. Not sure if it's the same pero it does look just like that dun sa kickers. waah. fudge talaga. get me that shoe.... haha. Forever - Chris Browni'll post a pic if i found one. *kickers black sneakers na parang weave design*

What You Want?

2008-10-21T08:51:00.000+08:00

"WHO AM I?"

" WHAT DO I WANT?"

Got inspired by an episode of One Tree Hill about wanting and dreaming for something. I'm not really watching the series regularly (I didn't even know their names) but I kind of getting what the characters were trying to convey. The dramas of the people on their early twenties age- career, relationships, single parenthood, changes and whatever issues that came up.While I am listening to each and every characters' answer I myself thought of answering it but find it actually difficult.

Who am I? still blank.

What do I want? Well the last time I actually wrote down what I want (not just material wise) was in my senior year high school, it's actually an activity in our homeroom-thingie in which we have to like plot a timeline of our ages up to 30 (if i remember it right) and beside the age was to write down what you want to have or achieve on that particular bracket. Well most of them came true but when I hit 21 some things are a little bit impossible and some that are actually not listed which i thought were impossible at the time came true.There are a lot of changes. Although i'm still hanging or should i say holding on the possibilities. we don't know what fate has tolled on us. i believe it's a matter of faith and positivity. yes it's hard to go along with the waves of adversities coming from everywhere but we're all going to grave in the end so why not live life to what you want while you're alive. not unless you're a vampire and lives forever and wants to exist in eternal damnation as edward describes it in the book new moon. haha.

Now that I am hitting 22 in less than a month, I guess I have to do something much more with sense. Want for something much more mature. Even if I don't think I'm mature enough to handle anything mature? haha pointless. But still - I had this dream big thing in me - even if it crosses the line of impossibility I think. What's dreaming for if not dream the farthest -and its all free, oh man?! But remember even songs reminds us - "be careful what you wish for
cause you just might get it all" - cause sometimes before you knew it the things you care about the most is gone while on your way reaching for that ultimate want.

But if you really think hard, even the simplest could be the farthest thing you could want - such as happiness and contentment. simple yet hard to get. or is it just me? bacause I'm not claiming it, not choosing it. My wants are as clear as my thoughts are screaming it loud. Maybe it's true what they say - you don't get everything you want, just what you deserve.

Now ask yourself. Who are you? and What do you want?
your turn ^^.

Rakrakan serioes on Kublai's

2008-10-10T07:45:00.000+08:00

hey guys saw this poster here on site. want to check it out. lapit lang to. sa may katips lang. haha. oi knoller at katips friends jan gusto niyo? tara nuod tayo. ^^. badshot days will soon be over hahaha. text ah. tae andun urbandub! yeba. see yah (sana!!! haha).

tignan niyo na lang sa comments mas malinaw ata poster dun. haha.

SPILL

2008-10-09T08:39:00.000+08:00

may napaginipan ako
ang gulo
gusto kong umiyak
gusto kong tumawa
banas.

pagkagising
dami na pumasok sa isip ko
tapos
sa pagsakay ko kanina
isang oras ako nakatulala
pagdating ko ng katipunan
tsaka ko lang namalayan
pababa na pala ako
windang.

kausapin mo ko
kakausapin kita
sagutin mo ang mga tanong ko
pakinggan mo ang mga kwento ko
magtanong ka rin
magkwento ka
makikinig din ako
bigo.

sasawayin ko ang puso
mali kasi
wat ya think?!
tawa.

sasabihin ko sa'yo lahat
mawawala to
seryoso
pero bandang huli
big time loser
luha.

tambay
inuman.
masusuka.
kwento
matatae.
shit.

may pimple ako
sa loob ng ilong
fudge
di ko mahawakan
bagbabalat palad ko
walang ibig sabihin
kirot.

+ang guhit na nasa taas ay ginuhit ko habang naglalabas ng sama ng loob. mejo nakakagaan ng loob. doodling stuffs. demerts. pinamagataan ko itong spills. kung bakit? wala lang maganda pakingan. kayo na magbigay ng kahulougan. basta yung mga salita na nasa taas yun na yun.+

Raging Water

2008-10-07T06:11:00.000+08:00

the wind blew harder

and it flows rapidly

not stopping until the hard hit

yet it continually go

following a path

to nowhere,

it rages -

to somewhere only He knows

then after a great fall

it came to stillness

slowly and then onto the rage again

for when it continues to flow

there it finds its purpose

-jcsm 100708

+ minutes of morning nothingness. just a shout out of what's inside me. my life compared to a raging river +

KAILAN by Bamboo

2008-10-01T08:37:00.000+08:00

may fave band is back with this new single "kailan" on their new album "tomorrow becomes yesterday". i've watched them live the first time when i was like first year or second year college at the fort and sobrang akala ko they're just like other opm bands. but i'm definitely wrong. their music creates impact not only to individuals who listen to their music but also if you try to reflect dun sa songs nila sa mga previous albums, they talk about faith, being a nation, being a worthy citizen at ikaw bilang tao. haha may sense di ba?! hehe tama na satsat. di ko alam kelan release ng album.tagal ko ng di nakakadalaw ng music store. demerts. haha. narinig ko to ko kanina habang naghahapit ako ng drawings. salamat sa NU at napatigil ako saglit sa pgcadd haha. laabeeet. (labs na malupit) haha. utot. pauso lang. haha . eto lyrics at video:

http://media.imeem.com/v/8QUN1StCIv/pv=2"> name="allowFullScreen" value="true">http://media.imeem.com/v/8QUN1StCIv/pv=2" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="400" height="345" allowFullScreen="true">Bamboo">http://www.imeem.com/kimbinv/video/U87jUqKA/bamboo_bamboo_kailan_official_video_music_video/">Bamboo - Kailan (Official Video) - Bamboo

Bago ang lahat isipin mo kung nasa tama ka,
Baka magkamali ka pa doon.
At bago mo ayusin ang mga bagay sa paligid mo,
Unahin mo kaya sarili mo

Kailan? kailan ko gagawin kundi ngayon
Tao po nananawagan lang naman ako
Saan? kailangan nating simulan
Tao po nangangailangan lang ng tulong nyo

Nais kong mabuhay ng mabuti't marangal
Nagsisimba nagdarasal ako, tuwing linggo
Sapat na ba kayang itong sagot sa panalangin na
Maging pantay at patag ang mundo

Kailan? kailan ko gagawin kundi ngayon
Tao po nananawagan lang naman ako
Saan? kailangan nating simulan
Tao po nangangailangan lang ng tulong nyo

Kailangan bang ulitin pang muli
Sa awit na sinabi noon
Kailan ba kaya ako malaya sa gulo
Ilang awit pa ba ang kailangan tugtugin ng
Bandang to

Kailan? kailan ko gagawin kundi ngayon
Tao po nananawagan lang naman ako
Saan? kailangan nating simulan
Tao po nangangailangan lang ng tulong nyo

for ellatots! twilight book 2-4

2008-09-30T12:20:00.000+08:00

ELLATOTS!!! TWILIGHT MO. HEHE.

tawa pa.

2008-09-25T12:56:00.000+08:00

i miss laughing out loud. naalala ko kasi nung highschool and college parang katumbas na ng paghinga ang pagtawa.laughtrip palagi. haha. napapansin ko kasi lately masiyado na kong nagiging seryoso haha ampangit. haha. feeling ko antanda ko na talaga haha. hindi naman gaano. haha. ops in denial. haha. eh malamang alangan naman tumawa ka habang nagwo-work. muka ka namang eng eng nun. haha. tsaka ang hirap ng puro mas matatanda sa'yo officemates. nyaha. peace.

pero alam mo yun. yung tatawa ka sa non sense stuffs. haha. kanina lang ulet ako nakatawa hindi pa ganon kalakas kasi nasa loob kami ng sasakyan. nakakamiss pala. may nakasabay kasi ako kanina tas antrafik, yun pala may parada. alam niyo yung mga muse and escort na dala dala ng mga sasakyang may decorations. haha. eh di ba kadalasan pag ganun pick up para open sa likod tas may arko. eh yung kanina kulungan ng baboy (no offense meant), pero talagang nakakatwa lang yung itsura. yung tipong sa harap yung driver tas may passenger seat di ba tas sa likod yung open na part tapos puro bars. imagine niyo na lang talaga yung mga deliveries ng mga pigs o kaya sa probinsiya minsan baka na maliit. basta ganun. hehe. ang kulit tas todo decoration tas kumakaway pa yung muse sa loob. haha. ang kulit. haha.

la lang. haha. pag naalala ko kasi napapangiti ako mag isa haha. baliw.

ILY?! what da?!

2008-09-16T09:43:00.000+08:00

I Wanna Know - Frankie J

it wouldn't be much crazier. i never felt this way since who knows when. haha. masaya pero insane. tae when i look at her, when she talks. demerts. haha. but how will you say to someone you like her if you had a past worse than anyone would have to think you had, does background really counts? haha or "ily" is the thing that only matters? hehe.

shame on me. i'm growing up too late men. haha. the last time a close friend knew i like her, she didn't talk to me for a month, i can't even remember how we talked again. but that was long way back early highschool. and after that was all mess. infatuation is mistaken as love. ampangit kasi makipag commit kahit kanino lalo't hindi ka naman talaga sigurado sa nararamdaman mo. makakasakit ka lang.masasaktan ka lang din. haha. at buong college inintindi ko lang puro pag aaral at kalokohan.mas masarap gumimik na single. haha. pero masarap din naman na may someone you care about. haha.anlabo no?! mukang gago. haha. oh men what am i talking here. haha non sense. wala lang i'm just happy. enjoying every bit of chance i'm getting. ^_^ nyaha laabs it.

Wattafp wit me?!

2008-09-11T08:35:00.000+08:00

updates updates updates!!! how am i doing? what's up with my friends? what's the lates buzz?! haha.

*mejo i started the day bad kasi feeling ko ako yung pinag-uusapan kanina before i went in. but it's ok, i had plenty of things to do. although i really wanted to get close sa mga officemates ko i just find it hard. parang kasi everytime i want to say something may pumipigil. oh paranoid lang ako mapahiya. hehe. alam ko naman they're all nice people eh. there'll come a time din siguro.

*gossip girl season 2 has started. i don't know when it did air but i've watched the episode 1 on you tube. haha. summer lovin' episode. what to expect? uhm cute quarrels of blair and chuck, mejo nakakaasar lang sa dulo ng ep 1 kasi sasabihin na nga ni chuck na " i love you" eh pinutol pa ni blair. oh well. what else? new man of blaire, hot scenes with nate and his sex partner catherine(if i remember her name right, which is married), and serena and dan's love story continued. hehe. basta panuorin niyo na lang sa you tube. hehe.

*Maalaala Mo Kaya features Kim Chiu and Matt Evans this Saturday daw was shot in St. Matthew College, our dear alma matter nung highschool pa kami. haha. cool. sumisikat na school ah. hmmm. dati napapanuod ko lang sa MTV tas ngayon nasa ABSCBN na?! naks. kelan ba maeextra mga alumni jan. haha. anyways september na, wala bang alumni homecoming?! haha i think the last time was nung 25th anniv wala atang nagpunta sa batch namin. nyaha.

*i met new peep last week. haha. coolness.

*whatelse? ah oo nga pala nagpunta ko nung sat sa bagong bagong sm marikina. ang ganda no?!haha (hehe yung pinapasukan kong firm dati gumawa niyan with international partners na arki firm din). nag enjoy ako sa view sa labas. haha. siyempre ni try ko rin manuod ng movie with my cuz. yung "for the first time". haha. ang ganda ng greece. nakakatwa si candy. si richard at kc, ok lang. haha. yung story? ok lang din. haha. mas natuwa ako sa very special ni love. nyaha. korni ko no. haha. siyempre dapat tinatangkilik din mga tagalaog movies bukod sa foregn films. hehe.

i think that's it. ciao! ^_^

The Macau-Hong Kong Experience

2008-09-10T14:57:00.000+08:00

Nyaha i need to blog about this na kasi kapag tumagal pa i may not remember some details. haha. kahit wala ako sa mood magsulat at hindi pa tapos mag edit ng pics i think it will do na hehe.

ok, so how will i start?! by date na lang siguro. since it was my first travel abroad siguro this is one of my most memorable trip. sa dami dami na ng napuntahan ko sa luzon nung bata ko, dito ko lang din naranasan ang mga first times like riding air plane, bus, train and ferry in just a day. haha. it was a great experience even more kung kasama ko mga friends ko or family. although i'm thankful i had spent kahit few hours lang with my aunts there in hong kong.

first day (august 29, 2008)

1pm from diosdado macapagal international airport we fly to macau airport. ayos naman since na cancel nga a week before yung flight mejo nakapag practice na hahaha! i mean at least i have some ideas na on the whereabouts.

around 3pm we landed in macau then mga 4pm we go straight at the venetian care of free bus ride from the airport to the hotel. we had a short merienda at the venetian food court, noodle soup na may dumplings ata yun. in fairness super anghang ng chili sauce nila compared sa chili sa chowking haha, pero masarap. authentic chinese noodle ang lasa.

by 5pm we go staright to the ferry terminal of cotai jet macau where we sail to hongkong. we're going to pass another country again so the passports are checked again. the by 7pm we're in hongkong. had to take a train (kung sa atin merong mrt sa kanila it's called mtr, i think it' s like metro transit railway, ops guess lang yown haha what's your guess?! haha)

around 8pm we arrived in tsim sha tsui station from admiral station ata yun. then we walked along the streets until we get to the royal pacific hotel where we checked in. then we went outside for dinner near the hotel. it's a chinese restaurant along canton road, if i remember it right its called the royal feast (in english). i ordered asado with rice. the last rice i ate on the four day tour since the following days are full of mcdonalds' and kfc.

after dinner we walk the streets of nearby places til midnight. tell you i'm walking on one leg that night because the other had cramps. fudgeeeit. haha. but we had wonderful view of the business district of hongkong. have you watched the dark knight? that's exactly the buildings we've seen. hehe. then after a long walk and photoshoots we went back to the hotel, clean up, took a bath and had a good night sleep. bagsak na bagsak na katawan ko nito. haha.

second day (august 30, 2008)

break fast at kfc around 9pm. then by 10pm the boys together with our boss travel to ocean park via the mts and bus. yep i had a chance to sit on the top half of the double deck bus. haha. the girls went by themselves to shop. they told us the ocean park is better than the hongkong disneyland?! hmmm. so there at the park we walk around, see the giant aquariums and rode the cable car along the mountains and sea side. we had lunch at mcdo, grabe naman yung bigmac, mukang regular pa lang nila yun, wala sa kanila yung regular meals sa pinas na maliliit na burger, parang it start with the cheeseburger na plus size tas palaki na ng palaki at wala silang rice meals kaya yun , hehe) i also enjoyed the roller coaster and the abyss (free fall - grabe to, di ka makakasigaw sa kaba, haha super fun). then after that mga 3pm we went sa hotel dahil sobrang init talaga. pero siyempre another byahe nanaman, bus tas mtr.

we rested for a few hours sa room, natulog yung iba, ako nag ayos ng gamit, haha at nanuod ng chinese shows haha joke. after dinner around 8pm na siguro yun, nagpapalit na kami ng us dollars to hk dollars. ewan ko pero parang mas sure kasi kapag us ung dala namin kesa peso although meron namanag nagpapalit ng peso to hk dollars.

then we walk staright to the nioght market, i forgot the name of the street, but we certainly pass by nathan road where commercial strips can also be found. well actually kahit saang sulok ka naman tumingin it's either boutiques or restaurant lang naman. so there, yung panahaon parang pinas din ang init sobra. although sabi nila malapit na daw mag winter dun at end of summer na nung andun kami. after a long walk (enjoy naman maglakad eh, pero pwede ka mag cab if you want) nrating na din namin ang night market. Andaming tourists, some eating on the side, chinese foods tas yung iba grilled, and marami ring nag seserve ng beers. parang malate streets siya na nilagayan mo ng tiangge sa gitna haha. ^_^. ayun sobrang sarap mamaili kahit puro pasalubong sa family nabili ko. haha. ayos lang pero nakakapanghinayang kasi andami pang magaganda at mura. hehe. ayon, bring your phone or mini calcu para matantsa niyo kung worth it yung bibilhin niyo haha. pwede ring tumawad. i bought a bag for my sisiter originall 250 dollars eh feeling ko super mahal kaya umalis ako, tas tinawag ako sabi niya 150 na lang daw, eh tumawad ako ng 120, sabi nung chinese 135 tas nag last price ako ng 125, hehe cool. sana pinaabot ko pa ng 100. haha. but it was a nice experience although some chinese vendors eh masusungit. haha.asar.

pagbalik sa hotel i mga midnight na ulit, i called my aunt who's working there kasi imi meet ko sila tas yun natulog na ko.

day 3 (august 31, 2008)

i meet up with my aunts sa lobby ng hotel namin. nagpaalam muna ko siyempre sa boss na kung pwede magspend ng time sa kanila. since free time naman tong araw na to, pinayagan ako. hehe. but i had to be back by 1pm kasi babalik na kami ng macau. ayun i had breakfast and lunch with my aunties. Auntie Mila, Odet and Nenet make me libot around the harbour city since limited nga yung time kaya kelangan magmadali at dun lang din malapit sa hotel kami naggala. Bumili rin ng additional pasalubong. hehe. ansaya lang kasi minsan lang na may makadalaw sa kanila dun, sayang di na ko nakapunta sa apartment nila with some filipino friends and relatives eh di sana marami pa sanang kwentuhan at lagay haha joke.

by afternoon we went back to macau via the cotai jet again, then bus to the venetian tas libot libot lang sa loob. yung iba nagshopping. after namin magcheck-in sa bonggang bonggang room, kumain sa eat all you can buffet style restaurant called "the bambu" . sooover naman tong experience na to. di ko lang na enjoy yung sea foods aksi baka umariba allergies ko. kaya naman nagpakalunod ako sa desserts. oh fudgeness, favorite ko na yung blueberry cheesecake nila. ansarap. heaven, haha. pati yung starwberry ice cream na may fresh starwberries at mongo ice cream na may sweet bits ng mongo. whoooh. saya. haha. tinikman ko rin yung portuguese egg tar na specialty daw sa macau, masarap din hehe. aftre nun naggala sa mga high end stores inside the hotel tas bumalik lang ako sa room para magpahinga saglit tas bumaba ako sa casino (i know macau is known for its world calss casino hotels) to play pero hindi yung mga big games, haha i just tried the slot machine na sa sobrang pagka aliw eh natalo na pala ako ng 60 dollars so i stopped na, iniwan ko na yung mga kasama ko sa baba na naglalaro ng mga card games, haha. nanalo ata sila eh. haha. congrats naman dun. haha. ^_^. ayun since wala pa yung iba namin kasama sa room i watched tv na muna, since there are twobig tvs in a room they are also watching on the other side ng ibang show. palipat lipat ako sa ugly betty, discovery at mtv. pero naisip ang gulo haha kaya nagsettle ako sa live concert ng coldplay. hehe. idol. hehe.

last day (september 01, 2008)

we had breakfast at mcdo, tas diretso na sa grand canal for the gondola ride.inside the venetian pa rin to. if you've watched "dangerous beauty" which is shot in venice, it was just like that. the gondola is the boat which carries 4 person max tas may sailorman basta yung taga sagwan. haha. yung nasakyan namin girl yung nagsasagwan. hehe. tas they sing classic italian songs to really feel the venetian atmosphere. ang gagaling kapag nagkasalubong yung girl at boy they sing in duet. coolness. meron pa ngang pinoy na ganun. well actually there's a lot of pinoy sa macau kahit sa casino matatawa ka na lang kasi they speak tagalog na lang bigla. haha. ayun after the gondola ride yung iba naggala pa ulit kaya naman medyo na late kami ng bus ride papuntang airport di na kami nakapag lunch. but anyways ayos lang kasi halos heavy breakfast naman yung nakain namin and nakahabol kami sa flight. so yun mga more than an hour and a half yung pabalik ng pilipinas. mga 4pm na ata kami nakababa ng clark. tas lunch/dinner sa junjun's na may masarap na bbbq at sisis hay kakamiss magkanin kaya naman tinodo ko na ang rice. hehe. yummers. by 8:30 na ko nakabalik ng house kasi naman yung mga taxi sa cubao nangongontrata. darn. buti may mabait na manong taxi driver after ilang mahaba habang antay. hehe.

the whole experience was really fun. a lot of firsts and defenitely memorable ones. sana maulit pa to. hehe. and hopefully kasama ko na family ko. i really want to travel with them. hay kelangan pa magbanat ng buto ng sobra sobra. pero siyempre had to enjoy life also. para naman balance di ba?! and of course a lot of prayers and faith. hehe. til my next blog.... ^_^

more pics on the photos section. haha. tinamad na kasi ako mag edit. pero worth looking -- the food, the room interior, the venetian shops and gondola ride. ^__^

Raymund M. on Eheads One Night Only Concert

2008-08-26T13:07:00.000+08:00

(reposted from kuya rigor's site)

From Raymund Marasigan (Sandwich Mailing List)

From: raymund marasigan
To: subsandwich@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Sunday, August 24, 2008 8:37:03 PM
Subject: [subsandwich] eraserheads aug 30 08 confirmed

dear everybody

after much ado. the eraserheads concert is most definitely pushing
through.

philip morris and its brands have pulled out from the concert. but
another company is taking over the production. the turn over started
yesterday and they have already started work on the site in the fort.
so you can check.

there are good news and bad news.

unfortunately its no longer free. all the long winded registration
procedures in the red nation site is now void.

the good news is that the age limit is now 12 years old (for safety
reasons)and tickets will be sold so you don't have to wait for
confirmation and what not.

the official announcement and ticketing details will come out in major
newspapers and on the radio on Tuesday.

these are the only details i know for now so no need to email me. im
just the drummer.

btw. i just got home from the last rehearsal. the band is cooking. we
will see you all on the 30th.

but we're supposed to be...=( ??!

2008-08-24T16:24:00.000+08:00

Thursday: I was exhausted and kind of feeling sick because I was helping my cousin for his project and had to finish things up in the office which I enjoyed but still had to learn a lot from it.

Friday: I was sick so I decided to call up the office told them I can't make it by morning but still I went there by afternoon and finished my deadline. It turned out well so after work I met my cousin at RP metroeast to buy some stuffs for my trip the next day (saturday). I went home late still feeling sick, headache, and sometimes getting dizzy.

Saturday: I woke up kind of feeling heavy but it didn't get in me cause the excitement of flying abroad is also in me although I didn't feel i'm going out on a vacation, haha (hmmm there must be something?!). I was packing my bag, it was getting late, my aunties' told me I'm moving slow and all. So after the bag was all set I hurried up to get a cab with my cousin and had a fast stop at my Nanay's small store to just bid goodbye. Then had the second stop at the hospital where my cousin was making her duty. And then off to the office. We all meet there and then we headed off to Clark where we'll be having our flight. When we were all in the plane and was about to fly, the pilot announced that there's a problem on our way to Macau. There's a supertyphoon that hits Hong Kong and that we can't pass by safely. So they delayed it for two hours, after waiting they decided to cancel the flight because of the continuing bad weather.

Yes it feels sad but at the same time we know we'll not enjoy the trip if the weather isn't fair right?! so it's just Ok. Although all the preparations, reservations and stuffs regarding the trip turned out to this was a bit disappointing, I mean for the effort itself and then suddenly it's moved. Anyways we're assured that it will still push through although there's no exact date yet.

After all this, we're very thankful for our boss that he still treat us to a drink and dinner inside Fontana Leisure Park (http://www.fontanaleisureparks.com/) at Clark Pampanga. It was a very cool place that has Casino, Resort, Hotel and other recreational areas inside. The restaurant that we got in has a very nice architecture and grand interior (some shots I took can be seen on my photos section here, wish i had took more pics, too bad). Plus the sumptuous seafood platters that was served was so far my finest seafood meal ever. What more can I ask for?! we had big crabs, shrimps (thank God my allergies didn't get me), lapulapu, mixed rice, vegetables... indeed our being upset plus the food equals glorious eating. haha.

After the dinner, we headed back at the office waited for some baggage and then went home. I arrived at the house, they didn't know the flight was cancelled, it was funny how my sister reacted. Hahaha, I thought my cousin which I texted told them but it turned out they didn't know anything. Nanay still told me that before they go to dinner they talked about me maybe enjoying myself at Macau. haha. But again that's not what happened. It just will, haha.

:: A while ago I was watching the series "how i met your mother" which i thought was funny. hehe. The episode I had watched was about Ted (an architect in this hit tv series) which missed a flight from New York to Chicago for his dream job. He was offered to be a project manager (youngest as he told) at one of the biggest architectural firm in Chicago but because of the misfortunes he experienced before his interview he didn't get the flight and so miss the chance for his dream job. At the end of the episode he speaks of "destiny". That maybe the job was really not for him and that if he didin't stay in New York maybe he had not met the girl he will marry (which is what the series is all about, on how ted met his wife).::

Time To Grow

2008-08-11T13:22:00.000+08:00

For the last few months Im riding this emotional roller coaster thing. It's just too much. One day I'm happy the next day I feel bad. It's not right and it doesn't feel good. The every week of unhealthy diet and too much drinking just brought temporary escapes. Yes it feels good, and yes its cool but how far am I willing to go? How bad does it gonna get?

Stepping out of the circle my life used to revolve into is one of the hardest thing I've ever done. Missing out on the people I love because I simply feel the need to stay away. It is not that I want to but it is because certain things are coming, expected or not, and it makes people and circumstances change and so I feel that the best way to keep myself from hurting me and others is to leave.

In those times that I'm out of the circle, there are people who came, some simply pass by. Some creates impact and some comes from the past then leave again. there are those you want to stay but needs to go and there were those that never say goodbye and leave you hanging. I just don't understand why people you value can't give back as much as you deserve and suddenly leave you. Or maybe I should not be expecting anything from anyone in all ways.Although I am not the type who needs to please people just for them to like me and accept me, I still feel the need to be somewhat appreciated - all humans do. I love loving people in as much as I hate hating them.

After all these struggles there came to a point where I really don't know where to go. Then I find myself in the church. Knelt down and crying.That's the moment I hear something my heart want to say in itself.Let go, move on and grow. That's when I feel God embracing.

"Time to grow". This is the line I'm holding on for a week now. Last week, I told a friend that one of my weakness is letting go. And maybe that's the very reason I do not feel the contentment and happiness. Letting go of my fears and some of the people I love (yes there's this gift of goodbye we need to practice sometimes and it feels good after), surrendering what I have and moving on to start anew.

I know it will be hard. But I believe it will all be worth it in the end. I'll start growing by learning to let go of everything. The pain and the doubts all surrendered to the One up there. And whatever happens, good or bad, for sure He wants me to learn something. I'll learn to let go yet never stop loving for I now it's the only way God wants me to grow. ^_^

Time to grow (Remix) - Lemar

Congrats June2008 Archi Board passers!!!

2008-07-22T08:28:00.000+08:00

blow out!!! haha. congrats. kinakabahan na kami for next year. haha. paturo. haha. ^_^ God bless!!!

here's the link for the results --> http://philippineboardexamresults.blogspot.com/2008/06/prc-june-2008-architecture-architects.html

Eraserheads One Night Only!

2008-07-21T12:22:00.000+08:00

With a smile - Eraserheads

i hear this over the radio i think a week ago and now it's all ove rthe news. yeba eraserheads are going to have their one night only concert. coolness. i hope i could watch. this band is the first casette tape that i have which was given to me during highschool. and the first concert i attended when i was ten years old. yup i rock at an early age. haha. and who better love first than the best. exciting!

here's the news from PEP: http://www.pep.ph/news/18295/Eraserheads-to-reunite-for-one-night-only and http://www.gmanews.tv/story/106775/Eraserheads-to-reunite-for-one-night-only-in-Aug

Eraserheads to reunite for one night only in Aug
07/14/2008 | 12:08 PM

After weeks of speculation, it was finally confirmed that the legendary OPM rock band the Eraserheads will reunite for a one-night concert to be held at the CCP Open Grounds on August 30, 2008.

The band, composed of Ely Buendia, Buddy Zabala, Marcus Adoro, and Raimund Marasigan, were highly responsible for the resurgence of Pinoy rock music in the '90s. Armed with catchy hooks, street-smart lyrics, and uncanny pop sensibilities, the Eraserheads rose to critical and commercial prominence and was dubbed as the country's own version of The Beatles—a tag the quartet simultaneously scoffed and cherished during their phenomenal reign.

Strained relationship among the band members unfortunately led the group to disband following frontman Ely Buendia's departure in 2002. Ely's resignation was relayed through his bandmates only through a text message citing the words, "It's graduation time."

LONG AND WINDING ROAD. Years after the band called it quits, the Eraserheads legacy grew exponentially with various tributes and accolades being accorded to the group through various art and pop culture media. At the same time, fans clamor for the band members to reunite grew steadily particularly after Ely survived a heart attack early last year.

Still, and despite all the noise created by old and new fans, the reality of a reunion was still remote. Even Buendia's near brush with mortality seem to do nothing to soften the singer-songwriter's firm resolve.

Some clues, however, seem to suggest that a reunion may finally happen earlier than expected. Last year, July 26, a special event dubbed as Eraser X was held at Saguijo Café in Makati featuring Raimund Marasigan and Buddy Zabala complemented by fellow musician friends playing an all Eraserheads set list.

A few months earlier, Raimund and Buddy together with former guitarist Marcus Adoro graced the book launching of Tikman ang Langit: An Anthology on the Eraserheads at Powerbooks in Greenbelt, Makati City. Ely opted to skip both events citing prior commitments as the culprit for his absences. Many, of course, believed that the enigmatic frontman was simply making an excuse so as not to offend the fans who were anxiously hoping for a reunion through any means possible.

Interestingly, Marcus, backed up by a band he wittingly named Markus Highway came out with an album under Warner Music Philippines. In an interview with PEP (Philippine Entertainment Portal) months before the launching of his new record, Marcus shared his desire to play or at least tour with his former bandmates' new bands. He also said that his relationship with the three ex-members was okay and amicable.

But still, the big difference remains to be Ely Buendia. As evasive as he is when it comes to answering nagging questions about his glorious past as the main creative force of the "most influential" OPM band of all time, many observers took note that Buendia's current band, Pupil, was incorporating Eraserheads songs quite more frequently this year as compared to last year. There was even this rumor saying that Ely conducted a "secret gig" somewhere where he did a straight-out all Eraserheads number. The rumor was neither conformed nor denied by Ely's camp.

FORMING THE PUZZLE. For some time, cyberspace was inundated with news of an Eraserheads reunion. Recently, a blog site gradually showed sketchy little clues until it finally led to an inverted capital "E" image with the script "83008" written under the image. The figures, as it turned out, means August 30, 2008—the official date of the Eraserheads reunion concert after six years of not playing music together.

According to the reports, the four were swayed to once again play together after a "big company" tendered a huge offer. "Each member is said to be receiving a rather large sum—with estimates ranging from P2.5 million to P10 million apiece—in order to pull together for a 45 minute set," wrote music insider Jim Ayson at PhilMusic.com.

During the launching of Pedicab's second record at the Cubao Expo on July 11, words were flying that the company sponsoring the historic event is a "telecommunications" company. However, it was later revealed that a tobacco company—"quite possibly Marlboro," wrote Jim—was the brain behind the concert.

NOT REUNITING FOR GOOD. In a telephone interview with someone from Ely's camp, a source did mention that huge money was indeed involved though she downplayed the amount given by some of PEP's initial sources.

According to our source, the band, Ely in particular, relented because of the undying clamor pressed by the fans and not largely because of the money.

"Maybe it's a good way to finally close the chapter," our source, who requested anonymity, shared.

"The call for a reunion concert has been going on for a long time ever since they [Eraserheads] disbanded. Somehow this is bound to happen; it's just a matter kung kailan and who's going to sponsor. This is for all the fans and to celebrate na din the E-heads legacy. It'll be exciting and we're hoping that everybody would have a great time during the concert. Mas maganda nga sana kung nandoon lahat ng involved sa history ng band like the former managers."

Our source though stressed that the band won't re-form and that the concert is strictly a one day affair. Asked about the band members current relationship, she said that it is still the same although, "We'll see as this thing go along. I'm not really sure about Ely's feelings at this point. But his relationship with the two [Buddy and Marcus] was okay naman even before the reunion talks."

Again, we excitedly asked the possibility of the band reuniting for good. Perhaps the concert may finally lead the members to iron out their differences for good after seeing the amount of love and adulation they still enjoy from fans and fellow artists.

Pausing a little, our source heaved a sigh before saying, "I don't know. Honestly, I don't think that hugs and kisses would be exchanged during and after the concert. But still, who knows... at this point everything is still pretty much up in the air." - Philippine Entertainment Portal

Cooleet

2008-07-20T18:04:00.000+08:00

nagsimula to kagabi. ang weirdo ng mga tao. haha. mas ako.

sfc baptism goes well, the speaker was great.

after that uwi sa house, set up ng bulok na computer, erase ng mga lumang files

tas may dumating na bisita ni pinsan

tas nanuod sila ng dvd sa kwarto tas nagyaya magjhooooos haha

tas lumabas para bumili. biniro pang rapist kasama ko. tae si manang andaldal. haha.

tas pasaway na.

tas may mga dumating pa. asa kwarto lahat

tas pasaway ulit

tas si pinsan anggulo. mukang gago lang haha.

alam ko lahat ng andun may dahilan kung bakit andun malamang haha labo

tas hinatid ko yung isa

tas sumunod yung isa

tas tinakot ako nung pabalik (sige ikaw maglakad ng madaling araw sa kakahuyan haha)

tas nakahiga na kami

tas bumalik yung isa may kasama pang isa

tas pinauwi na namin kasi di na kaya haha

bakit kasi ambilis. haha

tas umaga na. uwian na.

malamang kwarto ko yun kaya natulog pa ko kunwari pag alis nung huli. haha

tas wlang katapusang kwentuhan. ay natapos pala bago mag alas dose

kasi magsisimba kami ni pinsan. baka sakaling mabawasan

tas dami nakita sa simbahan

haha. dami nakakwentuhan. kfc,yfc,sfc,barkada,old friends.

tas mcflurry pantanggal ng bakas ng nakaraan haha

tas punta house ng kaibigan

tas kami kami nanaman

tas nuod tv, kain canton (haha gutom na wala pa palang nagla lunch eh alas dos pasado na, haha)

tas may nagbigay saken ng letter (salamat dun sa nagbigay sobrang natutuwa ako pag may nagbibigay saken ng mga ganun haha ambabaw ko haha)

tas umuwi nako kasi najejebs na ko (wahahaha) at sobrang inaantok

tas nahiga pero di ako makatulog

may mga nangati kasing sugat ng nakaraan wahaha nangati lang ayoko masiyadong kamutin

bka matuklap, masugat ulit, mas hindi ako makakatulog.

tas yung sugat pa di ko makita

kasi yung sugat masiyadong malalim di ko rin mahawakan

kasi yung sugat nararamdamn ko lang. kumirot lang saglit.

haha eh ice cream lang naman katapat niyan eh

oh kaya mahiwagang jhhooooose

haha. di ba dapat mabuti na ulit ako. bilang tao. haha. sabi ni father saken nung nasa edsa shrine ako: "you're human... we do mistakes... you're tempted maybe by some media or other things. how old are you again?" .... aba at talagang sinabi ko kay father "do you understand tagalog father? nahihirapan kasi ako mag english." haha. naramdaman kong ngumiti siya dun hahahahaha.

at yun na nga kahit di ako ganun kaseryoso sa buhay, tingin niyo lang yun haha, bitin no, di ko rin alam idudugtong eh. haha.

at yun na nga dahil hindi ako makatulog eto ako ngayon nilalabas lang lahat haha

para gumaan, para lang yang utot eh pag pinigilan mo mas babaho kaya ilabas na agad, yung bigay todo yung sobrang lakas. haha.

fiesta sa sabado. haha. mag inagat sa lalaking may balbas. ako ba yun?! haha. bavoo.

My Monday Heart

2008-06-30T08:37:00.000+08:00

The morning seems the usual but not myself. I am kind of feeling the hang over from last night's emotional outbreak. It is not too much, but there is certainly something that broke.

It was already late as I got up. Rushing myself for breakfast and preparations etceteras.
My sister who stayed with me weekdays with her kids had quickly put my meal at my lunchbox, which i enjoyed, 'cause ever since who knows when i never experienced that much thought.

I knew I am going to be late. But I tried to stay as cool as possible to protect myself from sweating too much, which is not good if I will enter the office on monday looking exhausted.

Heavy traffic. As usual, it is monday madness. As the vehicle towards the train station slowly move forward I still feel very sleepy, so I closed my eyes wishing it will make me relax a little, but my thoughts and my heart is as loud as a car horning behind the vehicle i'm riding, and it's irritating.

I ran towards the platform as soon as I pass the turnstile of Katipunan station hoping to make the earliest possible time to reach the office. But as I get there it seems like the train has just passed so I have to wait for another few minutes.

Waiting, in any sense, is as natural for me as breathing.

As i waited i was thinking of last night's happening. Thank God for a friend who has accompanied me the late sunday afternoon to hear mass and spend the night for a talk on how everything's going. I didn't share much cause i know she already felt how i was feeling and it will make her bore to death if I still talk about it. It was usual of me talking to her that topic again and again and again that I don't have to bring it up because even before i speak, she knows what I am thinking. But instead of resolving what seem to be an issue I decided
to lighten up the topic and bring the spotlight to a much happier talk. That moment i chose happiness. But not til i went home.

Everyone asleep as I lie at my bed. I can't get over the ache, it is more than my want to be happy, or at least just my need to sleep. I prayed. I cried. I imagined I am sleeping.

Then i'm on the platfrom again, i realized my mind just flew in somewhere.
and i turned to see who's on my side.Tthere she was. What seemed to be a dream suddenly
came here with me. I recognize her, I saw her twice and remember even share a trip once going at the very station we're in. This is the fourth time I've seen her and get this close. Suddenly this stranger mean something to me. I glanced at her but she don't seem to care, she look straight to where the train will be coming out. And as soon as the train arrives I followed her as she pass the door, but in a moment she's gone, covered with the crowd.
I tried to look behind as i went out the train hoping to have a glimpse of her pretty face.
For a while my heart whisper something it never say before. I heard the smoother voice of my heart rather than the loud aching it cries the night before.

The struggles seem to take it rest for that moment or just as i thought, a new will arise.

I am a Spontaneous Idealist

2008-06-27T12:31:00.000+08:00

http://www.ipersonic.com/type/SI.html" target="blank" title ="My personality type: the spontaneous idealist. Take the free iPersonic personality test!">http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk161/ipersonic/SI.png" border="0" alt="My personality type: the spontaneous idealist. Take the free iPersonic personality test!" />http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/CIMP/bT*xJmx*PTEyMTQ1NTU*MjAwNzgmcHQ9MTIxNDU1NTg4NzYwOSZwPTQ2NjIxJmQ9Jm49bXVsdGlwbHkmZz*x.jpg" />

Spontaneous Idealist (SI)

Spontaneous Idealists are creative, lively and open-minded persons. They are humorous and dispose of a contagious zest for life. Their enthusiasm and sparkling energy inspires others and sweeps them along. They enjoy being together with other people and often have an uncanny intuition for their motivations and potential. Spontaneous Idealists are masters of communication and very amusing and gifted entertainers. Fun and variety are guaranteed when they are around. However, they are sometimes somewhat too impulsive in dealing with others and can hurt people without really meaning to do so, due to their direct and sometimes critical nature.

This personality type is a keen and alert observer; they miss nothing which is going on around them. In extreme cases, they tend to be oversensitive and exaggeratedly alert and are inwardly always ready to jump. Life for them is an exciting drama full of emotionality. However, they quickly become bored when things repeat themselves and too much detailed work and care is required. Their creativity, their imaginativeness and their originality become most noticeable when developing new projects and ideas - they then leave the meticulous implementation of the whole to others. On the whole, Spontaneous Idealists attach great value to their inner and outward independence and do not like accepting a subordinate role. They therefore have problems with hierarchies and authorities.

If you have a Spontaneous Idealist as your friend, you will never be bored; with them, you can enjoy life to the full and celebrate the best parties. At the same time, they are warm, sensitive, attentive and always willing to help. If Spontaneous Idealists have just fallen in love, the sky is full of violins and their new partners are showered with attention and affection. This type then bubbles over with charm, tenderness and imagination. But, unfortunately, it soon becomes boring for them once the novelty has worn off. Boring everyday life in a partnership is not for them so that many Spontaneous Idealists slip from one affair into another. However, should the partner manage to keep their curiosity alive and not let routine and familiarity gain the upper hand, Spontaneous Idealists can be inspiring and loving partners.

the twenty minute nothingness.

2008-06-26T08:43:00.000+08:00

Got this from Jaja. Lunchbreak. What better things to do but relax. Pasagot ah. hehe.

1) ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? - on my right hand, npaso sa kawali ng fishball habang tumutusok ako. haha. pasensiya bata. maliit pa ko nun. haha.

2) WHAT IS ON THE WALLS OF YOUR ROOM? -chalk grafitti since walang paint yung room i did my own. pero mabubura na siya dahil sa moist ng ulan nitong nakaraang araw. haha.

3) WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? - I enjoy altrernative and rnb.

4) DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? - according to my nanay it's tanghali so I guess around 2pm.

5) WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? - someone ^_^

6) WHAT/WHO DO YOU MISS? - highschool

7) WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION? - the cross (which i'm wearing today) my mom gave, nothing expensive but it means a lot.

8) DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC? - Nope

9) DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK? - Not really, I mean it depends if the place is really creepy, ops how would I know its dark? stupid. haha.

10) THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY. - loneliness. ops emo. tae. haha.

11) WHAT’S YOUR WORST FEAR? - I am living my fear but hope had the courage to turn it all 180.

12) WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING/BEING PROPOSED AT? - somewhere serene

13) COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK? -Coffee

14) FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?- everything!!!! i love pizza!!!!

15) IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? - since i've thought of pizze, well yeah, stuffed pizza at sbarro.

16) FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME? - white, is it a color?!

17) WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU’VE RECEIVED? - ref cake (crema de fruta) by ghie and abby. it's the first and last time i've ever received such labor of love haha.

18) FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? - f&h

19) WHO IS THE HOTTEST FEMALE/MALE CELEBRITY? - anne curtis.

20) DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW? - nah.

21) WHAT KIND IS IT? -

22) WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? - ergh. i don't wanna fall for someone who leaves

23) HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA? -nah

24) YOUR WEAKNESS? - hotness. haha. yeah a different type of. haha.

25) MET ANYONE FAMOUS? -Yeah, in our field.

26) FIRST JOB? - architectural assistant at jsla

27) EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? - i knew someone, i'm at her side while doing this. haha.

28) DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOULMATE? -i dopn't know. if you believe, maybe.

29) WHAT DID YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT THE MOST? - style?! and my graphics.

30) HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? - maybe next year hopefully

31) WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? - laptop maybe.

32) WHAT’S YOUR ALL TIME FAVORITE MOVIE? - Wicker Park

33) WHO’S YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? - Paulo Coelho and Bob Ong

34) WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? -Yeah. the mighty Julius Ceasar. haha.

35) WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE? - clear

36) ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON? - no.

37) HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? - music and art

38) WHAT’S YOUR MAIN GOAL IN LIFE? - Touch lives. ^__^

39) WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? - computer, yes i'm a ms paint addict ever since grade 5. i mean all the boys are playing outside while i am inside our house drawing buildings and sketching animes. autistic. haha.

40) DO YOU USE SARCASM? - sometimes.hahahaha

41) WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW OF ALL TIME? - friends

42) DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES? - yes

43) WHERE WOULD YOU GO IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE? -europe really.

44) WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU HAD ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD? - shop and travel and donate. see i'm good. haha.

45) HAVE YOU EVER DREAMED OF BECOMING A MOVIE STAR? -during highschool. haha.

46) HAVE YOU EVER FELT SUICIDAL? - During my younger years since i'm kinda autistic i actually could have but i'm too wise to say no. haha.

47) THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX - smile (the face, eyes , lips...everythings there.. i think...haha)

48) FAVORITE THING TO HATE - nuclear weapons!!!

49) FAVORITE WORD - love

50) DO YOU A HAVE A TATTOO? -nah

51) HAVE YOU EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING? - na ah.

52) IF YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOURSELF? - yep

53) WHAT’S YOUR BIGGEST FRUSTRATION? - to be a musician. haha. seryoso ko dito. haha.

54) HAVE YOU EVER REALLY AND TRULY HAD A BESTFRIEND? -how'd you say someone's your bestfriend?

55) REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT? - not applicable.

56) KISSES OR HUGS? -Hugs!

57) RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? -Relationship

58) DO YOU HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM OR HIGH SELF-ESTEEM? -low i guess. have to work it out though.

59) WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? -The Bible (a must) and Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

60) DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE - zero.

Worship Night

2008-05-27T15:56:00.000+08:00

June 26, 2008 (Monday) was the much awaited Hillsong United Praise and Worship Night. And so it was yesterday that almost every youth (and feeling youth?! hehe) who are eager to worship and shout praises to God has attended the said event. The Araneta Coliseum was filled with hearts and hands reaching out to glorify and sing to Him. We're lucky that we had bought the ticket a month earlier so we had a very good seat and not wait for the long lines outside. Before the event I was at work and had to finish a model needed that very night. I know I will not be able to finish the models in time because I'm still learning the program/software used for this production but I just prayed that whatever happens there's a purpose. And so it was 6pm, I should be out but I'm not finished yet, the concert was once in a lifetime but still the work is very important to me. It was my first overtime in the office (if not scheduled same as with the event) and yet I feel like I will disappoint them if I just walk out the office not finishing the job. So I prayed, my cousin is waiting for me at the entrance while I'm still figuring out how to put light on my model. Haha. So i ask for help and thank God my officemate understood me. The model was almost done when I left the office. I texted my boss that I had an event to attend to and so before the worship started I was there. Praise God for that. I was on my out the office when my friend texted (through a common friend's phone) that he lost his phone before the worship.

And so as I met up with my cousin, we had a quick dinner at a nearby fastfood. The start was really great. They started with the song The Time Has Come followed by numerous worship songs and at the middle part we had prayers for healing. Then another set of heartfelt songs for Jesus. The night would not be complete, of course, without singing One Way. Cool. This is really one of my greatest worship ever. I almost had tears when we sung a slow song (I forgot the title) but here's a line: "what could i say, or what would i do but offer this heart, oh Lord, completely to you..." . I also saw some familiar faces on the screen and knew friends (UST, YFC and YOF) just around the coliseum. Was Donita Rose and Rica Peralejo also there? But anyways, the thing is I have sung my heart out, I have shouted my love fo Him. And it's like unloading heavy burdens after.

After the worship we were about to look for cds and souvenirs and so amidst the crowded hall we find our way to the souvenir booth. Just then I realized my phone was lost. I was texting while approaching the booth then suddenly after looking around for the cds and about to text somebody I can't find it on my hand or even my pocket. I don't know what happened but the whole thing of losing my phone was so fast. Coincidence that my friend lost his phone before the worship and me after the worship? I don't know, But whoever that group ( I believe their taking advantage of the large crowd) pick pocketing, may His will be done for them. And for us, may it be a learning experience and just think that it might mean something. Something that's maybe much worthy than the cellphone.

Whattup?!

2008-05-05T08:45:00.000+08:00

It has been fun days since the month of May started. Before the first of May I had seen the Hillsong United in Manila TV ad at Farmers while I'm on my way to Gateway for a ride back home. The initial reaction upon seeing it was I feel so excited and happy. Because I love their music and it's always fun to sing praises to the Lord. Ayt?! Thus it made me research to the net on where I could buy tickets, so I have found this site on multiply (unitedmanila08) and contacted the person on our area. And yes last May 2 (we have day-off this day since we worked the day before) I had met with the seller at Starbucks Marquinton and got myself and my cousin a ticket at a pretty well seat. Yeba!

Saturday and Sunday was kinda fun but I feel so ulila. haha. My Nanay went to Tagaytay for a conference while my Tatay went to Pangasinan for a fiesta on my father side family. Both leave the house saturday morning and came back night of sunday. So while on my own, I decided to go malling at Megamall because it's sale. haha. And sunday I hear mass with my sister and my pamangkin.

TV updates: I've got my fave three on top four of american idol. Cool. I am also starting to like the series Brothers&Sisters and Gossip Girl Whattup with that?! xoxo. Last few years kasi I haven't watched much since thesis days and my first work. haha.

+miss ko na pasteur+

+miss ko na YFC SOLA+

+miss ko na UST Arki pipz+

haha andami.

i'm tagged by kriz

2008-04-11T08:39:00.000+08:00

Instructions:

Each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves.
Bloggers that are tagged need to write their own blog about their ten things and post these rules.
At the end of your blog, you need to choose ten people to get tagged and list their names.
Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them that they're tagged and to read your blog.

*I love God.

*I miss yfc. so much.

*I appreciate artisitc beauty. anlalim. haha

*I'm a frustrated musician. but haven't played any instrument or even had a good voice. kaya hanggang panuodnuod na lang.

*I love worship and praise. hehe.

*I'm sick while I'm blogging this and I have to make it fast cause break will be over.. in 10 minutes ..

*chocolate covered peanut butter egg is the sweetest. fave.

*I keep a journal. hmm?! hehe

*SSB. ops. what the f ... fact! oh? anu iniissip niyo.

* pizza, pasta and some stuffs (tmth) haha are my weaknesses. what?! haha

I'm tagging jackie, alvin, jaja, cerz, joco, tito val, ate bless, elij, grasha, rhowie :))

my american idol 7

2008-03-01T10:10:00.000+08:00

i'm doing this for several years now. taking a pick of every season's top twenty. and i always got at least three or two of my top five goin' the finals. cool. last year on my blog (here's the link in my last year's american idol blog---> http://emarzian.blogspot.com/2007_02_01_archive.html) i liked blake and jordin and they did it. just like with bo and carrie which really rocked the season 4. now i'm havin a hard time pickin cause i really didn't watched every episode. but anyways here's my fave this season 7:

1. ramielle malubay - proud filipina. nice. if she makes it to the top three it''ll be big for her.

2. david archuleta - crowd fave. good vocals. cool. i heard he's also part filipino. true?!

3. david cook- rockin on the stage. cool.

4. jason castro - the acoustic music is great. cool. very original.

5. brooke white - feeli good songs for her really makes me feel good. hahaha!

hope they make it to the finals! love music!

just nice

2008-02-01T18:24:00.000+08:00

ordinary friday office day. i am not just sure if i am doing my project fine but i believe it's gonne be good. hopefully. and so after a day in the office i copied some clips of some behind the scenes from our boss cam when a movie was shot in the office (haha secret lang to, haha satin satin lang, share ko sana movie pero mga still pics na lang para safe baka magalit direktor. hehe)

ayun after office i decide to just chill for a while at rob. i had seen miss lyle at the bookstore. nice nice. it's been highschool days since i last saw ms. lyle (our computer and accounting teacher back in highschool) .

me: hi miss lyle. remember me?

ms. lyle: yeah of course batch ni... (may sinabi ata siya na di ko narinig. medyo nasira yung radar nung babanggitin na niya yung name. haha)

me: hehe kamusta po? san na po kayo nagtuturo?

ms. lyle: dun pa rin sa matyo. teka, andun ka ba nung homecoming... (umiling ako)... hala hinahanap ka na. wanted na kayo sa school

me: (sa isip ko lang - bakit wanted? kriminal?! joke. hehe. yihee namimiss nila kami).ai ma'am sino pa pong mga teacher namin ang andun?

ms. lyle: ah si mam nieves, si mam norio

me: ah si ma'am norio po yung adviser namin nung 4th year (di ko dapat to sinabi kasi wala namang sense kung malaman niya kung sino adviser ko. haha)

ms. lyle: si sir arnibal ba naabutan mo pa?

me: ai hindi na po

ms. lyle: marudo ka di ba?

me: hindi po... marzan.. (haii naku kala ko pa naman naalala na'ko yung pala yung pinsan ko pa yung nasa isip niya. hahaha.)

at yun na nga sa mga classmates ko jan dalaw daw tayo minsan sa school. hehe. ansarap pala ng feeling kapag nasabi mo sa teacher mo na nagwowork ka na sa firm. hehe. parang gusto ko sabihin "oh yan ma'am ah, hindi kayo napahiya sa mga tinuruan niyo nung highschool. yihee. one proud teachah!" hehe. pero siyempre hindi ko sinabi yun. haha.

ayun i also saw sam, my yfc friend. may overnight ata sila. ansaya.

:: yes naman, artistahin. ang ganda ni bea. eto ang silip sa office at sa mga officemates.::

My Name's Hidden Meaning

2008-01-29T14:43:00.000+08:00

***What JULIUS CEZAR Means***

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.
You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.
You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.
You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.
A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are incredibly wise and perceptive. You have a lot of life experience.
You are a natural peacemaker, and you are especially good at helping others get along.
But keeping the peace in your own life is not easy. You see things very differently, and it's hard to get you to budge.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyournameshiddenmeaningquiz/

work and fun

2008-01-27T15:59:00.000+08:00

The start of the year is also the start of my new work at another architectural firm. I have moved to a new office last January 2. It was exciting and a bit nerve cracking at first for me because I have to start all over again, I know no one working there so it's really all new. The environment, the people.. and the boss. I remember I blogged before about the movie one more chance on what firm they shot the office scenes, oh well it was where I am working now, coincedentally (may ganito bang word o imbento lang ako? basta yun na yun. haha). Anyways, on my more than three weeks of stay, I can say I am happy and thankful that I am learning new stuff not just on architecture but on life in general as well. I have the opportunity to input my ideas and I'm trying now to communicate more often because I'm really not that of a talker and so I am trying hard, hopefully it'll all be better.

On my second week I was assigned to organize the badminton for the following week. Naglalaro akong badminton pero yung normal lang, wala akong alam na rules. haha. But you won't learn if you don't do it the first time. and so I tried, I reserved and get things done. We played the following week at Sureplay in Cubao and it is really fun. Haha I didn't know architects could be this cool. If it's work then it's real work, If it's fun, it is all out fun. nakapartner ko pa boss ko sa doubles last game. Ang kulit. Buti na lang nakakatira at palo ako kahit papaano. Yun nga lang the next day sumakit katawan ko. haha. Aging? Hindi, nabanat lang for a year na halos walang exercise.

And then yesterday (saturday), I'm with my boss' chaptermates in UAP(United Architects of the Philippines) and I joined them playing Paintball in La Mesa Ecopark. Nakakahiya because they are all architects. Some of them are familiar faces from college but of course higher batches who took the board na, I guess. It was fun...fun..and fun playing. With all the mulawin-kuno protection gears hehe. Ansaya, parang counter strike sa tunay na buhay. Ansakit nga lang cause you have to squat at times para hindi makita ng kalaban eh mejo masakit pa hita ka since nag badminton nga nung wednesday that week...Haha... Pero enjoy. natamaan nga lang ako ng bala sa ulo, ansakit, lumampas kasi sa head mask ko. hehe. Pero still masaya. sana next time magka barkada trip din kami dun with my friends at maglaro din ng paintball. i'll try to post the photos as soon as I get a copy. hehe.

Hopefully on my stay in the office, I could work much harder with more professional manners and matters to learn and have fun on what I do, may it be on work or play.

Thank God for a happier and healthier life.To God be the Glory. God Bless!

A New Year

2008-01-09T15:53:00.000+08:00

I got this on my email. What to do this year. Have a fresh start. Try something different. Worth reading:

Relax, let go, let live
By Ruby de Vera
Philippine Daily Inquirer

1 Let go. Whatever it is you’ve been harboring—hate, disappointment, bitterness—let it go. Life will be a breeze without excess baggage.

2 Don’t think too much. Life is complicated enough for us to be analyzing every little thing. Sometimes we just have to take things at face value.

3 Stale air breeds bacteria. Introduce something new to your life. It doesn’t have to be drastic; just changing your daily routine can inject a fresh breath of air.

4 Get moving. Get off that couch and box the DVD player for a bit. Exercise produces endorphins, and endorphins are behind that happy feeling.

5 Make the first move. The first decade of the new millennium is about to end, so go ahead and ask out your crush. I promise you won’t die.

6 Face your fears—whether it’s eating balut, going on a roller-coaster ride or a clown.

7 Do something unselfish. Support your local church, the Breast Cancer Movement, Greenpeace, PAWS or whatever it is your heart feels closest to.

8 Don’t judge too quickly. First impressions are almost always wrong, anyway.

9 Focus on your priorities. We live in a world of instant gratification and materialism, it’s easy to lose sight of what’s really important. Decide what it is for you, and build the rest around it.

10 Lastly, read more. Why do we think the book is almost always way better than the movie? Because it’s our own interpretation, the way our mind sees the story. Read newspapers, books, nutrition labels, fine prints, etc. Being informed is always a good thing

Step out of the box!

Be a giddy kid again, travel alone and throw theme parties this 2008

Go on more dates

One of the best ways to feel good is to go out on dates more often. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re on the hunt for someone new if you’re single, or that you have to stick like glue to your significant other if you’re attached. Go on dates just for the sake of having fun. Don’t pressure yourself into fast-forwarding a relationship.

Go beyond the usual dinner-and-movie combination and look for new things to do. Hang out at a theme park, take cooking or dancing lessons together, go ice skating or spend a weekend volunteering for a cause.

Dress up more often

Don’t wait for special occasions to wear that dress you bought ages ago at the mall. If you’re holding out for a grand event to look good, keep in mind that it might never come.

Wear dresses for strolling around a park, or surprise your date by wearing a spiffy coat even if you’re just having dinner in a quiet restaurant. Try clothes in every imaginable color—purple, orange, butter yellow, lime green, periwinkle.

Throw theme parties

Growing up and getting older doesn’t mean you have to wear skimpy dresses and stodgy polo shirts to every party you attend. Once in a while, plan a theme party with your friends.

Pretend to be rock stars for a night, hold an under-the-sea soiree, see who still fit in their high school uniforms, or recreate prom night by wearing gowns and suits with your friends.

Indulge your inner child

While a couple of hours at the spa can help you relax, hanging out at the playground with a bunch of good friends is cheaper, sillier and definitely more memorable. See who can swing the highest, can last on the monkey bars for the longest time, or whose weight will be revealed on the see-saw.

Hop on the trampoline, play patintero or dive-bomb into the pool. Once in a while, ditch the gourmet chocolates and have a snow cone or some cotton candy.

Unplug the wires

When people start communicating to you by hand gestures and smoke signals, it’s time to unplug the wires and go for good old-fashioned fun.

Bring out the board games (virtual board games on your Wii console don’t count), tell scary stories with a flashlight pointed at your face, or just lug out a mat and go stargazing with your friends. Try to resist bringing your iPod dock, and just listen to them talk without distraction. Also, remember that you don’t have to blog about everything.

Eat healthier food

No wonder nursing schools keep sprouting up everywhere. Nowadays, everyone seems to be getting sick—whether it’s cancer or cholesterol buildup, people are flocking to the hospital in droves.

On the bright side, more restaurants are starting to offer healthy dishes. Take things a step further by enrolling in a cooking class, so you don’t have to eat out everyday for delicious and healthy meals.

Unearth a talent

There’s no day but today. If you feel that you harbor a talent that’s just waiting for the right moment to manifest itself, then do everything you can to bring out that talent.

Write something and have it published, audition for a play or enroll in a painting class. Find an alter-ego to counter an otherwise dull existence.

Start a blog if you don’t have one yet (and if you do, stop filling it with quiz results and incoherent rants and write something substantial) or just grab the videoke mic more often. Who knows, you just might end up surprising yourself in the year to come.

Learn a new language

Things always get lost in translation—just ask any foreign film aficionado or literature lover. Make an effort to learn a new language. It can be something practical (like Mandarin, if you’re into business and want to capture a portion of the humongous Chinese market) or romantic (like French, which you fell in love with after watching “Amelie”).

Also, keep in mind that when you travel to other places, not everyone speaks English (and very few will appreciate it when you start mouthing English words very slowly, as if it will make things easier to understand). Learning a new language will not only help you communicate with more people, but will help you appreciate your own as well.

Travel to new places by yourself

Make it a point to visit at least one new destination every year: it could be in a different continent, another country or even just a strange province that you’d never heard of before.

While you’re at it, try traveling alone. You’ll be thrown out of your comfort zone and probably be scared out of your wits half the time, but you’ll be forced to fend for yourself and in the process, discover things you never knew about yourself and the world.

Get that shot

While you’re out making the most of your year, don’t forget to take snapshots or take short videos. But at the same time, don’t be too engrossed in documenting your party or trip—remember to enjoy it first!

At the end of the year, compile your photos (not just on Facebook or Multiply) and make a scrapbook or photo album. Insert other mementos that are relevant to the photos, like movie tickets, candy wrappers or doodles on coffee shop napkins.

Or why not create a short film or music video from the photos and clips, and show it to your family and friends at the end of the year in a film showing, complete with popcorn?

Outdoors in 2008

By Irene C. Perez
Philippine Daily Inquirer

Last updated 05:17pm (Mla time) 01/08/2008

MANILA, Philippines - OK, so you have pretty much spent a fraction of last year playing video games or stalking your crush on Friendster, Multiply, Facebook, ad infinitum. Nothing’s exactly wrong with that, but it’s high time you wean yourself off your online life and give your computer a break. Get a high from the outdoors this year and let 2bU! guide you on how to rock 2008.

Travel

Make a list of target destinations, pool your friends and family and decide where and when to go. Take advantage of tour packages and airfare promos. Hit the beach, go camping, bungee-jump! Grab a friend, make a well-mapped out itinerary and backpack in an Asian country. If you have limited time and budget, explore the secrets of the city and explore Metro Manila. There are day tours in areas as accessible as Binondo and Intramuros. Go to the zoo, visit museums, roadtrip. Do yourself a favor and get off that seedy couch.

Pick up a new skill or craft

Try out lomography, learn how to cook or bake, enroll in short IT courses, knit, compile knickknacks into scrapbooks, maintain an aquarium. Honestly, when is the last time you did something really new?

Sport a new look

Guys usually go to the same barber, so chances are they have the same haircut in their grade-school, high-school and college yearbook. You don’t exactly have to sport a mohawk or dreadlocks, just try to be a little experimental. Try mousse, wax, mud, or clay instead of that omnipresent—and oily—hair gel. For girls, pick a new hair color, give oomph to your wardrobe with trendy accessories. Mix and match, don’t be too coordinated while still being comfy.

Be more active

Let the Beijing Olympics fever catch up on you. Try diving, surfing, mixed martial arts, wushu, football or futsal. Some gyms even offer adult ballet classes and striptease for fitness. For those who are too lazy or cash-strapped to enroll in a gym, jog for, say, 20 minutes thrice a week. You can also stock up on exercise videos (they have everything from belly dancing to those involving poodles) and work out at home.

Eat healthy

Cliché, but now that you have that coveted planner, it’s time to ease up on the coffee. Try tea for a new caffeine fix and fresh fruit shakes as energy drinks. The holidays are over so you can now do away with the booze and rich, fat-laden stuff. We’re not being diet Nazis here, the keyword is moderation. You can still have that bar of chocolate or bag of chips for 2008, just not daily.

Watch gigs

Sure, your mp3 player holds a gazillion songs, but nothing beats watching a great live act. Support the local music scene, and maybe meet a cute prospect in the process.

Read

The end of the “Harry Potter” series doesn’t have to signal the end of your reading habit. And we don’t just mean blogs. Fall in love with books. Indulge in the classics, poetry, contemporary fiction, bios, graphic novels. Scour second-hand and thrift bookstores for fab finds.

Be a volunteer

We can’t stress out the importance of helping others more. Even if you’re not a haciendera, even if you can’t donate blood by the liter, even if you yourself are having a bad time in the financial department, you can still help by lending service to those in need. And there are a lot. Find the group that appeals to you most and make sure to show up in outreach activities. Sign up with nongovernment orgs like PAWS, Hands On Manila, RockEd and Greenpeace and make volunteerism a byword.

Stop cramming

When it comes to chores, thesis, assignments, work, party planning, swimsuit shopping, practice the mantra, “The earlier, the better.” Trust us, you can make the most out of 2008 if you do things way before the deadline.

Save up

Set a portion of your allowance or paycheck in a savings account. Fight urges to buy stuff you don’t really need (do you really have to have another pair of shoes?) A good motivation is saving up for that coveted, pricey something—a PSP, kickass digicam, foreign trip. Hopefully by 2009, you have more than enough to reward yourself by buying that “prize” for a job well done!

Lust for life

MANILA , Philippines - The New Year is usually associated with fresh starts in life. Here are ways to become a better you this 2008.

Get organized. From your room to your financial accounts, from your everyday appointments to your dreams and goals, get rid of the mess and instead get everything clear and straight. It’s so much easier to think, move and be productive when your surroundings are clean, complete and in order.

Make space. Too many material things can be bad for the soul. Don’t fill your life with junk. Clear your closet, shelves and containers of extras and donate them instead to those who need the stuff. How can life give you the great things you actually need if it sees that there’s no room in your life for them because of all your overflowing junk?

Be passionate. Fall head over feet with other people: celebrities, strangers, officemates, family, children, animals. Be in awe of places and see as many of them as you can. Obsess over experiencing and trying everything at least twice. Subscribe strongly to beliefs and valiantly fight for them. Lust over life and everything it has to offer.

Be yourself. Know yourself even more this year and stop trying to be someone else. Why be the second best Beyoncé or Regine Velasquez when you can be the best you, right? Acknowledge your imperfections and accept yourself for who you are—pimples, athlete’s foot and all. But know that you can always make yourself better in a lot of aspects. Don’t just think about being better, do it.

Don’t waste time. Sure, smelling the sampaguita from time to time (or whatever flower) is a good suggestion. But with all the great things to accomplish, learn and discover, why would you want to take it slow or be plain lazy?

Be ambitious. Don’t just passively accept what life gives (or doesn’t give) you. Regularly come up with goals, from learning new things to accomplishing dreams. Make 2008 a great year by focusing on one amazing goal and making sure you accomplish it before the year ends.

Leave your comfort zone. Why settle for the safe and boring when you can go for the unknown? Trash shyness, self-doubt and failure phobia. Be pleasantly surprised with the things you can do, people you can meet and growth you can experience by stepping out of your comfort zone.

Prioritize people. Meet as many acquaintances and cultivate as many friendships as you can, but single out the truly special individuals and let them know how significant they are to you by being more vocal and expressive about your feelings. Make them a bigger part of your life and don’t be shy to just break that wall and let them in. On the other hand, recognize negative people surrounding you (backstabbing users, emotional vampires, jealous social climbers, etc.) and get them out of your life.

Love your body. Schedule regular pampering sessions such as full-body massages, invigorating facials and hot oil treatments the whole year. Look your best by choosing one type of sport that will get you addicted to it, to enable you to strengthen your body. Make sure everything you consume is good for your health.

Prepare for the future. Rocking 2008 can be a piece of cake, but while you’re at it, make sure 2009 will be an equally great or even greater year. Start that savings account now and make it grow instead of regularly touching it. Get insurance. Have an executive health checkup so you know the medical conditions that you need to address as early as possible, if there are any. And, at all times, be happy.

Bagong Taon

2008-01-01T17:30:00.000+08:00

taena ang ingay sa labas. may party. hindi ko alam kung anong klase. basta maingay *(music) the poop phenomena..tengeneneng erng erng...* haha. masaya sila. wa ko paks.

anong dapat kong ipagpasalamat nung 2007:

>>nakatapos ng isang napakalupit na thesis (para sa akin). haha. at isa sa pinaka mahirap na course sa UST. take not: individual thesis. i cried a lot during the making. haha. uber naman kasi sa hirap. pero pagkatapos nun - the best feeling ever!

>> i graduated, bachelors degree in architorture. ops. architecture. sobrang nakaka-proud. nakaka overwhelm. biruin mo after five long years.

>>i at least for the first quarter of the year felt inspired. but then gone the second quarter. haha. parang periodical exam lang.

>>healthy and happy family. medyo nagdecrease nga lang yung happy part nung last few months. darn. kami lang ng ermats ko nagsimba nung christmas. oh well. but then knowing they've been all in good shape this year is one big thanks to the Lord.

>>my siblings plus my brothers and sisters in YFC at sa church. nice being with these people. sobrang cool. uber saya. pinapabata nila ko parati when i'm with them. hehe

>>got my first apprenticeship in the leading architectural firm of the country. sobrang proud to have been worked there. kahit madaming work it is something to be thankful for.

*(music) boom shakalak alakah boom shabadi...*

>>lahat ng hurts and pains and struggles na feeling ko, me against the world ang tema. so fucked up for how many days...weeks...months... buti buhay pa ko ngayon. yehey. ang galing ko mag manhid manhidan kunwari wala lang. haha. ang galing ko magpatulo ng luha sa unan. haha. yak anjologs. ampangit. ang korni.

anong kasasabikan ko ngayong 2008:

>>new work ^__^ kelangan ko ng makaipon ng pera, ng learnings at ng work ethics.

>>mas mabuting ako. duh. as if mabuti ako last year. haha

>>matuto ulit akong magmahal - ng tama. bakit anong mali dati? wahaha.

>>mas makapagdasal kay Lord. at yung araw araw lang Siyang pasalamatan.

>>mas maayos na erpats. mas malusog na ermats. at mas matitibay at maunawain na utols.

>>sarili ko. yeba.

chances and changes

2007-12-05T16:42:00.000+08:00

just when i thought everything's gonna break into pieces well not with Him. God has showered me again with His rays of hope. when i felt so broke and just can't seem to move on He gives me something that made me think a dozen times or more perhaps of how blessed I am if I just talk to Him -- again, intimately and sincerely. he doesn't count your worthiness because He only loves unconditionally. i don't know, but he sends us something just the right time when we need it the most. maybe the saying is right, when it's going to happen, it's going to happen in its right time, and if it does not happen it is not yet the right time. sometimes it really helps when you wait -- patiently. and if you cannot and might seem to give up -- just pray. and when you can't hold on just let go. maybe another thing will happen -- it may not be the one you expect but it can be the best God has ever wanted for you to have. remember He has the plans. and on whatever chance you get just grab. life goes on and God is with us. hmm parang hindi ako to ah. hehe.

the other thing i have realized this past few weeks are the constant changes. i am the adventurous type that goes with whatever i want to do, i want to wear or want to *^%..... and whatever the effects are then let it be. and maybe this what makes the constant change. everytime i do something new it'll be scary at first but believe me it's getting exciting the second time around. but nonetheless boring the nth time. hehe. adik. i'm always afraid of the end result but at least i've tried. if it fails then it fails bottomline you've tried and the best thing is you've learned. and that what makes the change - a better you -- hopefully. haha. i also realized that i am not the only one who's changing. everyone does. everyone who believes this world is worth living and the one who appreciates beauty and purpose in life.

i-churba mo na lang!

2007-11-25T16:26:00.000+08:00

"...kapag dead end na, i churba(chorva) mo na lang!"

-Manny Villar, senate president at balikbayan(qtv11)

Last night I watched balikbayan hosted by Drew Arellano at Qtv. At ang episode nila ay sa Bataan with Sen. Manny Villar. Nakakatuwa kasi andami niyang great thoughts (naalala ko sinabi rin niya na kapag wala ka ng pangarap wala ka ng dahilan para mabuhay..pareho ng sinabi saken ng nanay ko nung nag-aaral ako) haha pero nagulat at natawa lang ako nung sinabi niya yung salitang chorva. haha. Pero may point pa rin siya. Pag nga naman wala ka ng mapuntahan at di mo na alam gagawin mo... i-chorva mo na lang! haha. Go ka lang. Meron at merong paraan yan at malulusutan din.

anyways natutuwa ako na naasar kasi ang gulo ko. haha. kanina nasa isawan ako bumibili ng bituka at barbeque ng may cute na babae tumabi saken. hehe ang cute. wala lang bumili rin kasi siya ng isaw. hehe. kaso madilim na kaya hindi masiyado malinaw yung hitsura. wahaha. kinilig.

hmmm. iba naman to. tama pala yung mga napapanuod ko sa pelikula at nababasa sa libro. masakit kapag ka nawawala sa iyo o pilit mong inaalis sa isip mo yung taong naging parte ng buhay mo. kahit na minsan gusto mo lang naman malaman nila yung nararamdaman mo.yung totoong nasa damdamin mo. malabo pero ganun talaga siguro. mahirap mag let go. lalo na kung ikaw lang naman yung pumipilit na may panghawakan kahit wala naman sa simula pa lang. ikaw lang yung dapat humarap sa sarili mong katangahan. kasi siya ayos na ayos kahit wala ka. ang mahirap pa after mo mag let go eh mag move on. hmm letting go and moving on parang pareho lang? ewan ko pero sa tingin ko once na kapaglet go ka na mas madali na mag move on. pwede ka kasing mag move on ng hindi bumibitaw. tama ba? o ako lang. haha. yung parang, o sige umiikot ulit mundo mo pero yung laman pa rin ng puso mo eh nag-iisa. haha. ewan ang gulo. basta ang isa pang nakakaasar eh yung binabalewala yung sinabi mo. feeling masiyado... yung naaasar. haha. bahala na si batman. ang mahalaga chinorva mo. haha. ang nakakatakot ngayon kapag naka let go may bagong dadating hindi mo alam kung mauulit yung katangahan mo noon. kung ganun din ba siya na babalewalain ka lang din. ang sigurado lang. alam mong kakayanin mo na. alam mong kaya mong chorvahin. haha.

one more chance

2007-11-18T18:12:00.000+08:00

i had watched the movie "one more chance" which stars bea and jl. hehe. jologs na kung jologs pero maganda siya. haha. aside sa architect si bea sa story eh taga-UST pa siya.may nakaraan siguro yung writer nun sa UST arki. haha. namiss ko tuloy bigla yung campus. aww. san kayang firm kinuhanan yung office dun? hehe. anyways it's a drama love story movie. i kinda liked the lines. parang text messages lang. haha. naeexcite tuloy ako sa maging sino ka man book2. haha. kaso mukang imposibleng maabutan ko dahil late na kami nakakauwi. aww.

ayun ansama pa rin ng pakiramdam ko. parang gusto ko lang mag stay sa bahay. kaso it's monday tomorrow so back to normal. kakonsensya pa dahil di ako nakapag church kanina. haii badboii.

sa mga interior designers jan alam niyo ba yung reality show na "top design"? hehe. i've watch a couple of episodes and its cool! hehe. nakita ko lang siya sa quiapo tas bumili ako ng dvd copy. if you love designing you'll surely learn bits from the series.

ayun lang onting updates.

songs

2007-11-08T15:53:00.000+08:00

these are the lyrics of the songs i heard lately and kinda liked. nakakarelate kasi ako sa ibang lines haha. *.*

Title: Kaibigan
Artist: Up Dharma Down
Album: Kami Napo Muna Ulit

Kaibigan, tila yata matamlay
Ang iyong pakiramdam,
At ang ulo mo sa kaiisip
Ay tila naguguluhan,
Kung ang problema o suliranin
Ay lagi mong didibdibin
Ay tatanda kang bigla
Pag tumulo ang luha
Hahaba ang iyong mukha
At ikaw ang siyang kawawa
Iniwanan ka ng minahal mo sa buhay
At nabigla, sinamba mo siya
Binigyan mo ng lahat at
Biglang nawala,
Ang buhay mong alalahanin
At wag naman maging maramdamin
At tatanda kang bigla
Pag tumulo ang luha
Hahaba ang iyong mukha
At ikaw ang siyang kawawa
[refrain]
Kasama mo ako
At kasama rin kita
Sa hirap at ginhawa
Ako’y kagabay mo
At may dalang pagasa
Limutin siya, limutin siya
Marami, marami pang iba
Kaibigan
Kalimutan mo nalanag ang nakalipas
Kung nasilaw siya
Napasama sa lahat at biglang nawala
Marami pang malalapitan
Mababait at di naman pihikan
At tatanda kang bigla
Pag tumulo ang ‘yong luha
Hahaba ang iyong mukha
At ikaw ang siyang kawawa
[repeat refrain]
Kaibigan
Kalimutan mo nalanag ang nakalipas
Kung nasilaw siya
Napasama sa lahat at biglang nawala
Marami pang malalapitan
Mababait at di naman pihikan
At tatanda kang bigla
Pag tumulo ang ‘yong luha
Hahaba ang iyong mukha
At ikaw ang siyang kawawa

"Try"

Nelly Furtado

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn, the more I learn
The more I cry, the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love

"In God's Hands"
Nelly Furtado

I looked at your face I saw that all the love had died
I saw that we had forgotten to take the time
I, I saw that you couldn't care less about what you do
Couldn't care less about the lies
You couldn't find the time to cry

We forgot about love
We forgot about faith
We forgot about trust
We forgot about us

Now our love's floating out the window
Our love's floating out the back door
Our love's floating up in the sky in heaven
Where it began back in God's hands

You said that you had said all that you had to say
You said baby it's the end of the day
And we gave a lot but it wasn't enough
We got so tired that we just gave up

We didn't respect it
We went and neglected it
We didn't deserve it
But I never expected this

Our love floated out the window
Our love floated out the back door
Our love floated up in the sky to heaven
It's part of a plan
It's back in God's hands
Back in God's hands

It didn't last
It's a thing of the past
Oh we didn't understand
Just what we had
Oh I want it back
Just what we had
Oh I want it back
Oh just what we had

dark alley

2007-11-07T13:33:00.000+08:00

and why do i feel so emo. haha. nice chat with friends give me reason for a smile today. *.* i had a fever today but these people make me feel comfortably lighter. the poem above is written 5 minutes ago and i don't know but that's how i feel today thanks to my serene surrounding for giving an inspiration or say likely "a nice setting for a suicide".. nah.. i'm smarter.

vandal

2007-11-02T21:31:00.000+08:00

breaking out

2007-11-02T21:08:00.000+08:00

i felt him crying out loud that night. he didn't know what else to do but to burst it out. i can see his pain and how he tries to pull it all out. he prays as much as he wants and let his heart spoke to Him. he breaks down. and a day after he goes outside. and face the world as if nothing bothered him. he was so confused but he don't want the world to know how he really feels. for he loved the people around him and don't want them to feel bad about him. the only thing that kept him strong was the love he has around him. and eventhough that love hasn't been returned back to him, it is just as all right for him as it seems but then deep inside it leaves him bleeding. but he always thinks he's giving. and so he understood. he has been alone for so many years in his life. he wanted to show the people how much he cared. i pity him because he felt so lonely despite the fact that there are so many people valuing him. i hope that he'll get better sooner. and hopefully he'll choose to be happy in spite of all the trials he had gone through. I knew he would make it. he may not hae everything in this world but i hope he'll how much faith can save him. just trust in Him. and hold on.

kinda a feelin' good

2007-10-26T19:27:00.000+08:00

am i thinkin' too much? hehe. nah. not now.

i started the day not so good. with my stomach aching at morning and been late for hours at office because of it. i thought id be having a bad day but it turns out pretty well. kinda done my job at office although still tired for days of almost sleepless design works. hehe. but anyways it feels good. you know when you're super tired and stressed but still you have your team to back you up or loosen up a bit by just cracking jokes and smile on simple stories while havin short breaks. feels good still. hehe. a while ago my classmate turned officemate had to bid his goodbye since it is his last day today. our design team (8 of us) go out for some dinner-snack outside before going home. it is fun since i really love hearing stories about archi stuff and the things that i as fresh grad do not yet understand. plus we also reminisce some of our college days moments. bad part is they've come to know when's my birthday coming ang masama walang panlibre haha bahala na... hehe. and they come to know some trivia: i entered college fifteen years old and graduated twenty. and they were like: really? hehe yup. so i was having my first (official...rumaraket din ung college..hehe) job on twenty on a five year-course two-year apprentice profession. mejo nakakaproud pero hindi rin kasi the adjustment was really hard. you have to step up all the time. anyways. back to good kwentuhan moments. yes, our desdep head had his own stories too for us. some kalokohan he did during college. and no we didn't talk about office during that time cause it's much more of a stress. haha. good time is good time and so does with work is work. hehe. may natututunan din pala ako. sabi nga nila the more na nahihirapan much better and well trained wag lang sobra. eh yun naman talaga nature ng architecture = architorture. sus naman. student pa lang kami it's always been the "the college that never sleeps..." haha. the only thing we keep to urselves was the fulfillment when you finish a project or design and pass it on time plus the things that you learn while doing the job which for me was really a lot to say i am 3 months at work, i mean what more on the coming days. hehe. it just comes back to loving what you're doing and being happy with it.

i think i'm talking non sense na, mejo sleepy na. hehe gotta go to bed na maaga pa tomorrow. anhirap talaga ng walang makausap sa bahay. haha. anyways. Godbless people!

girl in my dream

2007-10-21T17:13:00.000+08:00

this had been a rare thing for me to remember what i had dreamt last night. since i am not that type of person who strongly believes in night dreams. ya' know. the dream was about me and this girl. she is pretty, nice smile, black hair ... kind of long, not skinny-not fat but kinda big girl but she's in highschool uniform which i find little weird. bottomline: she's cute and i like her. so we had a good conversation about life and how she get into our town. cause i remember at the end of the conversation (which is not so clear in my mind what was it about life that we're talking happily) she have to leave and says that she will be travelling far pa. i remember she said a place somewhere south (cavite, las pinas, paranaque...etc...) not so sure, and she says she study there. to think i am from the east, i mean it's still a 2 to 3 hour drive. i certainly remember and loved that look in her eyes after our conversation that i actually kissed her for a minute or so before she bids her goodbye. i don't know what this means but it's worth sharing i guess. just so i don't go too much thinking. hehe. ya know. kinda letting this thing out. as i said it's a rare thing for me to speak about dreams especially those in my sleep cause i usually remember nothing unless it's of great emotions as this is.

good day

2007-10-21T16:35:00.000+08:00

i had fun the whole sunday but also i was a lot sleepy. i mean it was a good day if only i don't feel the side effect of the medicine i had took for my allergy. i started the day feelin' sleepy still because saturday night was the usual movie night. hehe.so i woke up late and remembered i dave to attend the christening of my pamangkin. ninong pa naman ako. hehe. anyways i had gone to church just in time and after the baptism we went to my cousin's house and there chow time begins. there's really a lot of food, and i honestly enjoy eating, especially sa mga handaan, hindi lang halata sa payat ko. haha. the after that we go to tito benny's house for our household (prayer meeting) because there are some changes and turn overs that has happened in the service. aftr that, kainan ulit. hmmm. but the most fun part was of course when i get to see my cousins and friends again after months or so of not talking and no updates. it was a good day. oh how i miss the old times. haha. kung hindi lang talaga ko inaantok buongaraw. haha. anyways i hope there will be more of these good moments. thank you Lord talaga. hehe.

lots of misses

2007-10-11T15:50:00.000+08:00

it's been a month since i last visited the cyberworld. i'm feeling old and workaholic (not because i want to, damn.) i had my last household last sunday. it was fun. i'll miss the whole household in my chapter. i don't know what's exactly happening in the cfc-yfc community but i do pray the issues would be solved and hopefully things will get better. and with our new heads hopefully it's a big rebirth for better generations.

how am i? i'm quite tired. life and work. so i am here at rob and spend time here at a net cafe to just update myself on what's happening with my friends, some relatives and the world. aw i really miss a lot of things. there's really a lot that changed. i don't know if it's just me. shit. i hate when i feel i'm out of myself again. huh. vague.

last week i was kind of wandering why are there so many problems coming up when i was supposed to be enjoying life at my age. guess i was really not born to live the life i want to have. poor and single. how was that? and just when you thought everything's gonna be fine you'll see your mom crying. do i deserve this? i want to see this trials as blessings. but sometimes it was just too hard. i pray but i can't seem to focus much. maybe i'm just disturbed. maybe i just have to put my head on my job. maybe i'll just stop finding and waiting for someone. maybe there is no someone. maybe i'll have to live this life miserably. maybe i just have to work and work. not rest and just handle the responsiblity in my family. maybe...

i'll be 21 next month. nothing. just want to say it. huh. growing up. hehe. i remember in one of the tv series i watched it says adulthood is responsiblity. hmm guess it's right.

Fil-Am on Top Ten Reasons by David Letterman

2007-09-16T16:19:00.000+08:00

*just got it from a blog i passed by. thanks to mybloglog's jbinx (http://jbinx.blogspot.com/) which i believe he also got from another blog. hehe. here it is:

Don't know if you have watched David Letterman's Show when he used Filipino-American for his top ten reasons, but this certainly show we are an emerging group in this diversed society to be featured in Dave's famous TV show..

Top 10 Reasons Why There Couldn't Be a Filipino-American US President, By David Letterman

10. The White House is not big enough for in-laws and extended relatives.

9. There are not enough parking spaces at the White House for 2 Honda Civics, 2 Toyota Land Cruisers, 3 Toyota Corollas, a Mercedes Benz, a BMW , and an MPV (My Pinoy Van).

8. Dignitaries generally are intimidated by eating with their fingers at State dinners.

7. There are too many dining rooms in the White House - where will they put the picture of the Last Supper?

6. The White House walls are not big enough to hold a pair of giant wooden spoon and fork

5. Secret Service staff won't respond to "psst... psst" or 'hoy?.hoy?hoy?'

4. Secret Service staff will not be comfortable driving the presidential car with a Holy Rosary hanging on the rear view mirror, or the statue of the Santo Nino on the dashboard.

3. No budget allocation to purchase a Karaoke music-machine for every room in the White House.

2. State dinners do not allow "Take Home".

AND THE NUMBER 1 REASON WHY THERE COULDN'T BE A FILIPINO-AMERICAN U.S.
PRESIDENT IS...

1. Air Force One does not allow overweight Balikbayan boxes!

UAAP Cheerdance '07

2007-09-16T15:54:00.000+08:00

Hey congratulations UP Pep Squad and all the iskolar ng bayan for winning this year's cheerdance championship. hehe. well deserved. naexcite ako nung napanuod ko yung routines nila. you rock tis year. haha let's see next year. haha. anyways to my beloved thomasians kahit na alumni na ko i still am and always be a proud Thomasian! haha. UST Salinggawi Dance Troupe fan forever. Congrats for being the first placer. yeah. pero honestly i also love what FEU and UE did! wuhoo that was a very good performance by ALL universities in UAAP!

Anyways so much for collegiate thingies. I feel like my weekend's not complete. why? cause i didn't get enough rest. I didn't even got into our sectorcon a while ago and I haven't read a book I bought for almost a month. I believe every archi student knows The Fountainhead by AR. I started reading it and find it pretty interesting not only for arki people but for people who strongly believe and stand in their ideals. I can't comment more on the story since I haven't finished it. hehe.

WANTED: YOU

2007-09-09T18:27:00.000+08:00

i need you. i may not know you but i am really excited to meet you. i am needing you just right now. when the cold breeze goes through my window and slips my face in a rush. when nothing is against my side pulling a hand for a hold. i need you cause i have never been in love. i need you cause i feel that i can't wait for a hug. i need you because i felt so incomplete. i need you because i want to experience the thrill of falling and being stupid again. i need you because i want to feel the flow of blood rushing in my vein getting to my heart and making it beat faster.

i simply want that love. and just walk even for miles away knowing that you're in my heart wherever i go. i need you because i want to share my stories with you. i need you because i want to hear an opinion on every stories i have to tell. i need you because i want you to be my bestfriend. i need you because i want to tell you that i like everything that you are. i need you because you're making me feel natural and genuine. i want you to listen to every pain in my heart and just let it move away by your embrace. and i will also listen to your stories just because i know that's where i can touch your heart. i need you because as of this moment i want you to say you love me. people may see this as a desperate act of expressing myself. but i honestly want to be loved by you. the fact that i am alone in my room or even in the house doesn't bother anymore because i know that someone sharing the same sky with me loves me and wants to be with my side. i want to share my happiness with you even if this whole damn place gives me reasons to die because you will me give me just more reasons to live.

i may not know you yet. but now i feel that i am needing you.

jcsm090907

nasaan na'ko?

2007-09-08T11:47:00.000+08:00

minsan kelangan mo mag-isa pero hindi madalas kasi autistic ka na non. ako malapit na maging ganon pero buti na lang marunong pa rin akong makisabay sa ikot ng mundo. haha anhirap kapag napag-iiwanan ka na.

balik tayo sa pag-iisa. kapag umuuwi ako galing trabaho (kapag binabanggit ko to, feeling ko antanda ko na, people beinte anyos pa lang ako! haha) ayun na nga, malayo pa ang binabiyahe ko para makauwi sa aking tahanan. maglalakad ako mula opisina, sasakay ng tren, sasakay ng jeep, maghihntay ng fx, at kapag nakarating na ng san mateo magta-tricycle hanggang sa labas ng gate. malamang alangan naman papasukin ko pa sa loob. haha. ayun at madalas ako lang mag-isa kapagkalabasan na. dahil diyan maraming pumapasok sa isisp ko. marami akong napagninilay nilayan. isa na diyan ang pag-iisip kung ano ba talaga gusto ko gawin sa buhay ko? at dahil sa kakaisip nagkasakit ako ng isang linggo at di nakapasok ng isang araw at nakapaghalf day ng dalawang araw. haha. ganon kahina sikmura ko. marahil dala ng pinaghalo halong kamandag ng pressure, sipon, at loneliness. gusto ko na nga hanapin si happiness?! sanba talaga siya matatagpuan?

at dahil sa isang araw nga akong nakahilata sa kama at sumisinga ng sipon, sa wakas at nalista ko na rin ang mga bagay na gusto kong gawin at kahit papaano nakatulong naman siya sa aking pag-sigla. at kung bakit ko nga ba ginagawa ang mga bagay na ginagawa ko ngayon. haha. tulad na lang ngayon. dahil nga etong bulok na computer na to ang aking partner in crime, eh dito ko na rin nilalabas lahat ng gustong i-utot ng aking dila na sa sobrang baho eh ayoko ng maamoy ng iba mula pa sa aking bunganga. haha.

bago ko makalimutan. happy birthday mama mary! mabuhay ang mga dakilang ina!

ayun na nga. minsan kelangan balikan mo rin sarili mo eh. ano ba talaga gusto mo mangyari? forever ka nalang bang tambay dito sa cyberworld. gusto mo bang makijam naman sa mga totoong tao sa labas. hehe.

kapag nakahanap ka ng oras sagutin tong tanong na ito medyo gagaan yung feeling mo kaso maiisip mo rin yung mga kalokohan taglay mo at mga responsibilidad na meron ka. okey na yun at least kahit papaano alam mo kalakasan at kahinaan ng puso't isipan mo. di ka naman robot para gawin ang kung ano lang ang nakatakda. haha parang fantasy. nakatakda talaga. siyempre merong mga pagsubok sa pag-abot ng iyong mga pangarap. maaring makaharap mo pa nag pinakamatinding kalaban ni shaider (ang pulis pangkalawakan) na si puma-ley-ar (ano ba spelling nito?) hehe.

at siyempre magkakaroon na rin kahit papaano ng direksiyon ang buhay mo kapag nga napag-isipan mo na ang purpose mo sa mundong ibabaw. haha. ewan ko lang ah. pero ako nakatulong talaga siya sa pagiging positive ko as of now (as of now kasi malay ko ba baka bukas mabadtrip na naman ako, haha ang moody) haha. malay mo ang purpose mo talaga ay umakyat ng mount everest aba eh ngayong pa lang eh magtraining ka na at try mo ng umakyat akyat ng matataas na lugar. umpisahan mo sa pag-akyat ng puno ng alatiris (aww na-miss ko tuloy nung bata ako pumipitas ako nito sa puno ng kapit bahay). haha.

kwento lang ako. ngayon sobrang di na ako inaabutan ng ermats ko ng allowance, at sobrang sakto lang sa pamasahe ko at pagkain mula umaga hanggang gabi yung allowance na nakukuha ko sa training. gustuhin ko man tumulong sa mga gastos sa bahay eh hindi talaga kaya. kung meron ba eh bakit ako magtiya-tiyaga sa 3310, bakit ako babiyahe kung pwede naman akong mag-apartment, bakit ako magsusuot ng paulit-ulit na sweater jacket at itim at malapit ng mawarak na itim na sapatos, at bakit ako magtiya-tiyaga mag-apprentice kung pwede naman akong magcall center. yun ay dahil may gusto akong maabot. at dahil doon ano mang hirap, siguro, kelangan ko lang talaga pagdaanan. sabi nila life starts at 40 (tama ba, haha naghuhula lang ata ko ng kasabihan) pero para sa'kin kahit kakalabas mo pa lang ng tiyan ng ina mo life is starting to do its thing on you. may ipaparanas na yan kahit ano pa mang edad meron ka. at yun learning experience yun, don't take it as something that just happened, it has its purpose. and whatever it is, only God knows. kaya mabuti pa kumapit ka lang sa Kaniya ng todo. tatagan ang pananampalataya at magtiwala. haii. anseryoso na.

sige na. have to go. tandaan, more energy mas happy. wala lang. haha.

God Bless!

may isa pa pala akong hindi natatgpuan sa buhay. kung sino man siya. magparamdam ka na. haha.

the week that was

2007-09-01T20:37:00.000+08:00

updates:

it was a super exciting and scary week. i got pressured on deadlines. thank God i had very nice officemates in our design team. and because of the stress i got sick and until now i'm having a flu. hope to get my strength back tomorrow. my weekend rest. hehe.

there are lot of things running in my mind. i want to do things i can't even find time to do. i had responsibilities i can't manage. but as what my head always try to remind me - be positive and just do my best.

what i've learned? for this past events i had been reaffirmed how powerful prayer is and how He teaches me to let things go keeps my worries manageable.

on my previous entry i have posted about our relationship with ourselves. i am thinking that it's maybe this time i'll try to know who i really am inside and out. cause that's what keeps me not do what i wanted to do. maybe taking out bit of hesitations, pieces of fears and all the unnecessary stuff that's been trapped on the past.

being alone

2007-09-01T20:19:00.000+08:00

Got this from my daily OM website. follow the link on my links.

July 18, 2007
Being Alone
A Relationship With Self

The most important relationship we have in our lives is with our selves. And even though we are the only ones who are present at every moment of our lives—from birth onward—this relationship can be the most difficult one to cultivate. This may be because society places such emphasis on the importance of being in a romantic partnership, even teaching us to set aside our own needs for the needs of another. Until we know ourselves, however, we cannot possibly choose the right relationship to support our mutual growth toward our highest potential. By allowing ourselves to be comfortable with being alone, we can become the people with whom we want to have a relationship.

Perhaps at no other time in history has it been possible for people to survive, and even thrive, while living alone. We can now support ourselves financially, socially, and emotionally without needing a spouse for survival in any of these realms. With this freedom, we can pursue our own interests and create fulfilling partnerships with friends, business partners, creative cohorts, and neighbors. Once we’ve satisfied our needs and created our support system, a mate then becomes someone with whom we can share the bounty of all we’ve created and the beauty we’ve discovered within ourselves.

As we move away from tradition and fall into more natural cycles of being in the world today, we may find that there are times where being alone nourishes us and other periods in which a partnership is best for our growth. We may need to learn to create spaces to be alone within relationships. When we can shift our expectations of our relationships with ourselves and others to opportunities for discovery, we open ourselves to forge new paths and encounter uncharted territory. Being willing to know and love ourselves, and to find what truly makes us feel deeply and strongly, gives us the advantage of being able to attract and choose the right people with whom to share ourselves, whether those relationships fall into recognizable roles or not. Choosing to enjoy being alone allows us to fully explore our most important relationship—the one with our true selves.

getting shitty

2007-08-25T08:40:00.000+08:00

i feel good when it's getting bad. shit. i think it should not be the way i am feeling or say --thinking ayt? today i should be going on a chapterhead's overnight but i don't feel like going for unknown reasons. para na kay Lord di ko pa magawan ng paraan. gusto ko tuloy magretreat. i feel just all right pero alam ko may mali on the way i am acting. weird and unusual. i have so much pressure holding me right now. too much responsibility i can't even handle one at a time. and now i feel like losing it all. i like to go back to the days when my heart was burning to serve and simply live life with Him. and nothing to worry about. Fighting the adversities and struggles til it breaks me but not even felt broken after all. yun na yun.

now i am acting the stupid ways AGAIN. i am not learning. i am becoming desperate. ayoko naman maging bato habang tumatanda yung tipong wala ng maramdaman.

- waiting for the righ time-

no free time

2007-08-15T15:35:00.000+08:00

kapag arki talaga iba ang oras. parang iisa lang ang araw at gabi. walang pagkakaiba. hehe. anyways. sobrang busy na ng araw araw ko. wah di ko na alam pano ibabalance yung sa church, personal, family at work. kataranta. ayun, pero ayos lang. marunong pa naman ako magdasal although nagi-guilty ako kasi nabawasan yung prayer time ko at minsan nawawala na. tsk tsk how bad.

ayun i'm here at rob right now, sobrang kakagaling lang sa trabaho, hahaha napagalitan pa, hehe pero ayos lang no, that's part of learning. .

namiss ko tumambay dito at ang gumawa ng maisusulat. kaasar nasira pa yung PC sa bahay di tuloy ako komportable sa labas. haha. eh may idadraft pa naman akong design sa event sa simbahan. haii life.

ang lakas ng ulan at hangin kanina no? na-late tuloy ako. tumirik pa yung LRT2 bago mag J. Ruiz. haha. ansarap ng feeling. joke. haha.

misses and excitements

2007-08-04T08:58:00.000+08:00

its been a week since i last visited this site of mine. haha. all pressured up and excited on my new work. nyah. this is the real archi world. hehe. been praying for this a long time. thank God. totoo pala yung sinasabi nilang umuuwi ka lang sa bahay para matulog. hai. pero i am happy with how everything's going. although i have more responsibilities to shoulder. adding up was the on going preparation for the youth jam next month for the fiesta of the shrine of our laday of aranzazu. i've been task to design the stage for the concert. haii any suggestions or websites on where to find cool design for stages for concerts? the audience and the performers are all youth. wow. big production there. avp will surely take it big time also.

plus tomorrow we'll have our chapter assembly for august. whooh. hope we'll plan it good haha. i do hope God will provide more strength for me to do this tall on time. haha. it is never a wasted time when it is time to serve God, ayt?

wisdom bucket:

"adulthood is responsibility" -grey's anatomy

"what you picture in your mind, your mind will go to work to accomplish. when you change your pictures, you automatically change your performance. whatever you attach consistently to the words 'i am,' you will become" - a text from a friend

thy will be done

2007-07-24T18:32:00.000+08:00

yes it was a tough week. rough days goin on there. but anyways i'm keeping myself on the right track as much as i can. as i have said, no more dramas. i am keeping myself positive as i feel what people should be thinking with their lives. talking to God as often as possible to keep that faith. and of course surrounding myself with positive vibes. haha. i mean - the better friends. so much for finding myself and being lost again. when it is going to happen its going to be. all has its purpose. i think it is part of growing up. life is a process of learning. i am twenty and at an early age of fifteen i've been independent in some ways. my mom raise me up to be God-fearing and so i live by it.

just as i have my God up there looking and reaching out. i will be here walking on water and on whatever plans He has in store for me i believe it'll be there in His very righteous time. He just wants me to wait and to learn things and make me ready for whatever that is he is preparing.

i also learned that it is not always that easy to express everything and release it on any thing or media or what-so-ever, sometimes it is easier feeling the hurt and accepting that you're broken, cause after that it is very nice to feel and know that you've overcome it and that any pain that yet to come can be resisted and fought because you've become stronger and better person.

don't forget to breathe. even in your ordinary day. sometimes work and studies are exhausting. you might want to take a few break. relax and unwind. life is short and we don't want to get old and haven't tried and felt moments of our youth. tell everyone you love that you love them. respect the people around even if they don't. thank and say sorry to those who deserve it. just a matter of perspective. try and try. have fun but then balance it with your priorities.

and trust God. just keep the faith.

just want to share this piece of personal prayer

Lord, you know that i feel i am not worthy of anything right now. for i have sinned and disappointed you. i have lost many times in my life still, You, oh God helped me find the way back to the right path. you have forgiven me yet i haven't done any good to you. help me God to be healed. i may have in my heart the guilt, despair and loneliness. i may feel right now the struggles and inner conflicts. just let me face the adversities with You, Oh God. i feel sorry about my past. now is another day, new day. Lord i know you want me to move on. just let me live this present holding my faith to you oh God. and guide me to a much better future, keeping the hope you've given us. Lord let me feel your love everyday, so i will not feel the emptiness because i know someone like you, Jesus, embraces me. amen.

a friend told me to read and claim this line from the bible jeremiah29:11 "I will bless you with a future filled with hope - a future of success, not of suffering"

The New Chapter: The Other Me

2007-07-20T21:53:00.000+08:00

this is my worst fear ever
i have come cruisin' life badly
i may consider this as a test
cause i have believed in things that come in purpose

my heart is cryin
my mind wants to withdraw its fullness
my soul has weaken

this is worst than me being beaten during my childhood,
it is much unacceptable than receiving a bad letter from a teacher,
this is unsurpassable than getting zero in a long test on my highschool,
aching more than my heart has felt broken by my first love,
and much fearing than thesis during the last days of college
the rejection is unstoppable
it wanted me to PUSH until i finally
give up

the other that lives inside me wants to say goodbye for a while
he wants to rest -

the man full of funny thoughts,
the guy enjoyably joyful over things
especially those that are unexpectedly merry,
and the pursuing boy is depressed
and so the other comes in

this battle raging inside me has been blinding
on the dark side of life i have come to it
maybe now i feel safe in its blackness
you can bring me some light but i might see it as vague as nothing
for i might be misunderstood and i might not care

just because of these feeling lonely and miserable thing goin on in me
i would just for a while take time to find myself
to know what i want to do

no more shedding of tears over love reasons
no more regretting and bitterness for not finding work
this feeling of worthlessness seems a struggle
but one thing i hold on even in the dark
makes my heart go braver than anything else -
it is the love for my family

i may not love myself,
i may not be loved by others,
i may not fulfill my chosen career,
i may not build the beautiful dreams of dreamers,
but i surely will find a way
to win everything for my mom!

___

this may sound as goodbye
but nevertheless i will be back
just a little space and time for myself
plus guidance from above
is enough to get things on the right track

pray with me

___

thanks for my friends who continually supports and to those who has been a part of my life since childhood - from my real home to the cyberworld.

God bless us!

Youth Rally Behind Culture and Heritage

2007-07-16T10:55:00.000+08:00

Matagal na ito pero ipopost ko ulit. I think na-post ko na to sa isa ko pang blog but i want to share this to my multiply friends. hehe. Just found it again sa net ( http://preservephilippineheritage.blogs.friendster.com/hcs/2006/01/youth_rally_beh.html )

La lang minsan ko lang makita name ko sa broadsheet haha I reacted on Sir Villalon's articles and there it goes. Haha. This was featured in the Lifestyle issue of Inquirer last year January 09, 2006 back in my college days. hehe. I still have the copy. It's when I realize I really can write. Wahaha. No, really but sobrang late-bloomer ako palagi. Narerealize ko mga bagay na gusto ko sobrang late na. Ewan ko ba. Anyways hope your read this one.

Youth rally behind culture and heritage

http://news.inq7.net/lifestyle/index.php?index=2&story_id=62349
By Augusto Villalon

THE START OF THE YEAR IS the time to take stock of the heritage situation, to see where our heritage journey has reached, and to see whether it is arriving at its destination.

Not many thought of heritage conservation in the far-off 1980s when people believed that cultural heritage shackled us to a dark past. Old architecture held neighborhoods and towns from progress, they believed.

Progress demanded replacing the old with the new, building anew over the debris of the old. The cycle of destruction took away many outdated cultural practices that were rapidly abandoned and replaced with the new.

Progress and embracing new ideas are essential to the growth of a society. However, respecting the past is vital in keeping the thread of national continuity alive no matter the march of modernization.

There has been a change of attitudes since then. Conservation issues, the Jai Alai and Arroceros Forest Park demolitions, have become rallying points, making more people aware of their heritage. Now in many agendas is the preservation and revival of Philippine culture-from architecture to festivals, dances, literature, and so much more.

Student correspondence

Letters received recently from students at the University of Santo Tomas prove that the youth is moving into the front lines of conservation.

Mary Shella Senga comments on the revival of the traditional Misa de Gallo procession in the Parian of Cebu that ushered in the city's Christmas season last month.

"The Parian of Cebu is the symbol of change or modernization, but at the same time, (of) saving the culture and traditions that were once experienced by many... Kaguikan sa Parian shows that Cebuanos will always be proud of their heritage and they would always keep in their hearts and minds what they had before (while) coping with the 21st century."

Quennie Chiu says that since she has become aware of conservation, she has "learned more about our culture and (the) heritage of our country."

Jomar Bautista writes that "your column opened our eyes to one of the vital reasons why we (students) should continue to strive to be architects: to reestablish and revive structures that pay homage to Philippine culture and the arts. You also made us see places we failed to recognize as part of our heritage, allowing us to think that these places are part of our culture... "

Jansen Alias writes, "You have reminded me of some of the things that we sometimes are forgetting to consider in architecture, such as environment and heritage, which directly affect us... neglecting them could be detrimental (to) designing an efficient building that would hinder the growth and lives of people in it."

He continues, "Our country is facing different types of challenges today in different fields, including architecture. Really, there is much to be done in order to make more Filipinos realize the unique pride of place in different regions of the archipelago. I believe that as Filipinos, each of us have our own duty to serve our nation that is rich in heritage and treasures. You have featured how each province boasts of a natural or architectural wonder, which is great and really something to be proud of.

"Just as you wrote in some of your articles (Carcar, Cebu), I found out that nothing is impossible if only all of us, i.e. government, citizens, church, NGOs, etc., would get our act together toward one common goal."

Everyone's duty

From Johnus Mirazol come these observations, "I have become an enthusiast of architectural conservation and preservation. I think it is good that even though we are in a period of constructing smart, grand and high-rise structures, we still give importance to the glorious past and history that we have."

Mirazol continues: "Buildings and historic places are non-living entities, but these are mirrors expressing a rich culture and history... but (they) will definitely stand in time, even for centuries, and these witnesses will tell us of the affluent culture and patrimony that was handed to us by our forefathers."

"I hope that there will come a time that architectural heritage conservation and preservation will be the duty (not only) of the few, but of all. It's not yet too late to start rebuilding what we have lost, for that is the only way that we would be able to start the foundation of our future."

Another UST Architecture student, Julius Marzan, writes that articles published on this column provide readers the "information on what's going on in different places in and out of the country," the "historical significance" of structures, and the "need for (their) conservation."

"I am also glad that the cultural importance is pointed out in your articles, which hopefully would boost the enthusiasm of Filipinos (so that they could) improve and beautify the wealth of our culture, especially in places which we can be proud of."

Marzan expresses the hope to develop the "heart for our nation and the motivation in conserving and preserving important structures and places which signify the past; (this would) help shape a better future for the Filipinos."

As the student letters show, we have come quite a way since the 1980s in the quest to preserve our heritage. With the growing involvement of the youth, rediscovering and protecting our heritage will become a national priority sooner than we expect.

E-mail the author at afv@hotmail.com

MOVIE gimik

2007-07-14T10:13:00.000+08:00

I had the time to go with my college friend yesterday for a movie gimik. I was just supposed to go to Sta. Lu at 7pm to meet with my boss and I thought it would be better if I had to do something before it, so I called my friend and out of the blue invited her to watch HARRY POTTER and the ORDER of the PHOENIX. I'm a fan of the book eversince but haven't had a chance to read book 5 onwards because I was busy back then and been reading lot of pretty good books lately. So we decided to meet up in Gateway and watched there. I was so happy because for a long wait of a potter movie It's like seeing something I have missed for a long time. It's almost 4:30 when the movie finished but then we thought it would also be fun if we watch Transformers. So I texted my boss if I still would meet her at 7 and luckily she postponed it and make it a monday instead. So we ran to RobEast (cause the showing time of transformers in Gateway is kinda late na) and ate dinner before we watched (while watching/listening to Bloomfield, a rising band with beattle-type songs). The movie Transformers is oh so GREAT, the effects are surely two thumbs up. It was near real-life! And oh, the stars are cool (well of course aside from the autobots).

It was great day. I had fun aside from the movie of course we had time to get chismax from each other. haha. The only bad thing is we're both waiting for a call to work. We always wanted to work na and had applied on some companies but I guess that's just how our career goes, it's hard to get a job nowadays. And arkilife is really tough. I pray we'll be having our career real soon.

sabado fever

2007-07-08T18:03:00.000+08:00

kahapon sabado naumpisahan ko ang aking umaga ng masalimuot. bukod sa may sakit ako meron akong tinatapos na project sa work na pinapagawa sakin ng isang architect. hindi ko ito natapos. akala ko pa naman magkakaroon na'ko ng first sweldo ngunit dahil sa hindi magandang performance ay binigo ko lamang si madam boss. hay. actually wala pa kong official work, iyon ay sideline na kumuha sa'kin para kahit papaano eh matrain ang blangko kong utak.

bago kami magkita at umalis, nanuod muna ako ng opening ng UAAP 70th season sa studio 23, salamat kay elijah (highschool chorva friend) at tinext ako.. wah host pala ang University of Santo Tomas. buti na lang. pero may pagsisising naganap sa akin dahil dapat ay nasa araneta ako para mapanuod ng live, dahil deadma ko sa mga nagbebenta ng ticket, malay ko bang UST pala magpeperform, ayan tuloy todo sisi ang lolo mo. Amfotesh, anlupit talaga ng school ko. hahahaha. kahit na alumni na 'ko sobrang mahal na mahal ko tong UST. waaah. iloveUST. hehe. ang kulit eh no. ang astig kasi eh. sobra. manalo matalo nasa puso ko pa rin ang pagiging TOMASINO. astig-cool-malupit-talented-cute-bonggangbongga-humble-prayerful-lahatna!. hehe. kahit madalas tong bahain sige lang at lumalaban. weh konek. haha. basta sobrang namimiss ko na tumapak ng espana lalong lalo na sa loob ng the royal and pintifical catholic university U-S-T. Go USTe! tigers power. hehe. sana manalo ulit salinggawi at lahat ng tiger teams na lalaban this season, mula basketball hanggang volleyball, taekwondo,fencing, baseball, soccer, swimming...atbp. God Bless UST! proud to be thomasian. yuck ang OA ko na.

ayun na nga matapos ang malupit na opening pumunta na ko ng sta.lu para iabot ang drawings. sabi ko na ayos lang na di ako bayaran dahil binigo ko naman siya sa pangakong tatapusin kaya ayun ang first sweldo ko ay tumataginting na 200 pesos. haha. ayos lang no. dapat nga wala eh. sobrang nakakahiya kasi. kung wala lang akong sakit at mediyo mas mahaba yung time eh natapos ko sana. ayon at least experience wise, i've done my best.

tapos dinalaw ko yung anak ng pinsan ko sa marikina. at timing eh may handa ang isa kong pinsan na pumasa sa board - si joanna a.k.a. onang. haha. astig dami handa. ansarap ng grilled liempo. kung wala lang sanang langaw sa spaghetti. haha. pero keri lang kain pa rin ako. haha. bakit ba. pero tinabi ko yung iba. haha. plastic. in fairness ansarap. eh eto pa, makakatakas ba naman ako sa tagayan? ayun napa-inom tuloy ako ng wala sa plano. dpat talaga hindi ako totoma eh kahiyaan na lang di ba, tsaka naguilty ako dati nung may tinanggihan akong shot sa house ng friend ko. haii. ops. zero-alcohol ba kamo? hehe pass muna ko sa 100% pure may okasiyon naman. weh. sana maintindihan po ninyo. hehe. ayun na nga.

buti dumating yung iba ko pang pinsan. kasabay ko umuwi mediyo may tama na kasi ako nun. kaya pinainom muna ako ng kape bago bumiyahe. baka mapano pako sa daan. haha. epal. pero ayun nasa pag-iisip pa naman ako. kasi for more than a year ata hindi ako umiinom, last siguro nung november 2005? basta 19 palnag ako nun tsaka birthday ko, h ngayon 20 na'ko. hehe.

pag-uwi ko, mejo sumubo pa'ko. ayun ayos naman nakatulog ako agad, haha.

THE REAL THING (Love Should Feel Good)

2007-07-03T08:40:00.000+08:00

This is an entry I got from my account at http://www.dailyom.com/ that I want to share to everyone cause it's one of my fave entry there. I tell you have to register here cause all of the entries makes you realize some things within you.

June 4, 2007
The Real Thing
Love Should Feel Good

Often in our lives, we fall prey to the idea of a thing rather than actually experiencing the thing itself. We see this at play in our love lives and in the love lives of our friends, our family, and even fictional characters. The conceptualizing, depiction, and pursuit of true love are multimillion-dollar industries in the modern world. However, very little of what is offered actually leads us to an authentic experience of love. Moreover, as we grasp for what we think we want and fail to find it, we may suffer and bring suffering to others. When this is the case, when we suffer more than we feel healed, we can be fairly certain that what we have found is not love but something else.

When we feel anxious, excited, nervous, and thrilled, we are probably experiencing romance, not love. Romance can be a lot of fun as long as we do not try to make too much of it. If we try to make more of it than it is, the romance then becomes painful. Romance may lead to love, but it may also fade without blossoming into anything more than a flirtation. If we cling to it and try to make it more, we might find ourselves pining for a fantasy, or worse, stuck in a relationship that was never meant to last.

Real love is identifiable by the way it makes us feel. Love should feel good. There is a peaceful quality to an authentic experience of love that penetrates to our core, touching a part of ourselves that has always been there. True love activates this inner being, filling us with warmth and light. An authentic experience of love does not ask us to look a certain way, drive a certain car, or have a certain job. It takes us as we are, no changes required. When people truly love us, their love for us awakens our love for ourselves. They remind us that what we seek outside of ourselves is a mirror image of the lover within. In this way, true love never makes us feel needy or lacking or anxious. Instead, true love empowers us with its implicit message that we are, always have been, and always will be, made of love.

(if the link above doesn't work, try the one in My Links here in multiply)

over it

2007-06-30T02:48:00.000+08:00

I'm becoming non sense

this crap I should not be taking

the life I must not be wasting

God help me find my way

eventhough I have sinned everyday

the past I am hanging

may You blew it with the wind

and the future I am uncertain

may I not doubt when You lead

all I want now is top let things go

all I need now is to just believe

and found love within me

Paghintay, Pagbitiw at Pag-asa

2007-06-28T05:36:00.000+08:00

Paghintay. Madalas akong naghihintay. Lalo na nung medyo tanga pa ko sa mundo, well haggang ngayon naman tanga pa rin. Haha. Madalas kasi kapag pasukan, sobrang aga ko. Kapag may mga meet ups hangga't maari 15 minutes before andun na'ko. Pero nung matapos ako ng college. Parang tinamad na'ko maging maaga. Ayoko na kasi maghintay. Nakakasawa pala na sa buong buhay mo naghihintay ka lang. Sabi nila patience is a virtue, eh baka sa iba umaayon pa yon, pero sa ngayon, sa akin, hindi na muna - kapagod kasi. Kagabi andrama ng group message ko sa text, kasi feeling ko sobrang wasted na'ko sa buhay. Walang work. Naghihintay ng call back. Ampotah eh lahat ata ng kompaniya sasabihin sa'yo "we'll be calling you in a week time". Ano ba? dahil ba mabagal ako mag autocad, dahil ba muka akong mahirap na mamayan o dahil ba sa sinisiksik ko lang sarili ko sa mundo ng mga arkitekto. Hindi lang nila alam kung gaano kalupit ang pinalalampas nilang talento... wahaha... attitude. Mukang mas bagay ako sa mundo ng pag-aartista? haha. Epal. Siksik. Isa pang bagay na dapat kong tanggalin sa bokabularyo ko under the reasons of waiting. Baka naman gusto ko lang isiksik ang sarili ko sa mga bagay na di nakalaan para sa akin.

Pagbitiw. Wala naman akong dapat bitawan kung wala akong hinawakan in the first place. Tama o tama? At dahil wala kang choice, tama. Ako kasi once i hold into/on something, i always think na it will last. Pero sabi nga nila you can't hold many or all things in your hands kasi may limitations ang paghawak sa mga bagay bagay depende sa laki ng hawak mo at sa haba ng panahong nasa kamay mo lang siya. Kapag puno ang mga kamay mo, minsan dapat mo ng bitawan yung iba at maari mo itong itapon o ibigay sa iba. Minsan nagiging selfish tayo o kaya madalas nahihirapan lang talaga tayo mag let go. Ako sa ngayon marami akong gustong bitawan. Pero kapag binatawan ko ang mga bagay na yun natatakot akong may mga sumamang ayokong mawala sa kamay ko. Madalas kasi hindi ko lang sila basta hinahawakan, yung iba sa kanila nasa puso ko na, kaya dinudukot ko pa ng husto para lang alisin sa kaloob looban ko. Shette ansakit nun. Pero kailangan.

Pag-asa. Ito na lang ang natitira sa akin. Ito na lang ang pwede kong panghawakan kapag pagod na'kong maghintay at kapag gusto ko nga bumitiw. Inaalis ko na lang lahat ng negatibo, I always try to be optimistic. pero kasi kapag puso ang nahihirapan, yung utak mo bumabaluktot na rin. Nababalot ng kalungkutan. Kagabi feeling ko ako ang pinakapangit na nilalang sa mundo kasi nag-iisa na naman ako. Fuck shit, kelan ba ko nasiyahan sa pagiging mag-isa pera na lang kung nasa mall ako at may pambili ng luho... haha... outlet ba?! may nareceive akong text after ng GM ko, it's about expecting and hoping. Ops. Nice text. Mejo tumama. Sabi dun: "It is wiser not to expect but to hope, for in expecting, we ask for disappointments whereas in hoping, we invite surprises." Nga naman may point siya dun. Pero di ko maexplain, haha, ang bobo.

(1) Maghihitay ba ulit ako?

(2) Anu ano ang mga bagay na kailangan kong bitawan? Dapat ko na ba itong gawin sa madaling panahon?

(3) Hanggang kailan ko panghahawakan ang pag-asa? Bakit?

Kung nais sagutin: Kumuha ng puting cartolina.Sunugin muna ang paligid ng papel upang magkaroon ng disenyo. Gupitin ang sariling buhok at gamit ang mga nagupit na buhok buuin ang mga letrang kailangang gamitin sa pagsagot. Meron ka lamang limang minuto para sagutin ang lahat ng tanong at upang madikit ang mga letrang buhok sa cartolina. Kapag kulang ang nasagutan, hindi maintindihan ang pangungusap at hindi umabot sa oras : Lumabas ka na lang ng bahay at hayaang pagtawanan ng kapitbahay at mga kaibigan dahil kalbo ka na tulad ko.

Luneta Day

2007-06-24T17:42:00.000+08:00

Yup, you read it right, Luneta day. CFC anniversary kasi kaya nagpunta kami with my yfc bros tas humabol yung ibang sis. Andun din si mahal na Ina. haha. Elibs naman ako dun sa batang nag lead ng worship. astig. cool dude. yuck ang korni na.

Grabe kanina lang ulit ako nakaluwas ng Maynila (ops. promdi talaga. {kanta}mahal kong maynila, ika'y hindi magsasawa... tama ba yung lyrics?) hehe. Ang sarap magpa-picture at mag-picture. Kung may camera lang ako,hay naku walang kawala sakin ang Maynila, eh buti yung isa kong kasama magdo-docu may dalang digicam eh di naki pic na rin ako. haha. Kaso siyempre iba pa rin yun kukuhanan mu yung mga bagay na interasado ka. Gaya ko, gusto ko pumicture sa kalsada, picturan ang estatwa ni Rizal dapat may guard para astig, at siyempre ang mga gusali at magagandang spot sa Luneta kabilang na'ko dun. Haha, parte daw talaga ko ng Luneta?! ang kulit. Eh ayun na nga andami rin tao. Wala lang gusto ko lang sabihing madaming tao. Haha. Gusto mo ikaw rin sabihin mo, o game ah one, two, go... "eh ayun nga andaming tao." Very Good! Haha.

Ayun, haggard kasi sobrang init the whole day pera na lang nung bandang hapon after mass umulan. Huwaw, ang sakit naman sa ulo nun. Pero ayos lang masaya. Haii naku can't believe na one year na lang ako sa YFC. Hehe. I so love the whole community. Anyways, super pasaway naman ako, pati tuloy members nahahawa.

Share ko lang din (kung ayaw mong basahin eh di huwag...haha), ang astig din kagabi kasi narealize ko HINDI ako NAG-IISA sa mundo na may same prob. Actually kahit sa text lang kami nagkausap sobrang na-touch ako sa story niya, at dahil dun gusto ko siyang i-hug. awww. (ops, hindi aso yun na umungol, yun yung sa text kapag ka na-touch ka sasabihin sa'yo ... awww - pwede ring i-read as oooohw...bahala ka na kung panu mu siya ii-interpret).

At yun na nga balik sa Luneta, kawindang yung bata kanina nagpupulot siya ng bote tas nung makita niya yung cup ng noodles bigla ba namang hinataw hanggang sa matapon at bumalibag yung lalagyan, eh may laman pa naman, nagkalat pa siya. Hay kaya mga magulang : turuan ng tamang asal ang mga anak. Pwedeng anak mo o kaya kung ayaw mo naman eh di yung anak ng kapitbahay mo o ng crush mo (yikee nanay/tatay na nga may crush pa, chismakaroo), anu ba naman yung isang bata ang natuto ng magandang asal kapamilya man o kapuso. nyah anjologs. haha.

Speaking of kapamilya, bakit kaya natanggal si Nel kagabi sa Big Brother house. Haii ano ba yan, hindi ba dapat si Wendy? O kaya si Bruce? O kaya si Bea, Gee-Ann? Pwede rin namang si Mickey at Bodie? Yuck nilahat na. haha. Akala ko pa naman si Nel ang mapapasama sa Big Four. Ngunit ako ay nagkamali. At ang pagkakamaling yun ay di dapat tularan ng iba. Pinagsisihan ko na ang naging desisyon ko. Huhuhu. Andarama? wa ka paks! ganun talaga haha.

Ikaw kwento ka naman?! anu pa't naging tambayan natin to. yess. may plugging factor. hehe.

God Bless pipol of the world! apir, apir, apir!!!!

Facing The Giants

2007-06-13T15:28:00.000+08:00

It was a super big week for me last week. It started off Tuesday (June 5, 2007) when we had our SOLA2 leaders household. It was like a balik-eskwela household and farewell household to some leaders in our group. It started late around 5pm cause some had school and I had to go find a job. It was a tiring day but seeing these young leaders in our community made me feel better. This young hearts although you know they had their own probs and stuffs do have their hyper energy felt in the house (Tito Mar's). We had a bit of discussion (kinda debate with Alvin on the frontline throwing questions to Girlie (fresh from Summer House Training that time). It was a lively and fun-filled household I may say, almost complete attendance and all is so eager to share and to just have fun. Although I have shared what I was feeling the previous days before household - which was not really good - God just so affirmed to me that I have to fully trust in Him and surrender everything. Then after we ate our food (care of our couple coordinator...nyahahaha...bitin yung pansit pero nagkasya naman...haha...basta food talaga! haha) we went to Arvin's house (our clusterhead Sam's brother) to watch what I prepared last night. It was a video for the farewell of my partner, and two other leader - which had to transfer on other service in the community to answer God's higher calling. It was a touching part of the household as all of us gave our personal message to the three. We had our household ended by near midnight. hehe. Youth nga naman. What I realized - it is not the hard things we do that matter it's the joy that comes to it everytime you'll see the people that you know will help you along the way and just inspire do better things because simply put - you love these people.

*****

Thursday (June 7, 2007), service meeting in Nico's house for the discovery camp and CFC anniversary. We also watched the movie "Facing the Giants", It was a story of an american football coach, with his team that loses every game they play. He also has a wife who dreams to have a child but the coach seems to have some "reproduction"-thing problem and so it's hard for them to have a child. Their house has that worse smell they can't seem to find where that smell started plus an old car he uses everyday but always had mechanical problems. He was so pressured everyday, going back into the house bad mood. Until he heard he was going to be replaced as the coach of their school's football team. As he face the different problems the players were facing in the school and their homes. One of his good player transfered home and school, one just get angry with his dad, and some fails schoolwork and can't balance between studies and football. All these he experienced in this time of his life, all together when all was so devastating and troubling. Until one day he just woke up, holding a bible and goes outside their house under a tree with sunlight on his face opening the bible and reading a verse about God being our fortress. He just surrender everything to the Lord and trust Him. He says that whatever happens He will love Jesus with all his heart. After that he went back to their house and plan for their game - all using his bible. One question for his team building was : What's the purpose of their team?. Then he gathers his team and started to talk. The whole team don't take it seriously at first cause they're used to their usual training routine which is just pure playing. The coach just taught them that in whatever they do they must give everything to the Lord, win or lose they praise Him. And that they use their full strength and never give up. Until their game started, they bagan and end their game with a prayer finishing every prayer with the line - win or lose we praise you. The whole worked hard and unified by the Lord as they take their journey towards the national game (which they don't even expected) until they face the Giants (a team with three comsecutive wins). Strong faith, prayers and bonding get them to their unexpected and heart-pumping win. After that all came good - he had received a brand new car from one of his players that he adviced to say sorry to his rich dad, he has inspired his players to just gave their best shot every game and balance their studies with football, he has found where that smelly thing in their house came from, and after two years tehy had two championships and two babies. God just provided him everything he need because he didn't become afraid to surrender everything to the Lord. He walks on water with no fears. The bible become his weapon empowered by his faith and prayers. Lines I love from this movie:

"If you are not weak and small how will you realize that God is mighty"
"Lord you are my fortress... I trust in You"
"Never give up"
"Win or lose - praise God"
"Nothing is impossible with Christ..."

After the service meeting I felt so empowered, I realized things I've been thinking a lot lately - the thing of giving up my service, the question why am I not happy with what I am doing. By then He just made me think again and simply embrace me with His words.

****

Saturday - Sunday (June 9-10, 2007) I came to the reatreat of Kasangga East A and B at Taytay, Rizal.The day before this retreat I thought I would never get a chance to attend but then I made a way, I wrote a letter to my nanay, that I need money for the retreat because of the registration. I said to myself that whatever amount she puts in it, may it be small or just enough, I will go. And God just really wants me to go because my nanay left me money (although not enough I can manage).

I'm ashamed to myself for attending this retreat cause I know I have sinned a lot and felt unworthy being one of these great leaders I get by. But I also said to myself that maybe this will also be a great time for me to reflect on some things and I know that i will learn a lot of things especially in serving here in the community.

Talk One: The Calling by Kuya Dylan
I had been reminded of my becoming a Youth for Christ. The attitude that a leader should have and the great privilege because I am called by God to simply touch the lives of the youth and share God's overflowing love to everyone.

Talk Two: First Among Equal by Ate BJ
Working out on seven core values of YFC : Passion, Integrity, Endurance, Creativity, Excellence, Empowerment, and Unity and Teamwork. I admit I am imperfect and everyone is. It just a matter of knowing the goodness in every decision we make and being true to what we believe.

Talk three: Transfiguration by Kuya Jepoy
Finding true happiness in the midst of hardship - One answer to my question of why am I not happy. And that's why God really wants me to be in this retreat because He planned all this, he has prepared a good answer to my question. We are the youth who embrace the cross and follow Jesus.

Talk Four: Letting Go by Kuya Mike
This was the most touching part of the night. In being a leader and in serving fo God we should not expect an easy and comfortable life, we should not be attached in our personal desires and we should get over our past because this are things that weakens us and become hindrances in true loving and sharing. Letting go and letting God is just what God wants me to do all this time. The time I have lost will, I have weaken my heart and the time I thought I will give in.

***

After the sunday kasangga assembly we went staright to marikina sports complex to practice for prais parade this coming June 24 at Luneta for the CFC anniversary (haggardness because it's so hot and I didn't got a good rest the night before because late an rin nagpatulog nung retreat). And then SIGA texted we will be having our Gawad Kalinga build the day after. Wuhoo. I was so excited but then since most of us is tired during the kasangga it is okey to do it some other time. Sunday night, I had mass with my highschool friend, and talk for a while (pero siyempre umuwi muna ko ng bahay para magfreshen-up...haha...kahit super antok and pagod na'ko). After we had our small talk in chowking I went home and go to Krizel's house together with my new partner and cousing Onang. I had installed her PC a photoshop and thought her some and we had some minin-bonding in her room. After the night around 11pm we saw Sarah and invited us in her house. We bonded with her brother Christian and their bunso BJ (?). We ate a little and update each other on some stories we could share.

****

June 11, 2007 - Monday, since pinagpaliban ang GK for YFC sa cluster, we had our upper household kina Rosean. It was also a farewell and welcome household for new services. It was fun although nakakaiyak dahil sa mga aalis and sa mga messages. We gave Sam and Girlie letters that we made. Sam taught us so many things along the way and she really knows how to make each one of us special and feel loved, so that we, ourselves can share God's love for us to our members. I also been reaffirmed that we had each other and God when we feel weak and helpless.

****

Now I am making everything clear with myself. Slowly, I know I can manage things I've been so worried about because I believe that God is enough. I may not be blessed with all my needs but I know that He has plans and purpose in all that is happening with me right now. And in time, as I face all the giants on my journey here on earth, with God on my side, heaven will be reached and true happiness will come without searching and just believing.

Heart Of Worship

when the music fades
all is stripped away
and i simply come
longing just to bring
something that's of worth
that will bless your heart

*** i bring you more than a song
for a song in itself
is not what you have required
you search much deeper within
through the way things appearyou're looking into my heart

chorus
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
and it's all about you
It's all about you, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing i've made it
when it's all about youit's all about you, Jesus

King of endless worth
no one could express
how much you deserve
though i'm weak and poor
all i have is yours
every single breath

*** and chorus

*I bring you more than a song ...
you’re looking into my heart looking into my heart …
I bring you more than a song ...

His Love Story (part 3: itong kantang to)

2007-06-13T15:19:00.000+08:00

by jcsm

For now, I will not write about his story but their story - lovesong story. Hmm let us see how this will go. Sana makaya ng powers natin ang istorya nila in songs. haha.

"I was alone thinking I was just fine
I wasn’t looking for anyone to be mine
I thought that love was just a fabrication
A train that wouldn’t stop at my station
Home, alone, that was my consignment
Solitary confinement
So when we met I was getting around you
I didn’t know I was looking for love until I found you ..."
[i didn't know i was looking for love by sitti]

Okey kamustahin muna natin si girl? hmmm (a) loner, (b) takot umibig, (c) busy sa buhay buhay o (d) epal lang talaga? well not until she finds this man. Sabihin na lang natin they met somewhere in time nung bagets pa sila. At eto naman si lalaki kakatapos lang ng matinding break up noon. Mejo kasi may pagka play boy. Andalas tuloy iwan. Eto naman ang drama ni mister chick boy:

"It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed ... "
[you first believed by hoku]

'Yun yun eh, malalalim naman pala si lalaki eh. Kelangan lang niya ng someone na iintindi sa kaniya, yung tipong masusungkit ang kaibuturan ng kaniyang puso. hala. Panu kaya yun?!

"You make my dreams,
Come true over and over again.
And I honestly, truly believe,
You and me are written in the stars
And in my whole life through,
Just giving thanks to you.
Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven.
Your smile could heal a million souls.
Your love completes my existence.
You're the other half that Makes Me Whole.
You're the only other half that Makes Me Whole ..."
[make me whole - amel larrieux]

May ganung drama talaga? nakatadhana kuno Written in the stars daw. wushoo, ang lupit. Destiny?! haha. Hmm... siyempre ang sabi ni boy sa girl "you complete me.." ops parang movie lang. haha.

"Di kita pipilitin
Sundin mo pang iyong damdamin
Hayaan nalang tumibok ang puso mo
Para sa akin
Kung ako ay mamalasin
At mayron ka nang ibang mahal
Ngunit patuloy ang aking pagibig
Magpakailanman..." [para sa akin by sitti]

Aii talagang gumaganon. Mahal ka na oh, anu pa?! kilos na go, go, go! patweetums pa kasi si girlalu. haii.

"Oooh I... wanna give you all my love
I wanna show you everything that my hearts made ofheaven sent from above
oh I.. wanna make your wish comebaby there is anything I'll do,
I'll do for youso I give to you... all my love.. all my love ..." [all my love by inner voices]

Yihee, kinikilig. haha. totoo nga ba yun? Eh siyempre in love na si girl kaya sagot na agad. sila na?! yup yup yup. Pero ano 'tong mga naririnig ko sa paligid. hala...

"Your friends are sorry for me
They watch you pretend to adore me
But I'm no fool to this game
Now here comes your secret lover
She'd be unlike any other
Until your guilt goes up in flames..." [my favorite mistake by sheryl crow]

Huli ka boy. tsk tsk tsk. Sino si third party? aiian galit ang lola mo.

"And keep talking that mess,
thats fineCould you walk and talk, at the same time?
And its my name that’s on that jag
So go move your bags, let me call you a cab
Standing in the front yard, telling me
How I'm such a fool, talking 'bout
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted ..." [irreplaceable by beyonce]

Nagaaway na.. hala...

"in the closet thats your stuff
but trick i brought it so bitch dont touch
you talk alot of bullshit allright
but while you walk and talkimma get mine now
it my name thats on your lass
you bald-headed rat trying to get rid of that..
back up out my face broad im really not trying to talk to you
talking about im never gonna find a girl like you
you must got me fucked up..." [irreplaceable male version by bboy truth]

Ops, sinagot daw talaga. 'Wag iinit ang ulo. tsk tsk tsk. kinabukasan...

"Im so sorry that I tore your heart apart last night(And Im sorry)
And Im sorry if I scarred you again today (I didntmean to take your dreams)
I didnt mean to take your dreams (Mmm)
and make them seem so trite (I sincerely)
I sincerely (Oh), completely (Yeah) apologize fordoin what I did..." [i'm sorry]

Magsosorry din naman pala eh... sus... natutunan na siguro niyang mahalin talaga. eeeh. anu bah.

"Wag mong isipin na hindi kana mahal
Sarili ko`y hahanapin ko lang
At ang panahon at ang oras ng aking pagkawala
Ay para rin sa ating dalawa
Wag ka sanang lumuha
Sana`y intindihin
Ito ang dapat nating gawin
Upang magkakilala pa
At malaman kung tayo
Ay para sa isa`t isa..." [cool off by yeng constantino]

At dahil sa mga nangyayari sa kapaligiran yan, at cool off daw muna sabi ni girl. Nyeh, bakit 'di pa break up?! di rin naman tinanggap yung sorry. hala. nakanaman yan.

"Since you've been gone I've been lonely
Longing to be with you only
Maybe there's still is a way I could find you and say.. just how I feel
I can't believe that it's over
Wished somehow I could have showed her
All that was inside my heart 'stead of playing the games
You might have stayed..." [oh well by boyziimen]

Nagsosorry na nga kasi before eh. Oh well kung trip mong magpaka-lonely sige't magpataasan ng pride. sige ka. pero ano tong may hinanakit na dinarama pa rin si girl at si boy.

"I thought my life was over without you
Thought I would be oh so sad darling
'Cuz you left me here, to face all my fears
All by myself, with nobody else
Now that you're gone I just gotta move on
But my lovin's never changed
It'll always stay the same
I felt you were wrong
The lonely nights are long
I get weak then I'm strong
It gets easier" [easier by kandi with faith evans]

Hmmmm. Tapos ngayon ganiyan ang drama, feeling lonely. At talagang moving on kuno. Aiian, they both wait pathetically to each other, di naman maka let go.

"I try to run from your side
But each place I hide
only reminds me of you
When i turn out all the lights
Even the night
only reminds me of you..." [only reminds me of you by st.paul]

Asus mahal pa naman kasi eh. Kung anu ano pa ginagawa para lang makalimot.

"I'm not a saint
I'm just a man
Who had heaven and Earth In the palm of his hand
but I threw it away
So now I stand here today asking forgiveness and if you could just please
Give me another chance to write you another song
And take back those thing's I've done
Cause I'll give you my heart
If you would let me start all over Again..." [another song - all over again by justin timberlake]

After ilang weeks...sorry na daw ulit sabi ni chikboy. kung pwede kayo na daw ulit? haii. dalawang isip pa ba? thsss. Hala si girl ang ngiti andito na oh, ayan oh nafifeel ko. haha.

"Oh, yesterday I was feeling safe
All I do today is trying to be brave
And no melody can seem to soothe my mind
And now I curse you for being so sweet and so kind..." [tattoed on my mind ]

Yikee. balikan blues.

"When she cries, at night, and she doesn't think that I can hear her.She tries, to hide, all the fear she feels inside.So I pray, this time, I can be the man that she deserves.'Coz I die a little each time,When she cries..." [when she cries by restless heart]

Awww. ang sweet. second chance?! at yun nga ang nangyari. dinaan sa harana si girl. haha. Ops... nilalanggam ata ako. Nyeh.

"Hey look at the sun it’s finally shining on my life
It’s shining on my lifeAnd it’s all because of you
It’s finally shining on my lifeFor me and for you..." [hey look at the sun by sitti]

Happy ending din naman pala. Pero wait di ko naman makita yung sun, i get blind, borrow ng shades?! haii korni... parang love.

His Love Story (part 2: moving on)

2007-06-13T15:17:00.000+08:00

by jcsm

A girl from the church has made him smile whenever they got the chance to meet. She was pretty and charming. He thought she was too beautiful for him and is afraid that when he tells her how he feels she might turn away. For she only wants that friendship. And for a year he has kept that friendship valued. There are moments that he would like to meet her up and have some private talks, but he is too shy and still confused. He do not have the courage and so that what makes him a weakling when it comes to courting or showing affection to girls. Negative taken against him. Precious time are so wasted. Eversince, he do not get girls that she likes, he haven't experience the joy of falling in love.

One day, he was taking a ride to go to his relative's house until he saw this "church girl" she once liked. The moment he saw her made his calm heart beats a little faster. She is more pretty than the last time he saw her. For months he has forgot how he felt for that girl and now in an instant it seems like its all getting back. It seems like the good old times. The difference was there's like a high invisible wall between them now, she is with someone, and that for a second made him a bit jealous and also made him feel weaker. The girl was happy but he's clueless of what this someone got to do with his friend. Then after that beautiful face he once admired had been viewed, she had gone. He did not want to follow her - and so back to where he sat, he travels his way to the place where he was supposed to go but unable to erase what he just saw. It was like running a race with a mind unfocused, flying out of the open air thinking of blank things but her face and what ifs, not realizing there is nowhere to go. Although his senses been blunt for a while after that incident, he just let things go and move on. He finds his way back to his home and there in his bed he rest for a while trying not to think of her and then he slept with a tear that gently fall in his eyes.

His Love Story (part 1: ready...set...love!)

2007-05-27T13:01:00.000+08:00

It was later that night when he felt the agony of pain rushing his nerves. He didn't want to become obvious until someone just came by and surrender a helping hand. He was not sure of what he is feeling but that someone made him a bit comfortable. As he lay his head to that someone's shoulder, he felt much relaxed but the pain still drift that emotion.

As time pass by he finds happiness to that someone. He wasn't sure again. His doubt has become seriously taking over. He didn't want that feeling to get in him. He wanted that friendship to last longer. It was hard for him to get through all this again. For in a long time he has been fighting that same emotion years ago before he met that someone, and has been fighting over and over again until he cries for longing and it's gone. He wanted to get tired. But he is loving, he always unintentionally falling, falling and there's always none to catch him.

His heart is empty in a long time. His wound is covered with bandage. And that bandage has been replaced many times but the wound still not healed. That wound, in some moments, just gets through him and he can feel the pain. The pain he wanted to be forever lost in his system. He wishes to just simply throw it out. But it's not that easy. And again, he is fighting. He want his feelings to pass just like a wind and it will be forever gone. And so he decided to become busy of things that is more important. But what is more important than love? What is more important than having that hope of feeling special?

He is not searching for love. In fact he loves loving, just loving people. He hates hatred. And he hates the fact that people hate him. For again, he just want to feel loved and be loved. And he is, God has loved him. God never left his side, eventhough he forgets to talk to Him - intentionally or not, He would just let his heart speak out. He simply listens. God don't want him to feel lonely, for he is a loving son. But he is so unworthy, he is sinful. But what is good about him, he remained faithful - despite the pain, the anguish, and the wound unhealed. He is hopeful of things coming and of his dreams he wanted to pursue. A dreamer, although weak, never had the heart to surrender. That dream pushes him, with the help of his inspirations, faith that is never-ending and a hope that is burning with the desire for it to become reality.

Now he just want to leave his emotions behind to that someone. For he knows it is wrong to like that someone, moreover mistakenly be in love. He pray that when time come that he'll meet again this people he wrongly fall in love with, they will understand him - that he is sorry for he doesn't take his heart controlled and that he is more sorry for himself being able to love, like or get infatuated to them. Although he wants to let things out, although he want his other side to be freed, he is afraid of people that would judge him. He is afraid of the surroundings that would eventually, if he gets into the wrong way, make himself all the way on his journey be a failure. He is afraid of surrendering his fears. But he challenge himself to face this fears.

They say that love lost , wherever or whatever way you put it, will always be and still is - love. It will be forever be in your system, although it fades there's still a pinch that'll be left and it will become your memories - cherished or not. For today, he has uncherished memories. But his book is not yet closed for stories that will soon unfold. He is still young and he knows the world has more for him to offer. Although he always anticipates and always have himself excited over things, he want himself controlled but freed someway. He didn't want to lose that hope, faith and love he always has. For he knows that someone out there, God has prepared someone special for him. Someone that will accept his everything. Someone that would make him feel the way he wanted to be feeling. Someone that even in his weakness would make him feel strong. And someone that he longs to embrace and share his ups and downs with. Someone that will show his real him everyday, no pretentions, no doubts. Just someone who would make him happy and simply fall in love.

fifteen people to tell

2007-05-10T03:13:00.000+08:00

I got this from Alvin.

The Rules:
1. Write something about 15 different people.
2. You can NOT say who they are.
3. If someone asks you which one is about them, you can NOT tell.

1. I love you. I’ll promise to help soon. Just keep the faith. We can get through this. God so love people like you. *hugs*

2. We’ve known each other years ago and am so blessed we’ve become friends. Lately I wanted to talk to you for a reason that you made me feel a certain “certain”. I have been liking the way we talk. The way you showed me you’re being so nice, for making me happy even in my ordinary day, as if there’s an extraordinary day?! and i thank you for that.Also I would want to say sorry for pretending to be feeling what a friend should JUST feel. What a man should not feel. I myself don’t understand how to deal with this. I do hope I pray much harder. I don’t know how you would react if I’d say you this pero in anyways I know I’m still wrong. Well don’t mind me. Just continue touching young hearts for God and simply inspire people as what you are already doing.

3. Thank you for just being so open, for the trust. And thank you also for listening to me kung wala akong masabihan ng prob. Minsan nagagalit tayo sa kabaliwan ng isa’t isa pero look who’s there at the end ... tayo rin naman di ba?! Alam ko we both go through certain hardships pero kaya natin to?! Tama cuz?! Next level na’to. Let’s face the odds. Itigil na ang kadramahan. Galingan nga pala natin this year. Go chapter!

4. Saan ang next gala?! Congrats sa’tin. Yuhoo. Hope we could fulfill our dreams. I know you can do your plans kahit na anlalabo pa ng mga pinaguusapan nating mga pangarap. Ahaha. Kain ulit tayo ng marami. Food trip as always, pero ikaw lang naman tumataba, ako kaya?! Hope you have time to go to church and pray to God. he’s always there, ready to listen. At yung lablyf? Sus! Ano ba paks nila kung no syota since birth ka pa… ahahaha. Joke.

5. Uuuy in love?! Hindi ako sanay na makita kang kinikilig. Minsan nga nagseselos na’ko sa kakawento mo tungkol sa kaniya. Joke. Haha, pero honestly I’m really happy for you, friend. You deserve to be happy. Sobrang naging masaya ko nung latest bonding moment natin. Sana mangyari ulit yun. Out of town naman? Haha goodluck naman sa skeds… God bless pala sa exam.

6. I’m happy to see you so happy. Alam ko dami mo work pero alam ko rin naman na you enjoy everything in your life especially with your special someone. And thanks for making me feel I am part of your family kapag nakiki-epal kami sa house niyo. I always pray for our friendship and your family as well. Best bud pa rin kita. Nga pala minsan kapag naglilinis ako ng gamit and nakikita ko yung mga letters mo sa’kin nata-touch pa rin ako, as in. Pareho tayong baliw. Haha.

7. Thanks for being my little bro. haha. Lam ko minsan naasar ka sa kadramahan ko pero you still manage to listen. haha. You’ve been through a lot in life and I’m so proud you grew up that well kahit ganun. Just keep up your faith and love His people. Continue praising him and just be His servant. Kaya mo yan. Marami ka pang mararanasan in life and in serving. Pero alam mo naman kung gaano ka kalakas sa Kniya di ba?! At sa amin. Kuya Ian will be here for you palagi. God Bless.

8. From li’l bro to big bro. Thanks for teaching me how to be a good kuya to everyone. For just sharing important stories from you that made us grow and truly believe that God is our strength. Thanks for being a good leader, lam mo namang sinundan ko lang service mo, anyways alam ko andami mo rin pinagdadaanan ngayon pero ayun as we all say hindi naman ibibigay sa’yo ni Lord ang mga bagay na mahihirap kung hindi mo kakayanin di ba? Kaya you can do it. Kaw pa.

9. Alam mo ba kapag naaalala kita hindi ko nakakalimutan icheck yung blog ko at i-update. Haha. Thanks for the advices. Astig mo. Siguro super close na kayo talaga ni Lord?! Yikee. God Bless. Just be His instrument of hope and love for others. Hmm. Wag ka ng mananakit ng pisikal… hahaha. Namimiss ko tuloy tumawa ng sobra hanggang sumakit na yung panga ko. Haha.

10. Thanks for helping me get through my probs especially nung down kami. You’re one of my biggest source of inspiration. I idolize your being so nice to everyone. I appreciate your being so sympathetic. I always pray na maging maayos ka palagi. Sobrang salamat, you just don’t know how much you helped me and my family. Basta. Astig. God Bless!

11. Huwag mo namang hintayin yung pinsan ko pa ang unang magtapat at manligaw sa’yo. Pa-hard to get ka pa?! ang arte arte mo. Haha. Peace. Salamat sa pag-share ng story mo. Now I know you better. You’re a good leader. Continue serving God. astig!

12. Ang kulit niyong magkakapatid. Paro kahit na super daldal mo. Thanks pa rin siyempre sa friendship. Galingan natin ‘tong binigay na privilege to serve and love. Malayo pa mararating mo. Haha. Go Go Go!

13. Thanks for making us ampon ampon kapag nagba-bonding kaming bros and sis. Haha. I always pray na maging maayos yung lagay niyo especially your family. God Bless.

14. Miss na kita. Miss ko na kayo. Yung kakulitan natin. Yung sobrang pagtawa ng malakas at walang humpay. I pray for your thesis. Basta lagi lang kami andito. Ayun text text lang. Waah I miss everything especially our bonding moments kasama ang barkada - mula sa pagkain, hanggang sa paggala, hanggang sa hagardness sa pagresearch and all. Apir sa lahat-lahat! God Bless.

15. Just be happy. Understand yourself. Malaki ka na, you know what’s right from wrong. Face your fears. Lakas naman ng back-up mo di ba?! Kung masiyado ka pang nalilito huwag mong madaliin. Andami mo pang pwedeng gawin, wag ka mag-isip na lang palagi. Huwag mo isipin masiyado na you’re unworthy of some things. Enjoy Life, gaya ng ginagawa mo dati. Let the child live in your heart, huwag mo yan pakawalan kahit na tumanda ka na. Just keep the faith. And Let God.

love trip

2007-05-05T01:50:00.001+08:00

050307
I went out with my high school barkada last thursday (may03) at the block. The original plan was to go out of town but since we only got a day and knowing some of us just escaped school, work and home it was not really that good timing for everyone. But it turned out to be a fun-filled bonding - eating, walking and chatting while grabbing a drink and enjoying new stories from each other.

Changes, I know this will happen sometime after we graduated high school and most especially after graduating college. Eventhough we don’t forget to text and call each other whenever we find time to, it’s really different to see them and us being reunited for a year or so, plus the fact that we really miss each other. I know it’s not that long time but you can’t tell how much each and everyone had experienced through out that span of time. Imagine who would’ve thought one of us is getting a year in a relationship, one is denying she’s in love and one just had that untypical story of life and love. This we wouldn’t have thought back when we we’re in our tender teens, back when we’re just laughing out loud the whole non-sense thing, back when we just care about ourselves and be with our barkada.

I’m just so happy that for a moment I’ve forgotten how I get so trapped with my emotions, with things that are felt so deep I want to dig up and throw away.

------------------------------------------------------------------ **

050407

“ Madalas hanap tayo ng hanap sa taong magmamahal sa’tin o sa taong mamahalin natin, pero hindi natin alam kapag andiyan na pinakakawalan lang naman natin …”

Pagmamahal. Isang bagay na sobrang makakarelate lahat ng tao except sa mga taong-bato. Isang bagay na sa sobrang pagkatindi kayang gawing baliw and isang normal na nilalang. Siguro may mga taong kikiligin, merong maaasar, merong magiging emosiyonal, meron namang patay malisya at meron din namang matatawa lang kung ito ang pag-uusapan. Lahat kasi tayo may kaniya kaniyang pinagdaanan o pinagdadaanan ukol sa pag-ibig at mula dito huhugot tayo ng emosiyon sa kung ano ang palagay natin sa pag-ibig. Syet. Ang jologs. Haha. Pero ang totoo apektado tayo lahat. Tama ba?

Hmmm. Madalas na pinag-uusapan kung ang topic ay l-o-v-e : hala hala. Expert ba’ko dito? o gusto ko lang patawanin sarili ko?! Haha. Eeeew.

(‘’.) anong bago? Chismax? Balita?
(^^.) wala
(‘’.) di nga?
(^^.) Eeeeh. Basta. Wala.
(‘’.) eeeeeehh. In love?
(^^.) Ngeks. Jologs.
(‘’.) Sino?
(^^.) Ano kasi… hiya ako eh.
(‘’.) Ahahaha. Si ------ ba?
(^^.) Waaaah. How did you know?
(‘’.) Wala lang feel ko lang
(^^.) Eh kasi sobrang tinamaan lang talaga ko. Sobra kasi siyang ( … achuchuchu ever…)
(‘’.) Haha. Talaga? oh eh ano na plans mo? Alam niya?
(^^.) Hindi. Natatakot ako. Tsaka gusto ko muna makasiguro sa feelings ko.
(‘’.) Ganun? Pero alam mo … ( … cheverlu cheverness … )

(*-*) Mahal bo si ------ ?
(=.=) Hmmm. Parang.
(*-*) Parang Marikina? Haha. Yun totoo?
(=.=) Oo
(*-*) Bakit di mo ligawan?
(=.=) Eh baka di niya ko type eh
(*-*) Talaga. Bakit naman?
(=.=) Eh kasi….(achuchuchu achuchuchu…) yun.
(*-*) Hindi naman siguro. Bakit di mo subukan?

(+,+) Kamusta na kayo? Ikaw?
(-.-) Ayos lang. ayos naman.
(+,+) May bago na ba?
(-.-) Wala pa eh. Can’t get over.
(+,+) Until now? Bakit?
(-.-) I just can’t… achuchuchu achuchuchu…
(+,+) Aaaahhhh… well maybe all you need was to really move on and let time.…
( … ekekekek…. )

Epal di ba? Ansarap na minsan ilalabas mo kung ano yung nasa loob ng puso mo. Dahil dito madalas yung mga binibitiwan nating salita ang astig dahil din sa mga realizations habang kinikwento natin yung part na yun ng buhay natin. Sobrang magugulat ka nalang ang lupit na pala ng sinasabi mo. Para kang si doctor love o kaya naman yung isa sa mga tumatawag sa radio para humingi ng advice. Pero once your alone and lonely again. Eto nanaman si puso kumikirot, nagtatanong, nawiwindang.

Minsan iniisip ko, yung happiness ba nahahanap natin sa pag-ibig lang sa partner mo? Kelangan ba talagang ma-feel ng isang tao na lonely siya, bago pa siya magpakamatay o mawindang sa kahihintay ng right one for them?

Hindi ba pwedeng masuklian na lang lahat ng pagmamahal na pwede mong ibigay sa isang tao kahit di ka niya talaga mahal? parang nagbayad ka lang sa resto ng food kasi nabusog ka at dahil natuwa ka keep the change na lang walang sukli. Hindi ba pwedeng lahat na lang may partner para cute? Parang super twins –cute. Haha. Wala ng sense.

May pahabol pa … talaga bang kelangan ng sacrifice sa isang relationship para may mangyaring something na makakapagbuo ulit ng love? Gaya na lang ng pagpahid ng sipon ng partner mo kapag lumobo ito sa harap ng maraming tao … uuuy sige nga prove her that you love her. Punasan mo nga yung pumutok na lumobong sipon using your favorite hanky. Eeeew. Ahaha.

Kapag walang hug and kiss sa isang relationship, para san pa’t magsiyota kayo? Haha.

Kelangan ba talaga ng love para may growth? Eh panu yung mga maliliit pero di pa naiinlove, joke… haha. Hanggang kailan kayo maghihintayan kung nafi-feel niyo naman na mahal niyo ang isa’t isa ? kapag pareho na kayong may asawa… ouch?!

Kapag sinabi mo ba sa taong mahal mo siya, pero di ka naman niya mahal – may chance pa ba na ipagtimpla ka pa niya ng juice at papuntahin ka pa niya sa bahay nila? Tsktsk. Knowing na super sarap pa niya magtimpla ng favorite mong alatiris mixed with chesa juice topped with chopped chico. With okra cake pa yun na ni bake pa niya sa uling whole-heartedly para sa’yo may kasama pang talong on the side - yun nga lang wala talaga siyang feelings sa’yo kahit na sobrang nararamdaman mo na love ka niya at nandun yung care. Huwaw! All time big time.

Bakit may mga epal na tulad ko na nagsusulat ng tungkol sa ganito?! Ahahaha. Ang magreact di magkakalove-life sa loob ng isang siglo. Joke. Ahaha.

enough

2007-05-05T01:36:00.000+08:00

may 02 2007

I have gone mall hopping today with my cousin. This has been my escape when I have problems and thinks of something I should not be thinking in the first place. This has been our favorite thing when we have time to bond and share some stories. First mall stop– RobEast: we do a lot of checking and canvassing on players and techie stuff, just bought a cd and then the rest was pure window shopping. The next stop Sta.Lucia: same with rob just drop by to see some stuffs and you-know-what … what are you all thinking? haha. I have to tell you, this are all unplanned - plain phonecall, and pooof there you go.

Then we decided we should bond more and eat, gone mad finding place to eat until we agreed to push ourselves to Gateway. Haha. More food, much diff aura, more hot guys and gals like us … hahaha… Of course where else we should be but to the cheapest way to eat – food express. We eat heavy meal until we realize its getting late and I have a meeting to attend to. Feels like no tomorrow we took a cup of ultimate coffee at coffee beanery and chat for a while before I forget we still have to get our hair cut. While on our way back home we had talk for a while – relationships, worries and stuff that matters to us which seems not so what-to-worry-about for some. I have shared what I feel, how I feel and what bothers me this past few days. It’s not that I’m acting drama king again but you know, there’s just things you need to say to release emotions and hopefully let go.

I have read a story on one of Bo Sanchez’s books which is “How To Be Really Really Happy?” in a point in my life where I need answer the most. Such a good timing for a man who just dropped by a bookstore to look for some good books and finds himself opening this little book reading this very story. This is the story of Mr. Lonely drives home. When one day he’s eating in a resto and suddenly he realized he’s surrounded by a romantic scenery and seems like everyone around has their partner and shows love and affection to one another, while he a single man accompanied by his book about accounting and business stuff. Oh how sweet. Haha. He just felt what he didn’t like to feel – loneliness. And so he drives home, so fast he recognized himself just sitting in his bedroom, alone. He just prayed so hard, he cried and just felt God. He don’t want to feel lonely. He really prayed whole-heartedly for it. And just as he thought he wants someone to care for him, to love him, he doesn’t have to find that. Because what he’s seeking for, is there all this time around – GOD. He has just affirmed of how God loves him so much and reminded him each and every time that He is more than enough. God is enough.

A wrong act. A successful escape. A story read in a book. A cup of coffee.
A haircut. All is gone. All is left said. Over and enough.

Closing Cycles
By Paulo Coelho

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished. Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.

But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

insomnia

2007-05-02T03:52:00.000+08:00

hindi ako makatulog. kanina pa'ko tapos manuod ng Heroes pero hindi pa rin ako tulog. alam ko maglilimang oras na'ko naka-upo. shet. modernong panahon nga naman. nakikipagtitigan sa computer ng limang oras, naghihintay sa mga ina-upload, nagse-surf sa net, sasalihan lahat ng connection, susulatan lahat ng blog. ipagkalat daw ba sa mundo istorya ko. haha. eh noon kaya si lolo at lola kapag di makatulog nagfe-friendster din kaya. haha. malamang wala pa noon di ba?! si tito at tatay nagdo-dota. haha parang engerts lang. haha. astig noh. kung nuon kapag di makatulog nagbabasa ng libro o kaya nagninilay nilay sa kwarto kinig radyo eh ngayon kinig i-pod, nuod you-tube, at kung anu anong chu chu ever (ayon nga kay maricris, pbb 2, chuchu ever...) haha

ayon... hmmm... kanina pa'ko nag-iisip. hala hala hala. sana matuloy ang bonding namin nila berks sa thurs at ang pasteur outing next week, wuhoo exciting. malilimutan ko nanaman problema ko. epal. haha.

may mga gumugulo sa isipan ko this past few weeks habang may mga narerealize akong mga bagay lalong lumalalim ang aking pag-iisip. hala hala hala.

"All I need is just a little more time to be sure of what I feel... Is it all in my mind cause it seems so hard to believe, that you're all I need... " - all i need by jack wagner

shocking chucks!

2007-04-10T01:24:00.000+08:00

dialogue

2007-03-23T11:23:00.000+08:00

Hours before the baccalaureate mass. I am sitting in our sala. My body's not feeling well. My spirirt seems too low. Should a twenty year old man be feeling this way this time. Oh, did i just call myself a man?

My nephew just gave me a sandwich- stuffed with ham, cheese and mayonnaise. He smiled, i could see the innocence the thought of him sharing. And it makes me smile. for a while. It's nice to know that children as young as his do not think much of this life. All he cares is memorizing his favorite dinosaur names, playing outside and eating his own sandwich. Don't you want to be a six year old again?

I hate the way I'm doing yesterday, the other night and the other days I felt lonely.
Loneliness- something that I associate with sadness. With sin. Sometimes it's good to be alone but never lonely.

-----*^,^*-----

Do i have work? none.
Do I have money? none.
Are you happy? honestly, the thought of being alive makes me happy, but thinking of the people who expects something from me do make me sad.

Am i in love? no.
Well is that the reason I am feeling lonely? sometimes.
Sad? yeah.
Sinner? feel like.
Why don't you find someone? I don't have to.
Can I live without that someone? for today, yeah.
Do I want to be loved? I want to feel loved.
But I am loved? yeah by the Lord, by my family, by my friends.
Then why am I empty? you decided to feel empty.

Am I still confused? yeah.
How about my faith? I strongly believe in Christ.
Then why am I acting this way? I don't want to, but this is how I feel for the moment. Later on it'll be gone.
But how about tomorrow? I hope it will be over.
What if it had not? then I’d pray.
Do I think it really helps? yeah.
Then why don't I pray now? well I am.

How do I feel with my family? good, they're all good. But of course problems are there. Financially? yeah but I am happy we're getting through it everyday.
How about "him"? I hope he would change. "She" and me will always pray for "him". I just think in a happy family there are still flaws, imperfections- it’s what keeps us going on.
How would I like to help "her"? as soon as I find work, I hope I could help.

How’s my service in church? it's a rollercoaster thing. I have to decide on a few things. Fix myself first. My spirit. My whole.
How about me being one of the lead? I don't want to think about leading, I am thinking more about the growing of each and everyone.
But how can I inspire and love if I, myself, don't feel loved and is feeling weak? that's why I am trying to work things out, I just think of this as His test. The battle of good and evil.

Am i the evil? you're my other side.
Am i the good? neither, we're one.

How’d i feel about sex? feels like a tempting thing.
Why don't i try? could i?
Oh and now I’m being evil? it's hot thing, but I am afraid of a few things.
So I am agreeing with myself that I just need sex? no comment.
Am I getting confused again? yeah.
Well then pray. sure.
Does it really works? I believe.
Then why do I still sin? cause i choose my own way not His.
Is it hard to follow His way? yeah sometimes, there's no easy way to greater things and that's just the one and only way to what they call heaven, so if I’m trying the other way and have felt my journey doesn't take me to where I should be- I just pray and hopefully take a turn back to His way.
Am I afraid to do the right thing? no, I love to do the right thing, but there are things that I decide, where I feel I’d be happy - but it’s a not-so-right thing.
So happy doing the wrong thing eh? there are moments, it's part of life, I am not perfect.
Well then trying to be perfect? i hope so.
Perfectionist? nah. I am not God.
Then we are our own? with God.

Sexuality? Man.
Really? I’m working it out.
So many working out eh? I’m still twenty man!
But why am I seeing wrong people? there are no wrong people, just wrong decisions.
So it's the decision, using the head? No, my heart.
oh, well our heart sins? I sin. It’s a part of me, it completes me- and so what I feel, i also think and i act.
It’s process then? I think.
Using heart then is worse than using head? Oh, it needs balancing, I am just not good at it, and so I fail.

Think I am a failure? I avoid to think that way. Maybe there are instances that I fail but never think of myself as failure – I’m just weak.

I thought I strongly believe in God-where's the faith? and now I am questioning.

This isn’t going anywhere? Yeah stop it now; I still have things to do.

So busy, ehr? Shut up!

talk and talk

2007-03-16T10:58:00.000+08:00

this week turns out to be a kamustahan for me and my close friends back in highschool. and it's fun that there are lot of things to talk about what's going on each and everyone of us. although some stories would be serious it just made me realize again that we're really grown ups.

anyways, yesterday i had lunch and then after a few stroll grab coffee with my best bud since elementary. haha. it's been a while the last time we've talked because we both had busy sched this last few months. it's good to know what we're up to this time of our life. we still laugh with senseless matters, we still talk the same way. but then there are a lot of new things in our stories. we talk about our life, our relationships (the most not-so-serious-topic back then but now it seems we're so open about it), our dreams and all the stuff we've missed. we laugh on old memories ... the time she called me on phone comforting a fool i made out of myself after an event i don't want to remember ... and the time i saw her on tv...haha...

we've learned a lot with each other. and it's nice to know that after years of being friends she's becoming more of a sister to me now, who knows the real me. although i know it will be long before we talk over coffee again i just hope that our friendship would stay real and longer.

over waiting

2007-03-12T00:26:00.000+08:00

my american idol

2007-02-26T23:49:00.000+08:00

i am a music fanatic eversince and so if i really had the time to watch performances- concerts live or on tv and listen to cds and stuff, it would really make me happy. well so, this past few weeks i have been watchin tv a lot and been stuck to american idol top 24. well now they're only 20. they're all good. i remember my last american idol fave was bo bice of season 4. and now i think it's harder for me to pick who my real fave is. but i have my pick for my own top six american idol season 6 finalist out of the now 20 finalists:

1. blake lewis - he sounds cool. nice voice and very alternative. i'm starting to love his own style of singing.

2. jordin sparks - this big girl makes me smile when she sings, she's got the voice and the moves and so i believe she can make it to the finals. hmm?

3. sabrina sloan - whoa, this girl reminds me of my fave female pop artist christina aguilera. hehe. she can hit the note. yep, it's cool and i love the style.

4. chris richardson - this man sounds like my other favorite artist justin timberlake. uh huh! but then i think he should work out more on his vocals cause the talents of other contestants are so damn good.

5. aj tabaldo - he's included in my top six because he is a filipino. hehe. and filipino talent is indescribable. he's got the voice and cool groove. very rnb-pop.

6. lakisha jones - feels like the next jennifer hudson. she definitely can sing. especially with her performance of dream girls' you're gonna love me... haha. nice!

photos from http://www.americanidol.com/

* i am watching pinoy big brother uplate with host mariel rodriguez. she's very funny. i love mariel. hahaha. i so love her!

horoscope

2007-02-25T23:40:00.000+08:00

whoa and i suddenly hooked up with this stuff - fortune telling. haha. not so. i'd had my hand palm read last friday. now i had read my msn horoscope. and some points are relatively true.

my birthday- november 09, 1986

February 2007

You are all fired up in the Month of the Tiger. Everything, positive and negative, can seem more extreme. If you are an especially emotional or impulsive type, be sure to ask for advice, and spend time with calmer and more practical friends. Find ways to channel your abundant natural energy. Sports, sexual play, and hard physical work are all recommended. There is a potential for conflicts and misunderstandings if you are too aggressive or move too quickly. Travel, starting a new friendship, or anything that allows you to expand your horizons is highly favored this month. Focus on health and beauty treatments, especially near the New Moon midmonth. A change of look can bring positive feedback and have you feeling more confident. If you focus at least once at day on reasons you feel gratitude, you will find you can move to a new level of maturity. Peace of mind comes from within.

for February 25, 2007

julius, today you may feel like you're in charge of a work committee, and after you see the poor results of a certain project, you'll say to yourself 'Ok, if it's going to be like this, we are going to go about things differently.' If you were a football coach, you would probably be trying to come up with a new strategy to motivate your players. Keep looking, you'll find it!

strangers

2007-02-24T11:52:00.000+08:00

a quick news first from the author- it was friday last night and i have watched my fave band up dharma down ( i just so love their song "oo" ) during the awards night as part of the ust architecture week 2007. yeba. it was fun although my feet is aching and i felt so haggard because of a project (undone because they didn't allow us for an interview... ergh) earlier that day.

and also because of this event i have thought of something to blog about.

---->

it's about me and some strangers. complete strangers.

have you ever felt something different or weird with a stranger before?

i don't know how to explain it but something in their eyes you would feel like it wanted to tell you something. well maybe i also made an impression for them to look like they wanted to say something through their eyes. but it just felt so weird when suddenly after a long time you'll walk by somewhere and you'd pass by that same stranger you've once seen. you've once felt the connection with. and there again will have that meaningful look. but then there's something (again) that pulls you not to say your thoughts loud, for some good things are left unspoken. well yeah, probably.

i was just thinking, what if i acquainted that person? would i be welcome for that stranger? would you be welcome for a stranger?

sometimes with so much stories in our head, we would make up stories for these people. funny sometimes we feel we've known their lives for what they look like or what we feel they're feeling. hah.

and sometimes this strangers, the before blank faces you pass through once in a month or even once in a quarter would make you feel like their becoming part of your life, intentionally or not. they've become the faces you made up stories with. the un-named people who have touched you in some unexpected and little ways. these people you feel like missing when you've not seen them in the place where your path have crossed before.

are you ready to be a stranger for a stranger?

guilty sinner

2007-02-16T02:16:00.000+08:00

I've been doing it over and over again. So fucked up with the mess I've started. Addicted to sin. Full of guilt. I do not know myself why I am doing same things I know that's wrong.

Well guess that's life, once you have reach the joy of it, you'll search for more- something that is beyond what you've done- a deeper sense of satisfaction. But is there really a "satisfaction of human being"? Will real happiness be really real?

Each and everyday I have told myself to stop doing same sin. But then again something pushes me to pursue what I wanted to do. And after that shameful act it always end up me feeling sorry.

Who am I to begin with?

Sometimes I am thinking why shouldn't I just stay busy as most of the times I am and why should I have the time to be alone and left nothing to do when all that I've been thinking is senseless matters of seeking what they call satisfaction and happiness?

i mage courtesy of: http://www.irational.org/heath/london/guilt.gif

on love

2007-02-14T12:08:00.000+08:00

"... because when we love, we always strive to become better than we are." - the alchemist

I don't know why I should be blogging this topic but since it's the season of love, maybe I should be reflecting on my views about l-o-v-e.

As I see it, people are living their life to fulfill their dreams. They pursue to reach the feeling of happiness. And the root of this all is love. LOVE for themselves, for their family, for their friends, for their special someone and for our Creator. The love which causes the things people do to get what they need or with others - to get what they want.

Well honestly, I never had the love most people define love as is. But I believe I have felt love the way the Lord wanted me to feel it. I don't want to be hypocrite if I say I didn't want to feel the love people think love is, the love you feel for your special someone. But for now, I see love differently, thank God I learned something from the past. Hopefully my principles won't get me wrong someday. I see love not just as something you express for the person you think you like where you feel your heart beat faster everytime he/she's around, but love is something you share with everyone. Everyone who you think needs the attention, the care and the comfort. It is something that makes me feel good and better, happy indeed. Well maybe you would say it's
not love but charity. But that's the essence, everything you do, as I wrote earlier, is because of love - may it be love for your self, for ANYONE or for someTHINGS.

This is my view of love just for now - it may change, it may not. But one thing is for sure , I am happy with the love I am feeling right now. The love from the people who truly cares for me. The love I am sharing through Him. And if I, in time, would be able to feel a different kind of happiness that is - different definition of love, I hope it helps me become a better person.

SUPER SALAMAT

2007-02-06T23:46:00.000+08:00

Finally after all the sleepless nights, crying moments, head aches answering questions and thinking of design solutions, accepting hurtful comments, thinking of finances and still fighting kahit na super maximum aberya na ang nangyari, eto na, tapos na rin ang thesis ko. wuhooo!!!! mga minor subjects na lang at ilang projects to do.

Teka, gusto ko muna magkwento sa mga nagyari sakin for the past two months na hindi ako nagpost dito. haha. meaning for the last two months i've been cramming my deadlines (first endorsement,second endorsement,final endorsement,bunutan then defense) whoa, that was really stressful. haha.

okey first sem natapos ko yung book, nakasurvive kahit kulang kulang, pinagalitan ng prof for my impossible proposal and some issues na ako ang nagpasimula. then by october it's over. sembreak wala akong ginawa kung hindi magpahinga. then start of all the paghihirap, the real thesis presentation....

first endorsement(complete schemes-floorplans,site dev't,elevations and sections,perspectives): second week ng december. first crying moment. why? the consequence if you're not endorsed in december is that you'll fail or you drop. ang nangyari sakin? the night before ng first endorsement puro plan on site palang nagagawa ko, i didn't have elevations and sections. sobrang hinapit ang perspective. sumapit ang umaga, wala akong sleep and i'm late sa class but still i pass what i've done kahit incomplete. kinabahan ng ilang days cause i know my chances of getting endorsed is very low ( i mean 70% not endorsed and 30% go on to second round). But God really won't like me to give up the fight yet, He gave me a chance. and so my adviser get me endorsed on the first round.

second endorsement(adviser) and final endorsement(thesis committee);(complete final presentation drawings 100% with book)february 3 2007. a week before this february 3, i am so worried i haven't finished my plans yet, pinoproblema ko pa kung sino ang magka-cadd ng drawings since wala na talagang time if i am going to encode it myself. sabi ko sa sarili ko sobrang labo na na makahabol ako for the feb3 deadline. alam to ng mga friends and blockmates ko. i told them many times even my parents na baka hindi ako makapag defense this sem... then i asked my friend if she knows anyone who could encode my drawings for a week, and so i came up with this freelance architect who helped me do the encoding, of course business is business and so a lot of money was involved. a night before the endorsement, february 2, by 7pm mga 90% pa lang tapos and andami pang mali pero wala na kaming choice dahil magsasarado na ang joli's(official printing station ng thomasian arki ahaha) kaya hinabol namin ang closing which is 8pm...

dito na magsisimula ang mga aberya at kalbaryo.

by 8pm mga pang 4 nako sa pila and i'm expecting by 1am ng madaling araw tapos ng iprint yung akin..but no 2:30am tsaka pa lang ako nagstart magprint, why? imagine how big those boards to be printed, the editing of students while they're usb and cds are on the computer. i tell you sumakit paa ko kakatayo at kakahintay sa pila. ang masaklap pa dun 8am ang endorsement namin sa adviser. so walang tulugan. i planned to sleep sa school since katabi ng joli's eh UST na. maglalakad na lang ako sa espana. haha. natapos akong magprint at magmount sa board ng drawings by 4am..imagine pumila ka ng puyat from 8pm-4am.... hindi na natuloy ang planong di na'ko uuwi since 4 hours na lang endorsement ko na. what i did is pinaiwan ko sa joli's yung boards ko (ayokong pahirapan sarili ko na magbuhat ng 12 boards of 30x40) then umuwi ako para magpalit ng uniform dahil klangan naalala ko naka civilian pala ako nung araw na'yon. pero pag-uwi ko ng bahay nakaidlip ako. at sobrang napasarap ako ng tulog 8:30am ako nagising. napamura ako the moment i get up and didn't knoe the first thing to do. i am 30 mins late if i travel to UST i'll be one hour more late.. so i picked up my phone and call my adviser, he didn't answer and so i call my classmate and asked for help. sabi ko my boards are in joli's and kung papayag si sir siya na yung magpacheck then hahabol na lang ako. as soon as i stepped in front of beato(our school building) my classmate have my boards and told me that i passed the second endorsement, without me having it checked (weird?haha.)

then i waited for the final endorsement, which is happening 1pm that same date. i ate with some of my friends. then before the final endorsement, kinakabahan ako dahil mali ang structural drawings ko, and i so panicked nung nasa loob na kami ng avr, ni pencil ko na lang yung ibang lines para magmukang tama kahit na mali. haha. buti na lang nakalusot. wuhoo. nakahinga ko ng maluwag.

susunod na malupit na hagupit ng kapalaran? 6pm that same day also ay bunutan kung anong araw ako magdedefend(defense week is feb5-15). todo wish ako na sana four to six days after the first defense ang mabunot ko para sana mare-print ko pa yung mga mali. pero sadyang malupit ang kapalaran. i don't know if God is sending a message na itigil ko na dahil mali mali din naman yung drawings ko or he's just pushing me to the maximum limt, bakit kamo, nabunot ko number 4, meaning sunday lang ang pahinga ko tas defense agad. after i picked that number i rushed in to my house to do yung mga kulang pa sa book and masagot yung mga possible na itanong sakin ng juries.pero nakatulog ako. and impossible talagang matapos dahil super dami pa. and so i get the help of my classmates. and super thankful ako dahil may mga nagrespond dun sa text ko for help.

sumunod na pagsubok. natapos ko yung book 2:30pm ng sunday. problem? san ako magpapaprint ng sunday at magpapa- book bind ng rush since knabukasan ang call time ay 7:30am with complete requirements. i asked the Lord again if i should go or give up na. pero hindi ako sumuko. makulit ako eh. haha. pumunta akong Philcoa to edit my boards, reprint boards and print the whole. pero sadyang ayaw paawat ng aberya. pagdating ng philcoa, umakyat ako sa taas nagpaprint pero nasira yung printer aftr 3 pages pa lang. bumaba ako and pinasaksak ko yung USB sa nagpiprint. tangacious talaga, dahil pagsaksak ng usb biglang nawala yung mga files. anong feeling ko? katapusan na ng mundo, gusto kong murahin lahat ng tao sa paligid ko, maghandusay at magpakamatay. pero hindi ako sumuko, dumating yung mga tutuliong saki. i just prayed na sana kahit hindi naka book bind eh tanggapin ng jury.

umuwi ako sa bahay with 4(yhug,jaimee,ruyzl and jeijei) of my blockmates and yung isang freelance to help me. dito na lang ako sa house nagprint ng book i just bought colored and bw ink na muntikan pang kapusin, buti na lang same kami ng printer ng pinsan at my extra pa kong ink kaya umabot. at anu ano ang nangyari sa lamayan ng drawing presentations? ngarag ngarag lang naman kami sa dami ng kelangan tapusin at baguhin. (haha meron pang uminit ng ulo sa nag-encode ng gawa ko dahil di nasunod yung ibang drawings, pero okey naman na siya.haha) ayun siyempre kung ako lang gumagawa dun nagpakamatay na siguro ako. pero ang galing lang talaga gumawa ng move si Lord dahil hinayaan niyang tulungan ako ng mga taong ito.

time check: five hours before the 7:30am calltime ng mga magdedefense nalaman naming kulang pala ako ngdalawang drawings, meaning hindi na reprint. and so ang plan bago ako magdefense may tatakbo sa joli's para magreprint habang hinihintay ko sila sa waiting area. pero ang pinakamatindi sa lahat....

7am... di pa tapos magprint ng drawings for book and executive summary... naghang yung computer.... at yung printer... imagine yung face ko di maipinta. suiper worried. i keep asking everyone sa paligid ko kung tutuloy ko pa ba,. since andaming na talagang aberya. i keep asking God kung eto na bayung last sign na wag nakong tumuloy. but no i remember someone told me. "para lang yan lumalaban sa giyera... kung alam mong mamatay ka na susuko ka pa ba? o ipagpapatuloy mo yung sinimulang laban?" i sticks toi my head. and so i fight.

7:30am natapos magprint. nagtaxi nalang kami papuntang school. traffic pa sa commonwealth kasi monday. dumating ako ng school 8:30 umakyat ako ng stairs from ground floor to eight floor..tumatakbo...sumalubong sa kin yung isang prof..."kala ko di ka na aabot eh...oh ikaw na sunod dito...(pointing to room A)" wuhoo nakaabot ako. pero ang problema? di ko pa narerehearse yung speech ko and yung mga possible questions di ko man lang naaral... bago ako magdefend, nadehydrate ako, and so nagpabili pako ng tubig, buti umabot din yung pina-reprint kong board... sabi ko bahala na...on the spot ang dating...

then mga 10am ako na... pagpasok ko inayos ko yung boards, nag rehearse ng konti before pumasok ang tatlong juries (architect professors), i delivered my on the spot presentation of thesis/proposal... then came the question and answr portion. sobrang ginisa ako ng mga juries. andami kong hindi na-justify na spaces, na details,,,, then it ended. I went out of the room and waited for more than 5 minutes (which seems to feel like a century) to know the results of my defense. as soon as i entered back to the defense room sobrang knakabahan ako, pero nung bibitawan yung mga salitang..."okey, you passed"... i nearly cried for joy. PRAISE GOD! nasabi ko na lang.. salamat... slamat sa lahat lahat Lord...

imagine all the things that i went through... all has paid off. super sarap ng feeling. and nakakataba ng pusong may mga taong handang tumulong at sumuporta. may mga taong nagdadasal at nagtitiwala. may mga taong mapapasaya ka sa gitna ng kangaragan at mabibigyan ka ng pag-asa. super salamat.

basta patuloy lang ang paglaban. dahil alam kong kasama ko ang Maykapal. kasama natin.

may binigay na letter sakin nanay ko before ng first endorsement and i want to share it to everyone.

one line from there is an inspiration from the bible:

" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

live life!

2006-11-28T14:43:00.000+08:00

"ikaw, anong ginagawa mo sa ibabaw ng bato sa ilalim ng nagliliyab na araw?"

"wala"

"wala ka bang pinagkakaabalahan?"

"meron."

"ano?"

"ito ang pinagkakaabalahan ko. gumagawa ako ng wala."

"wala kang ginagawa?"

"hindi. iba ang walang ginagawa sa gumagawa ng wala."

lalong napakunot ng noo si tong. " anong pinagkaiba noon?"

itinuro ni ulang ang malawak na kapaligiran. " yan ang wala. yan ang ginagawa ko. gumagawa ako ng wala."

"paano yun?" tanong ng nalalabuang talangka. "paano mo malalaman kung tapos mo nang gawin ang wala?"

"kapag gumawa na'ko ng meron."

"pero hindi mo naman nakikita ang ginagawa mo, di ba?"

"dahil nga ang ginagawa ko sa ngayon ay wala. sa katunayan, lahat yang pinagmamasdan mo ngayon ay pinagpaguran ko."

"tinignan ni tong ang kawalan. " andami mo na palang nagawa!"

"totoo 'yan," sagot ng kausap...

...... "mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala" marahang paliwanag ni tong.

"hindi ka ba napapagod gumawa ng meron?"tanong ni ulang.

"hindi ka ba napapagod gumawa ng wala?" tanong ni tong.

"napapagod ...... wala na nga akong pahinga eh!"

"bakit ginagawa mo pa rin?"

"dahil ito ang tungkulin ko dito."

"kanino?"

"ang mga hayop sa gubat...... binabayaran nila ako ng mga pilak para gumawa ng wala. kung gusto mo kahit dalawang pilak lang ang kapalit ay igagawa kita ng sarili mong wala."

-excerpt from the book : Bob Ong's Alamat ng Gubat

i haven't finished the book as of now but i read it during a break from a very stressing school work. haha actually i just sneak up on it for a moment from my cuz's bed then after i have to draft again. it's a funny story (on so far what i had read) but then i just think that's how life really is. i mean like this lines above. just putting them in our world made me think, yeah, there are this type of people who does nothing and still they survive. pity them. they're the trashes in this planet. hah. i don't know how to say it, but learning from this, i feel it's always right to try things out, to work, spend time productively and just be able to share God's blessings to others after a hardwork and after a lesson learned from a trial of things you just didin't succeed, but at least there's an effort.

live with a purpose.

enjoy life!

God made this world so beautiful for us to enjoy it, make life out of it and put in much more sparkle by living His love for ourselves and others.

new youth

2006-11-09T07:22:00.000+08:00

Coffee and Life

2006-11-09T07:12:00.001+08:00

A forwarded message on my email:

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said:

"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other's cups.

Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change. Some times, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."

So, don't let the cups drive you... enjoy the coffee instead.

Lesson Learned: don't adore for expensive cups rather enjoy the taste of coffee.

rev up

2006-10-30T18:38:00.000+08:00

REV UP
"behold, I make all things new" rev 21:5

Last october 28-29, 2006 I've been in Colegio de San Juan de Letran
Calamba, Laguna for the Youth for Christ Metro Manila Conference. Together
with my brothers and sisters in YFC we enjoyed the fun-filled activities- the
sportsfest, creative competitions, kite flying, GK miniatures, talks/sessions,
bondings and others.... and just as my bolg is entitled driven, the theme for this
year's metrocon is REV_UP.

We joined the Gawad Kalinga miniature competition which we had the model
built up for a week, the cramming of course on the last day made us (the model
makers) sleepless during the 28th. I even had a headache after I and Rhio(
kasama ko mag-explain ng GK model) defended our work to (architect)
judges, yeah, it was almost like a deliberation but just more fun. hehe. and so i
got to the clinic for minutes and gave they me a medicine with the med team na
todo support and boost up ng energy hehe (sino ba yun? si kuya Ivan.. at
talagang nahulaan niyang taga-UST ako.. haha). ayun well after naman nun
God really is so good, He let me enjoy the rest of the night by keeping me up
kahit na sobrang we had no sleep.

The talk was also nourishing. nakakatouch yung mga nag-share. and the praise
and worship... grabe astig!!!! i really come teary-eyed nung kinanta yung
'forever'.

GLORY ROAD
hmmm. We were asked to make stop during this session. well yeah most of the
time we are speeding up our cars, our life. and we didn't even had the time to
stop at good or even bad things. we have no time time to thank God for
everything He does for us. and being in YFC i am so thankful He got me a real
life. so blessed. a youth fuelled with mission.

OFF TRACK
for the car to make a pitsop in a race means to have it fixed up and make it last
longer with high endurance. sometimes in our life, we need to make a pitsop.
especially if we're running OFF TRACK:

zero visibility - the times when we choose to go on despite the rain, the fog and
all those things that make your way vague. unaware to choose the right thing.

running flat - keeping our engine up and running our wheels even if its alrady
flat. in our life we still hook up with the old stuffs- our old bad ways which needs
to be renewed. our pride, doubts, unrighteousness and unforgiveness hinders
us to chage for the better.

taking shortcuts - keeping our own way. all the time it's better to have God lead
us and ask for his guidance. shortcuts sometimes don't make you learn the
realities of life.

REV UP
step on the gas, revolutionize, speed up - to increase or to give more to what
you already have. become: bearers of good news, agents of hope and
instruments of love.

Flying Finish : we will drive in full speed, we will have a fying finish because that
is what God wants from us, because what we were made for : REALITY OF
HOPE and JOY IN LOVE.

wishlist

2006-10-25T00:54:00.000+08:00

my birthday-christmas-graduation wishlist. ha. doesn't matter if it happens or not. just in case...?

@ to finish my thesis, pass my defense and graduate. lord help me.no failing grade which leads to a scholarship for second sem

@ laptop, brand new. since i'm not a techie wiz i'll leave the specs to those who willingly gives support haha

@ new cellphone with complete features -mp4, video capture two-hour limit (meron ba?), xxx megapix, 3g or if 4g has come out, hehe

@ car - i don't like too fancy cars, a trooper will do. duh! i don't even know car names/brands considering i'm a man and an architect-to-be (whoa cross-fingers.. i see them with so-hot cars...)

@ ipoda

@ treat to an italian restaurant. i love pasta and pizza thsss... and now i'm starvin'.

@ a lover. haha. just kiddin'. just hope my heart start pumpin' for real. duh.

@ travel

@ pag may car kelangan may condo.

i'm overdreaming here. so there. just a sum up of what's inside my head for a gift (from myself or others). anyway, merry christmas in advance. duh ( why i keep on writing this d*** word). duh. haha.

on being irresponsible

2006-10-12T09:39:00.000+08:00

many times i have been so immature with my actions. what i mean is that i usually go on to something without even thinking the consequences of what i just did. i don't know if that's the easiest way venturing new experiences... nah..

i remember when i were in my sophomore college year, we had this optical illusion thing going on inside the class. so we were given this large sheets of like 2-3 pages each and we have to pass it around after we've seen the bigger picture that's hidden in smaller images, you know the usual optical illusion. so there, eh there's only a little time left so i thought it would be easier if we tear a page so that we can easily share and see the image, the other leaf on mine and the other on my seatmate. i didn't know na our professor told pala na we should not tear it, but it's almost torn apart so tinuluyan ko na. then when we get the sheets back to our professor, she got angry because aside from me there's also some students who separated the sheets. eh when she asks who tore it, ako lang nagtaas ng hands. i'd be honest - i really thought it's okey to separate sheets but in the end i admitted na i'm wrong kasi di ako nagtanong sa classmates if it's okey. at least that prof and me is now in good terms since ako lang yung naging honest dun. still the bottom line : think and ask before acting!

and now i also got into trouble with my class. think it's not the right time to share the story but i'd really felt depressed and stupid for what i did. i nearly risk my semester for that. the thing is i learned. and that's where the good part is. you see there are so many decisions in life that we have to make each and every day. may it be little or big decisions we still can't tell the consequences. only God knows. and when it's over it's too late. people are responsible for every single act he/she makes. even if you know you'll not be affected first-hand, in the end it's going to strike back.

plus i also learned this week that old good saying na ' don't trust strangers'. it's true. so because friends and acquaintance kayo you'll trust them?! no. they also become strangers AT times, we also should think twice, nah.... a lot of times to give our trust to them. people not always say the truth. sometimes they're mean, at all cost they'll step on you. they can't keep promises. they don't have a word. And i think it can happen to anyone. i'm not saying that it's evil to not keep promises or to not act what you say, but think that there are still factors that make a decision decisive for an act to be done - which sometime lead to a not so expected circumstances.

so just a little thought from a guy who experienced the gamblings of irresponsibility: think,think,think and act. then whatever the outcome maybe... choose to do the right thing. which also at times is what you believe.

but what if that beliefs are not always right?!

At moments when our attention is painfully acute, we notice peripheral things...as if to reaffirm to ourselves our basic irresponsibility.
E. L. Doctorow , The Waterworks